Showing breaking news satire snippets written by Skews Me.

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Gun manufacturer shot by own gun

The CEO of a major U.S. gun manufacturer was rushed to intensive care this morning after having been mortally wounded by one of the firearms his company sells. He is listed in critical condition.

written by Skews Me, 24 November 2013

Monsanto patents masturbation, demands bodily fluids

Genetic engineering giant Monsanto has laid claim to masturbation, requiring those who wish to utilize their patented process submit each time a fresh sample of their sexual bodily fluids.

written by Skews Me, 24 November 2013

Child being shamed by standing on street corner missing

Since the Amber Alert is shut down, here's what we got left to go on. A 14-year-old was holding a sign reading I'M A THIEF! when three men rolled up in a nice car and drove him away of his own accord.

written by Skews Me, 08 October 2013

Spies shut down dry cleaner

Dry cleaning operation shut down in sting for sewing GPS-enabled thread into garments. Elaborate homeland spy operation uncovered.

written by Skews Me, 24 March 2012

Earthquake rattles Washington, Obama trapped

A magnitude 5.9 earthquake just shook the east coast. Anonymous sources report that President Obama is now trapped in the emergency bunker underneath the White House. News to follow.

written by Skews Me, 23 August 2011

Professional sports caught rigging finals

An octopus predicting the FIFA World Cup and a gorilla predicting basketball's Final Four? An investigation has discovered that the outcome of these games were rigged to favor the predictions.

written by Skews Me, 09 April 2011

Holiday food poisoning overwhelm hospitals

Hospitals across America are reporting an unprecedented surge in food poisoning cases this Thanksgiving holiday season. Epidemiologists trace the source back to turkeys tainted by Monsanto granary.

written by Skews Me, 26 November 2010

Facebook protests movie, disables website

Outraged by the upcoming release of The Social Network movie, Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg has pulled the plug on its popular website until Columbia Pictures agrees not to show the film.

written by Skews Me, 23 September 2010

Shared dreams reported among friends

Increased unemployment has allowed more people to sleep in, and many are starting to report sharing dreams with friends. The phenomenon has been launching some dreamers' new careers. Studies to follow

written by Skews Me, 19 July 2010

Silicon building blocks found in Einstein's brain

A study released today found glial cells in Albert Einstein's brain contain silicon-based DNA. Scientists are puzzled why something deemed pure science fiction would be found in the genius' mind.

written by Skews Me, 05 July 2010

Seattle rain threatens holiday fireworks

Public donations may have saved this year's Seattle July 4 fireworks, but heavy rains may put a damper on tonight's Lake Union festivities.

written by Skews Me, 05 July 2010

Just in time for Christmas

Living online has never been more fun. Sony today announced its new Brainbeam PS-6 gaming console with Biomedicom Chambers for extended play.

written by Skews Me, 22 August 2009

Frisbee turns 50

The popular Wham-O throw toy celebrates its 50th birthday party this summer. A popular chew toy among active canines, remember to get your pets spayed or neutered.

written by Skews Me, 18 July 2007

Exploding iPhones

Batteries in the popular new iPhone line are overheating and bursting into flames claim several consumers in desert climes. Batteries may be replaced by returning the phones to an Apple outlet.

written by Skews Me, 11 July 2007

Gong Hits 4 Bush

In an attempt to counter his failing popularity ratings, President George W. Bush is planning a propaganda campaign to convince America that a push into Iran is necessary for democracy.

written by Skews Me, 05 July 2007

Sarina has God on her side

Tennis star Sarina Williams suffered a severe leg cramp destined to cost her the match when the skies opened up and an hour and a half rainstorm allowed recuperation and the win.

written by Skews Me, 04 July 2007

McDonalds to require diploma

To reduce the number of employees dropping out of school to work full time, the fast food chain will require young hires to have a high school diploma or equivalent degree.

written by Skews Me, 24 June 2007

Beware new Quack security breach

Uprise in original UNIX Quack login screen emulators at univerisities and public libraries. Identity theft is rampant.

written by Skews Me, 22 June 2007

Big Brother bill for dating services

Legislation before Congress would require dating websites to run criminal background checks on patrons

written by Skews Me, 20 June 2007

New suit hides pregnancy

A new suit using Hollywood layering techniques designed to hide pregnancies has become available for sale online.

written by Skews Me, 20 June 2007

Paris Hilton to take Anabuse

A nurse will administer the superstar drugs daily that cause nausea if alcohol is ingested. Hilton must foot the bill.

written by Skews Me, 16 June 2007

US drivers now pulling tricks of Europeans

Law enforcement have been discovering people coating their licence plates with hair spray in order to try and beat stoplight cameras.

written by Skews Me, 16 June 2007

New drunk driving law

If you don't remember it, it didn't happen.

written by Skews Me, 16 June 2007

God bless the fornicators

23 members of the Prayer Warriors Mile High Club Easter celebration are pregnant.

written by Skews Me, 12 June 2007

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