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Zombies for Hillary Face Off Against GOP Invasion of the Body Slammers
The two diseases, rarely seen in modern times, are spreading due to low vaccination rates as the ability of US citizens to think critically has declined.
Trump Found Asleep at Wheel of Presidency
After a long overseas trip he needed a rest...
Pink Loses Suit Against Manufacturer of "Lick Pink" Gear
"You can't complain about a parody that associates your brand with a sexual act if your brand is already named 'Like Pink,'" said the judge in the case.
Human Ken Trashes Human Barbie
"She's all fake implants and extensions," said Human Ken as he received steroid and Botox injections.
President Trump Has an Enlarged Heart
The president accidentally told the truth when he said he has a big heart for Dreamers: it seems Trump is suffering from cardiomegaly, an enlarged heart brought on by his poor health.
Congressman Chaffetz Has Foot Removed From Mouth
Still in a cast after the historic surgery, the head of the house oversight committee hopes to get back to the investigation of Hillary Clinton's role in the Russian hacking of the 2016 election.
New United Airlines Slogans
"If seating is tight, there's gonna be a fight!" "Not enough seating, get ready for a beating!" "If you resist, you'll meet a fist!" "Don't comply, get a black eye!"
Barry Manilow: Gay Marriage Was For My Fans
After being outed as straight by his lover, porn actress Lanna Paloma, Manilow has admitted his marriage to his manager Garry Kief was a sham to dupe his fans.
President Bills Syrian Children For US Airstrikes
The Tweeter in chief explained: "We're not going to let these kids freeload and take advantage of our generosity anymore!"
Obama Joins Jedi Council
Barrack Obama is only the second African-American to be knighted by the Jedi Council after Samuel Jackson.
Microwave Takes Selfie!
Owner, worried about NSA surveillance, cooks with fire.
"After Impeachment, I'll Just Run A Car Lot." Says President Trump
"A nice quiet used car lot in New Jersey," Trump wistfully said, then he added "who knew this presidency thing was so complicated?"
Market Flooded After Woody Harrelson Quits Smoking Pot
The sudden surge in supply has put growers in a bind as demand is cut in half and prices plunge.
Kellyanne Conway Applys To Be Spoof Writer
When asked about her qualifications she said, "I don't need any evidence, I have alternative facts..."
President Accidentally Fires Himself
"It was an accident," says former President Trump after firing a record 736 people in one day--"but I'm ready to go back to reality TV and fleecing investors, it's much easier."
President Trump Does Press Conference After Doubling Up On Medication
White House aides say Trump was extremely agitated before taking two doses of Adderall and calming down somewhat
Sean Spicer Turned Down For Anger Management Therapy
It turns out Spicer is overqualified.
Sex Lives Matter
A new movement that believes there would be a lot less killings and bad juju in the world if everyone just got laid more.
President Trump Backtracks On Waterboarding
"I thought it was just a sport and that the Muslims had a phobia about surfing."
Trump: Pink floyd To Pay For Wall
The President elect will seek funding from Congress and then he will send the bill to the band.
What's In Trump's Folders?
Trump aides jealously guarded the folders during the President elect's news conference and for good reason: it turns out they were the resumes of models "disappeared" by Trump International Talent.
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