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New Way to Fight Tropical Deforestation
Threaten "Loggers" with forest fires.
USDA report points to plentiful holiday turkeys
Washington Balks: What does the US Agriculture Department know about politics in D.C. anyway?!
Palin, McCain Disagree on Causes of Global Warming
McCain: It's a hoax!
Palin: It's a hoax with lipstick!
5 Cheap Ways to Lower Your Blood Pressure
1. Slit your wrists.
2. Do it 4 more times
Judges give low scores on 'Dancing with the Stars'
Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star, A self-luminous celestial body consisting of a mass of gas balanced by the outward-directed gas and radiation pressures,...Farted, as she heard the bad news.
Miley Cyrus says she is committed to "Hannah Montana"
Hannah Montana had no comment.
Cape Kennedy Gunman had Writting on inside of Arm with Black Pen
- Arm inscription read: FED EXMAIL
Girls Caught On Tape Robbing Bank
- See newest 'Girls Gone Wild' video part#5, "Gone Shopping!"
US Couple Use Baby As Car Payment
- "An 'arm & a leg' would of been too inhumane."
Atheists in America Increasing
- "GOD calls them 'oxy-morons who need prayer'. "I mean really, whoever heard of a "Non-believing believer".
CIA Spooks Infiltrate US Congress
- "N.A.A.C.P. pleased!"
Covert U.S. Funds Being Funneled To Al Qaeda
- "We tried to reach Al, but, he wasn't returning phone calls!"
Teacher Cuts Off Noisy Kid's Tongue
- "Female classmates begin to cry inconsolably!"
Scientists Create Remote-Controlled Pigeon
- Programmed to show respect to statuary.
Wine Drinkers Live More Healthily Than Beer Drinkers: Study
- The downside is they only live half as long.
Castro Says He Feels Energetic, Stronger
- " I will live forev.....(BOINK!)"
Retarded Mice Get Smarter With Drug
- "They must have. They fooled the scientist!"
'Extreme Eating' a Big Fat Problem for U.S.
- Article in Bulimia Today, "Does This Skin Make Me Look Fat?"
Doctors Warned About Common Drugs for Pain
- "Why switch to a cheap generic brand, when Morphine gives you relief for hours and hours and hours....."
Garlic 'Does Not Cut Cholesterol'
- Report published by the Medical Vampires Association, House of Dracula in Transylvania
Virginia Lawmakers Issue Slavery Apology
- "Yeah, now that all the white people involved can't be sued because they're ALL dead."
Mirren Wins Oscar with "The Queen"
- Gay community stunned. Call her "Bitch!"
Welfare State Growing Despite Overhauls
- "Free monthly checks twice a month on a pre-loaded EBT credit card, Plus Free medical...I'll move there!"
Gore's "Inconvenient Truth" wins Oscar
- "Best Comedy in an Election Year, Produced by Fingers-Crossed Productions!"
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