Showing breaking news satire snippets written by Mark.Show all snippets.
Chicken factory robbery investigated
Police are taking the utmost care whilst searching the scene for clues. "Our constables are treading on eggshells while we carry out our investigation," said Chief Inspector Yolk.
1 Trick to White Teeth
Dentists are afraid of letting this secret slip, but single mom discovers that brushing teeth thrice daily makes teeth brilliantly white!
Is Acai Berry a Miracle Diet or an Internet Scam?
Hundreds shocked to hear that Acai Berry is actually a fruit.
One secret to a sexy stomach
A mom discovers that keeping the truth from others helps you lose weight!
Large thighs may protect heart
New research suggests that fat thighs can be used in an emergency to stop a speeding bullet.
Lance Armstrong busts bike on environment charity ride.
Organisers insist he must re-cycle it.
Competition to name the latest neck wear fashion reaches stalemate.
Organisers declared it a tie.
Elton John helps world's oldest man blow out his birthday candles
"I knew I could do it with one big puff!"
Rich Frog Prince Snuffs It
"I knew it wouldn't be long before he croaked," said his new Danish wife, Ms Elaine Goldigga (36-26-36).
Potato princess' wedding plans quashed by father
Said the King of the Potato People: "I'm not having my child marry Gary Linekar - a lowly common tater!"
Ironmonger makes world's largest spoon
"It's causing quite a stir," said factory owner, Ian Ronballs.
Police investigate following murder at a wig factory
"We'll be combing the area for clues," commented PC Plod, head of the investigation.
Police recover largest drugs haul ever
A spokesman commented: "Hey, that's not to be sniffed at!"
Teeth Wonkening All-The-Rage
Americans, wishing to embrace their English heritage, are shunning the perfect teeth ideal and getting their teeth blacked up and pushed out of place so they can be more like their quaint cousins.
Man Fined After Buying Apples with Coupon
He came a cropper after giving one to his wife. "The coupon was clearly marked 'non-transferable'," the coupon issuer whined. "By using it to feed his wife, he was in breach of contract."
Source of all life on Earth found
A seriously mouldy coffee cup, believed to be over 4bn years old, was found in a crater in Mexico. Thought to be the origin of all life, it was inscribed with the words Mars University EarthCon'08.
Man climbs stairway to heaven
The man (83), with a penchant for death-metal music, sadly died of a heart attack at the top and had to walk back down again to get to hell. Poor bloke.
NASA Plans Livestock Farm on Moon
"Mating may be a bit of an issue," commented a NASA boffin. "With the low gravity, those sheep are gonna be much taller, and I don't think I'll be able to reach without a stool."
Man eats couch potato
A man has entered the record books after eating a 400lb couch potato. He had carved the 8ft by 6ft vegetable into a sofa for him and his family, but decided to eat it one day because he felt hungry.
A leading petroleum chain is offering its customers free refills at their stations. For as long as you stay on site, you can refill as often as you like!
Britain Flood Update
It's still raining.
written by Mark, 01 July 2007
Ann Summers Called Up
Sexy knicker chain Ann Summers has been hired by the British armed forces to boost morale in Iraq by hosting raunchy parties for recruits. Soldier's wives are said to be annoyed.
written by Mark, 17 April 2007
Roxanne, You Left Your Red Light On!
In a bid to meet its carbon emissions target, The Netherlands have passed a new bill to supply its red light districts with energy efficient lighting.
written by Mark, 13 April 2007
Money makes the world go round
Human rights campaigners have discovered workshops in south-east Asia, where hoards of children are suspended on ropes and forced to turn the earth like a gigantic hamster wheel.
written by Mark, 10 September 2003