Showing snippets written by Warren Redlich.

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Obama to Pardon OJ

Barack Obama announced that he will pardon OJ Simpson once he takes office as President. "I've always been a fan of The Juice," said Obama. "The man could slice through like no other running back."

written by Warren Redlich, 05 November 2008

Apathy Association Schedules First Meeting

The American Apathy Association scheduled its first meeting for April 31, 2009. It will take place in a cereal box with sufficient capacity for the biggest turnout in the history of apathetics.

written by Warren Redlich, 16 October 2008

Palin Out; Tina Fey to be VP Candidate

Sarah Palin is withdrawing as VP candidate. Tina Fey will replace her on the ticket. "She's funny," said McCain. Liberals like her and conservatives can't tell the difference.

written by Warren Redlich, 06 October 2008

Bush Vetoes Bailout

President Bush vetoed the bailout package late Friday. "I can't believe those jackasses in Congress thought I'd really blow a trillion dollars so easy. It's not like it's a stupid war or anything!"

written by Warren Redlich, 04 October 2008

McCain Shifts Campaign to Mexico

Having given up on Michigan Wednesday, John McCain has now given up on campaigning in the US. He's now focusing on Mexico in the hope that support there will trickle up to voters.

written by Warren Redlich, 04 October 2008

John Birch Society Merges with Council on Foreign Relations

After years of antagonism, the Birchers bought the CFR for $87. The deal includes $9.8 billion in mortgages, plus a treasure trove of secret documents showing how the CFR has dominated the world.

written by Warren Redlich, 30 September 2008

Crisis Continues

Washington searches for answers. Obama and McCain expressed confidence in Bernanke and Paulson in a joint statement. "They've gotten us this far, so let's ride them to Armageddon!"

written by Warren Redlich, 28 September 2008

Crisis on Wall Street!

Forget Lehman Brothers and Merrill Lynch. The hot dog vendors may go on strike! There'll be blood in the streets if that happens.

written by Warren Redlich, 16 September 2008

Olympics in Tibet for 2018

The 2018 Winter Olympics will be held in Tibet. The Dalai Lama is expected to carry the torch into a new stadium built for the event. Unless he's dead by then.

written by Warren Redlich, 17 August 2008

Al Gore Says No to VP for Obama

Al Gore declined Barack Obama's offer to be VP candidate. "Been there, done that," he said. Gore remains focused on global warming, and will keep blowing hot air about it.

written by Warren Redlich, 17 August 2008

Meteor Headed For Earth

NASA identified a meteor that is likely to hit the Earth within a few days. It is expected to strike somewhere between Los Angeles and San Francisco, fulfilling prophecies about Sodom and Gomorrah.

written by Warren Redlich, 22 May 2007
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