Showing breaking news satire snippets written by Xavier Fairbanks.

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Man Cures Cancer While Sitting In ER Waiting Room

After arriving at the hospital for a health complication a gentleman had to wait to be seen. 8 years later he's still there, but found the cure for cancer in the meantime. That was 6 years ago...

written by Xavier Fairbanks, 23 February 2018

US Flag still in psychiatric care following Fergie "Performance"

Following Fergie's "performance" of the National Anthem, the US Flag hanging in the arena suffered major mental turmoil. The flag remains under full time psychiatric care for severe PTSD.

written by Xavier Fairbanks, 23 February 2018

News outlets adopt AOL DIAL UP sounds as Pence theme

Mike Pence,US VP, found to have used AOL email in office
during term as governor of Indiana. News outlets have adopted AOL dial up sounds as new theme song for all Trump/Pence related stories.

written by Xavier Fairbanks, 04 March 2017

Finger Prickin Good

KFC changes slogan for Diabetis Awareness campaign. New logo also features testing meter, a drumstick, and lancet.

written by Xavier Fairbanks, 06 September 2016

Science: Trump's Shit Does Stink!

Scientific study reveals that Donald Trump's feces contains the same rank scent as all other members of the human race. Suggests extreme constipation as reason for bad breath.

written by Xavier Fairbanks, 07 July 2016

Shot in the dark; NRA Friendlyfires

Amidst gun safety debate, NRA accidentally unloaded almost 600 rounds, injuring their pride. The gun later apologized saying it mistook the organization for a quail.

written by Xavier Fairbanks, 07 July 2016

Westboro Ass-Tits

The infamous congregation mistakenly installed a large anus with a breast pump attached to it, instead of a fountain. Pastor has commented, "now God hates us!" 5 Members burned themselves alive.

written by Xavier Fairbanks, 02 August 2015

Hair to Trump - "You're Fired!"

After deep reflection, Donald Trump's hair has decided to part ways with the candidate most commonly known for his inappropriate comments on immigrants. According to records, his hair is Latino.

written by Xavier Fairbanks, 02 August 2015

US, Middle East Make Nuclear Pact

In a recent pact between the United States and Iran, the US gains full access to the country's Nuclear Program. Unfortunately once inside, all they found were over one million recycled GE Microwaves.

written by Xavier Fairbanks, 16 July 2015

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