Showing breaking news satire snippets written by Dick Sheerer.Show all snippets.
Pirates' Cruise Ship Snack Attack
A motley crew of swashbuckling pirates commandeered a luxury cruise ship off the coast of Somalia and demanded 10 million dollars until the buccaneers dined in the cafeteria and died of food poisoning
written by Dick Sheerer, 31 July 2015
Bond Bound and Gagged
World famous secret agent James Bond took full responsibility for the fall of the British Empire. His ostentatious acts of sexual depravity, and indiscretions lead to the fall of Western democracies.
Chris Christi Licks Sickness
As a result of an intensive three-year psychological reconditioning program under the supervision of Rick Santorum and Mike Huckabee, Chris Christi is almost completely cured of his homosexual disease
Self Righteous Wing Extremism
From the summit of Mt. Appalachia with arms raised skyward in a flagrant display of pompous pride and pretentiousness, self-ordained Pope Rick Santorum decreed that he and only he is holier than thou.
US Victim of OPEC Coup
In a sneakily sinister scheme the Oil Pumping Evil Countries (OPEC) dropped the price of crude oil to two cents per barrel, then conquered the US when consumers choked to death from car exhaust fumes.
Mike Huckabee Sees God
GOP presidential candidate Mike Huckabee (Huckleberry Finn's illegitimate great grandson), claimed to be god almighty, swearing, "May god strike me dead if I'm lying". He hasn't been seen ever since.
New Law of Physics Discovered
Citing wrestler Hulk Hogan as evidence, renowned super genius Stephen Hawking proved that one's intellectual capacity decreases in direct proportion to increased physical strength and athletic ability
Donald Trump took his political campaign on the offensive by hiring off-duty SWAT team members for his own personal mercenary militia to round up illegal aliens and arrest them on Trumped up charges.
written by Dick Sheerer, 25 July 2015
Elon Musk Buys Space Station
High tech industrialist and SpaceXXX CEO Elon Musk paid an unprecedented $47,000,000,000.00 to purchase the International Space Station and convert it into the very first interstellar whorehouse.
Big Apple - Rotten To The Core
At the behest of Rudi Juliani NY Gov. Cuomo ordered the National Guard to cordon off Manhattan and quarantine the island to keep the insanity epidemic inside the Big Asshole - oops, I meant Big Apple.
Kill Shot From Sun Hits Earth
A spectacular solar mass ejection hurled astronomical waves of thermonuclear radiation through space directly toward Earth and burned the planet into a charred cinder ball in just a matter of seconds.
New Supreme Court Ruling
In a landmark decision to settle the frivolous lawsuit of Spoof v Goof the high court ruled in favor of the defense and Justice Anton Scalia pounded the plaintiff's head into the floor with his gavel.
Fiorina Takes Over Microsoft
Carly Fiorina dropped her political plans to take the reigns of Microsoft Corporation. Her first step as CEO will be to fire everyone, sell all the stocks, and embezzle billions to buy the presidency.
Greece Returns To Power
After hitting bottom they had nowhere else to go but up so Greek officials scaled the cliffs to the summit of Mount Olympus where they convened to beseech the gods to exact vengeance on Angela Merkle.
Ted Cruz Heats Up Fossil Fuel Debate
At the end of a 3-day filibuster against new oil industry regulations, Sen. Ted Cruz made a final point by dousing himself with gasoline and catching fire, shrieking in pain while he burned to death.
McConnell's Serves New Unhappy Meal
A disgruntled employee at a McConnell's restaurant stabbed his boss to death and put the dismembered body parts through a meat grinder, then cooked and served it with a milk shake and a side of fries.
NYC Street Performance Canceled
A homeless vagrant lying in the gutter on the corner of Skid Row & Tin Pan Alley kept an audience spellbound with his entertaining antics - until the police arrested him for indecent exposure.
Stewardess Of The Month. Period.
A menstruating flight attendant suffering from jet-lag lost her mind and punctured the pilot's eardrum with her hairpin, pierced it into his brain and killed him - just in time for beverage service.
All Fiorina's Fault
A major earthquake registering 12.9 on the Richter scale struck California from the epicenter located directly beneath Carly Fiorina's bed, and it happened at the exact same time she was having sex.
UFO In Appalacia
An extraterrestrial UFO crash-landed into a river valley in a remote mountainous region of West Virginia and its crew was kidnapped and sexually abused by a local pair of perverts who died doing it.
911 Dispatch Snafu Fixed
A rogue dispatcher at the 911 Emergency Response Center in Detroit was arrested and charged with negligent homicide for demanding ransom payments from distressed callers who ran out of time and died.
Undocumented Alien Invasion
Planet Earth fell victim of a surprise attack by a hostile race of extraterrestrial invaders who seized control by force and have violently sodomized all of the world leaders repeatedly ever since.
Muckrakers Uncover Crud
A crew of New York City Department of Sanitation workers scraping festoons off the walls of the sub-terrainian sewer system found GOP candidate Rick Santorum hunkered down comfortably in a rat's nest.
Chris Christie Tours Middle East
Action Hero Chris Christie Soared through the sky near the Syrian border with Iraq and dove down into a heavily guarded ISIS compound with guns blazing and saved the day - until the coward woke up.