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Cheney Wins Marathon

Riding on the backs of two black-hooded Gitmo detainees bridled for the occasion, bullwhip in hand.

written by Entropus, 19 November 2007
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Bush Awakens From Louisiana Nightmare

The President described the bad dream as "terrible," saying "I was surrounded by black folks and no Secret Service," as he barely restrained a shiver and hugged his Binky.

written by Entropus, 19 November 2007
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American Deriding Soccer Kicked in the Face

A fat, beer-swilling American was kicked in the face by soccer hooligans in a pub in London after saying, "Soccer is mad gay, yo!" one too many times. The kicker was heard to say, "It's football you dumb ****e!" in barely understandable Cockney before delivering the telling blow.

written by Entropus, 05 November 2007
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Chuck Norris visits New York City

The residents of Gotham wisely evacuated the city, only narrowly saving themselves from death by roundhouse kick.

written by Entropus, 02 November 2007
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Cheney Wins Mr. Universe Competition

The victorious VP pulled out a win by drinking the souls of his opponents from a goblet made from the hollowed-out skull of an Iranian virgin during a ghastly ritual.

written by Entropus, 02 November 2007
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Bush Has 30 Seconds of Clear, Unmuddled Logical Thought

The visibly disturbed War President swore never to do that again and locked himself away to watch "Gunsmoke" on DVD for a week to straighten himself out.

written by Entropus, 09 October 2007
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Boy Expecting Happy Ending Disappointed

His dog hadn't run away and gone on a grand adventure as he had been told. Rather, his parents ran it over and lied to him. Neighbors called the dog "an annoying bastard" and said "good riddance!"

written by Entropus, 08 October 2007
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Fat Wealthy Man Gets Smoking Hot Girlfriend

Three nearby gentlemen pretended as though they would not have sex with the woman in question on principles, calling her a "gold digger" while undressing her with their eyes.

written by Entropus, 08 October 2007
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International Snake-Handling Convention Goes Terribly Wrong

Surveying the room full of corpses and poisonous vipers, NYC detective Ray Broward said, "Who's gonna vote for Giuliani now?"

written by Entropus, 29 September 2007
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Self-Castrated Man on the Prowl

Said the man, "Let's see those girls at the office kick me in the nuts when I hit on them now!" Nearby female co-workers wretched in disbelief.

written by Entropus, 29 September 2007
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Gordon Brown Can Juggle and Lie Simultaneously

In a true feat of acrobatics, the Prime Minister juggled five brightly coloured plastic baubles while insisting that the invasion of Iraq was necessary and justified.

written by Entropus, 20 September 2007
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Tony Blair to Visit Abu Ghraib Prison

The outgoing Prime Minister seemed disproportionately excited at the prospect of the humiliations he was certain to endure within the infamous prison.

written by Entropus, 20 June 2007
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Hugo Chavez Challenges Bush to "Yo Momma" Contest

The Venezuelan President began the contest with, "His momma so fat, you need a map to get around her!" Onlookers hooted and impugned Bush's manhood.

written by Entropus, 20 June 2007
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Mr. T Changes Name to Mr. X, Says it "Just Sounds Cooler"

The famed mohawked one declared, "I pity the fool who calls me Mr. T! Mr. X don't play that game! Aargh!"

written by Entropus, 20 June 2007
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Bush caught pawing at self in mirror

The President was seen in the White House pawing at his own reflection in a mirror. Secret Service agents spent 10 minutes convincing him that he didn't have an evil twin.

written by Entropus, 20 June 2007
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Jesus Returns to Earth and then Leaves Again

Believers awaiting the Apocalypse upon their savior's return were dismayed to learn that he "Just came to get some nachos."

written by Entropus, 19 June 2007
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Congressional Ethics Panel Rules Tribal Armband Tatoos "Unoriginal"

Aspiring gym teachers and self-proclaimed Badasses were seen to weep as the ruling was read. A coalition of actual Maori tribesmen seeks to have the ruling reversed, saying "We did it first!"

written by Entropus, 18 June 2007
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Bush "Not the Father"

A crying Tammy Brown was shattered to learn that President George W. Bush was "not the father" of her baby before a live studio audience on Maury Povich. Said Bush, "Pimpin' ain't easy, and sometimes it ain't fun either."

written by Entropus, 18 June 2007
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