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Kim Jong Very Ill Appears on N Korean Rocket
In his first appearance, Very Ill Kim Jong showed the N. Koreans and the world his renewed health as he rode the NK bottle rocket 100 metres into inner space. Ill cried: Yee Ha, Korean for Holy Shit!
Blower Busts a NUT over Ed Money
Teachers Union leader Christine Blower insists she knows how to do the job of educating UK youth. We of NUT aren't crazy. Blower vowed to get down on her knees to do job #1.
Commander Obama Sends Pirate-Fighter Admiral Pan to Somalia
Commander in Chief Barack Obama is the first US President to fight pirates since Jefferson. Obama never one to hesitate has sent former Lost Boy, avid pirate-fighter and now Admiral P Pan to Somalia
RC Arch of Westminister Won't Use Condoms
Roman Catholic nubile Archbishop of Westminister denounced a proposed ad campaign for the latest sex protectors: "I wouldn't use those things! I hear they reduce God-given pleasure!"
New British Them Park to feature Mr Golliwog's Wild Ride
When England opens its latest amusement park, Maggie's Carol Thatcher will cut the ribbon for the new feature entertainment, Mr Golliwog's Wild Ride.
Woolies Five N Ten Sold to Dollar Store
Woolie 5 N 10 cent has been sold to Dollar store for a 90 - 95% profit
Karzai Named Car Czar
Bush in a looney lame duck decision announced that he would agree to the Big Three Automakers' bailout if the democrats would appoint Afghani Prez Harmid Karzai the Car Czar:"
New Treasure Trove from Reagan Papers
Conservative Hero Ronald Reagan's Presidential Papers have been released this week. Thousands of pages contained a single repeated sentence: The Quick Brown Fox Jumps Over The Lazy Dog
Bush So Lame...Not Duck...But Ass!
President Bush has proven to be so lame that the characterization of Lame Duck has been changed to Lame Ass by an unanimous vote of the Congress and 78% of the American people!Jackasses Protested!
McCain Tones Down Mob Incitation
John McCain promised to lower the level of inflammatory speech at Republican rallies. He vowed to burn a cross half the usual size in the future!
Dalai Lama Has Gallstones Removed!
Researchers believe that Gallstones can be caused by a lifetime of meditation...
McCain Makes An Oak Out of ACORN!
John McCain's Republicans are purging voters' registries in swing states at a blinding rate. His complaints about ACORN are turning a molehill into a mountain!
Sarah Palin to Receive Honorary Degrees
Sarah Palin will receive honorary degrees from the four schools she failed out of. A kindergarten diploma, a junior high certificate of attendance and two charm school bracelets will be presented.
Naval Academy Dolts Claim McCain Cheated
John McCain who graduated near the bottom of his class from the Naval Academy was accused today by the only three cadets to do worse than he did of copying their homework!
CEO's Claim $700 billion as Bonus for Boners
US CEO's have laid claim to the $700 billion in bailouts as part of their usual contractual bonus for boners. "If the plane never crashed, why would we need golden parachutes?" one CEO asked.
Weatherman Bill Ayers Predicts Election Day Forecast
On Election day you can expect that the East and West coasts and the states along Mississippi River from far north to deep south will be swept by strong winds of change. Hurricane Barack, the big story!
US Catholic Hierarchy Welcome Gays
"At least they don't have abortions!"
Afghani Prez Karzai's Brother Deals in Heroin
Afghani President Karzai's brother deals in heroin while his President Brother has to deal with a dope like Bush
Bush Arms Taiwan against Red China
It took Bush 8 years to send billions in weapons to Taiwan, just in time for the Chines communist takeover of the island
Palin Apologizes to East Coast States that Were Going to Vote for McCain!
Sarah Palin said: "Golly Gee Wilickers! I was a little old Hockey mom from Wasilly, Alaska to know, by golly that there were all those red states on eastern water frontier of America? Sorry, Flipper!"
Joe Six-Pack Arrested for Domestic Violence!
In the wake of his recent fame as Sarah Palin's imaginary friend, Joe Six-pack showed his true colors by beating his hockey mom live-in girlfriend senseless while celebrating Palin's debate victory.
Palin Wants to Move Palestine to Juno!
Sarah Palin's peace in the Middle East plan would move Palestine to Juno. We need people in Alaska and Palestinians, though not usually Christian, are almost people too!
Palin Praises Civil War General!
Sarah Palin replaces US General McKiernan in charge of war in Afghanistan with perennial failure Civil War General McClellan twice!
Palin's Hairdo 80's; Ideas still 50's!
Sarah Palin abandoned the 50's Beehive for her big night with Joe Biden. But her rote recitation of the conservative partyline was still back in the beehive days of weak governing of the rich...
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