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"Life on Other Planets Statistically Inevitable" say Experts
Cowell asserts rights to "Intergalactic Idol", "Aliens got Talent" formats.
Twitter Improving: Now Largely "Inane Drivel"
Dumbing-up likely to be short term blip, will be back to "banal shit" by end March.
Canadian Warship Runs Aground
"Who in the hell let Canada have a navy?" - US spokesman
Tiger: Another Sponsor Quits
Remaining endorsement deals for condoms and TV dinners for one not thought at risk.
Lady Gaga Tops 2 More Polls
Wins; Most likely to turn out to be mad, vastly over-hyped attention seeker; Most likely to eat own face.
Somali Kidnappers Release Internet Video of your Missing Sock
Not seen for several weeks, but claims to have been "sympathetically laundered"
American Idol: Poor Sound Quality Problem Isolated
Simon Cowell's muffled voice blamed on "having his head too far up his ass.."
Hillary Clinton Travels to Afghanistan
Millions of Taliban likely to be forced out by her face.
Kim Jong Il Regime Challenge Shock:
Dear Leader "uncomfortable" as inner ring penetrated..
French Air Traffic Strikers Dispute Deepens
Strikers disagree over terms of strike, and threaten to strike against fellow strikers. "This is quite striking" - Sarkozy
Dyslexic Judge takes Sierra Leone Civil War case
Prominent librarian indicted for war crimes
Spam King Soloway out of Business
Partners of shy men with small penises call for day of mourning.
The Return of the Iron Curtain
"We only took it down to wash it" - Putin
Paris Hilton's jail cell to contain extortionately over-priced minibar
"Now that's what we call justice" - say prison officers.
Bird-flu chicken pleads for life
"It's just a bit of a cold" he begs.
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