Showing breaking news satire snippets written by Don Grapper.Show all snippets.
Obama Kicked Out Of Kenya, Visa Rescinded
President Obama left Kenya today after its President grew exasperated with Obama's incessant harping about "gay rights" during a visit that was supposed to be about security cooperation and trade.
Pentagon "Concerned" After 300 Recruiting Stations Simultaneously Bombed
The Pentagon today said it is "looking into" the bombing of over 300 Army recruiting stations. "We are wondering what the soldiers working at these centers did to provoke the explosions."
Missouri Refugees Flood Kansas
Lawrence, KS - Over 50,000 Missourians crossed the border into Kansas, fleeing civil war and genocide in their own state.
Illegal Immigrant Hammers Woman To Death In Minneapolis Park
An American graduate student called "mediocre" by her faculty adviser died today from a cardiac episode following multiple orgasms sustained while being pumped hard by Juan Chavez, an illegal alien.
Dickless Greek Parliamentarians Cave In To German Bankers Whose Grandfathers Were Most Likely Nazis
Just days after a resounding referendum in which Greek citizens rejected austerity terms proposed by Germany, the Greek parliament cut their dicks and balls off, then voted to accept those same terms.
Huge Blast Kills Tourist In Downtown St. Louis
St. Louis - An elderly tourist visiting St. Louis with her husband died yesterday from a heart attack after witnessing an area man unleashing a massive load while abusing himself on a park bench.
Tall Man With Big Dick Doinks Thin Waisted Broad With Huge Tits
In a move that surprised no one, a tall man with a big wang humped a dumb girl with a thin waist and big tits in the parking lot just outside a club in Phoenix, Arizona at around 11:30 pm last night.
San Diego Zoo Officials Apologize For Releasing Lions And Gorillas
San Diego Zoo officials apologized today for letting lions and gorillas roam free during business hours. The lions killed over 100 people. The gorillas left the zoo entirely and are still at large.
Croatian President Apologizes To Stripper's Father
The President of Croatia today called the father of a stripper he strangled at a Best Western in Zagreb and apologized for killing her. The father was not at home, so the President left a voicemail.
U.S. - Iran Nuclear Talks Stalled So John Kerry Can Take A Massive Shit
Talks between the US and Iran in Paris broke off early today after US Secretary of State John Kerry told those in attendance that he had to "take a huge shit." Talks will resume sometime tomorrow.
Media Critics - Clinton CNN Interview "A Bomb"
Commentators at most news outlets are saying that Hillary Clinton's first interview as a Presidential candidate on CNN was tantamount to "her taking a massive shit on live television."
Chick With Nicest Tits Wins Debate on Fox's Cashin' In
Michelle Fields and her nice tits trounced yet again the other panelists in a heated discussion on a current events news story. Even the host was helpless in the face of her awesome breasts.
written by Don Grapper, 07 June 2015
Paris Flu Epidemic Claims 200,000 Victim
The Parisian flu epidemic continues, despite promises from experts that it would be gone before spring. "The city is now depopulated," said the Mayor. Bodies continue to pile up on the streets.
Japanese Prime Minister Apologizes For Bombing Raid On US Base
Japan apologized today for an "inadvertent" bombing raid on a US military base on the island of Okinawa. The raid killed over 3,000 American soldiers as they slept. Many civilians died too.
Skyscraper Collapses, Crushing Thousands
A Minneapolis skyscraper collapsed today and crushed as many as 4,000 people to death. The building owners apologized for the mishap and vowed it won't happen again.
Rebels Seize Shithole
Armed Rebels Waltzed Into An Obscure Shithole Somewhere South of The Equator Yesterday And Took Power Easily.
Hillary Clinton, "Chaffee's Metric System Idea Will Ruin Porn Dialogue"
Hillary Clinton mocked Lincoln Chaffee's metric system idea by asking Porn insiders to imagine male characters telling "bitches to suck their 65 centimeter long dicks."
"Sounds stupid," she said.
written by Don Grapper, 05 June 2015
Hungarian President Beaten To Death By All Male Mob For Criticizing Internet Porn
Hungary's President was killed by a mob, angry over rumors that he thought internet porn "unbecoming." He has been replaced with a dictator and all of his political allies shot.
Surgeon General Issues Warning About "Having It Done Up Your Butt"
America's top doctor warned citizens off taking "even a medium one" in the rear.
"It hurts, causes fissures and tearing,makes you walk funny for days. Taking it up the butt is not cool," he said.
German Reichstag Torched
The Reichstag building in Berlin burnt to the ground yesterday. The building was filled with MP's, all of whom were killed. A dictatorship has been declared and the entire intellectual class shot.
Palermo, Sicily Sacked By Muslim Hordes
Over 250,000 self identified "Saracen" crusaders sacked Palermo yesterday. The group is moving now up the Italian peninsula, leaving piles of corpses in its wake. 85,000 have been reported beheaded.
American Troops Burn Australian Capital
American servicemen on leave burned the Australian capital of Canberra to the ground yesterday. The Navy apologized and vowed to investigate the incident. 42,500 are thought to have burned to death.
San Diego Zoo officials said "Wilbur", a tortoise that mounted an unnamed female tortoise in November, finally began ejaculating Monday morning.
"He should be done in a month," said a spokesman.
Mike Huckabee Blown In Burger King Parking Lot
Reporters accompanying Republican Presidential candidate Mike Huckabee caught him being blown in an Iowa woman's car Monday. Huckabee said he was a sinner and God would forgive both of them.