Showing breaking news satire snippets written by Angelo Thomas.Show all snippets.
Netanyahu And Israel Walk Away From Peace Talks
"We don't negotiate with terrorists who won't compromise and don't keep their word,"said Bibi
No one asked a Palestinian representative for comment. Speculation was that it was something like:"ditto"
Daily Pot Smoker Abstains on "4/20"
Asked to comment, he said, "I wanted the day to be different and special."
New Infrastructure And R&D Bill Passes Both Houses With Ease
"This is how America achieved her status as an economic superpower Post WWII. More jobs, new technology,better roads/bridges/water systems/power grids. A no-brainer really," said everyone in Congress.
Jeb Bush Throws Brother Under The Bus
"I love my brother but the guy was a sh***y f***ing President. One of the worst ever. I'm not like him. I let facts dictate my decisions. He sucked. Everyone knows it. Even his supporters."
Ted Cruz Apologizes For Fear Mongering, Pandering, Distorting
"I've realized the error of my ways," said Cruz. "I'm running a more sensible campaign now."
Loretta Lynch Confirmed As New Attorney General
"We thought the highest law enforcement officer in the land was an important position," said Mitch McConnell. "We put it to the floor and confirmed her nomination. It wasn't rocket science."
97% of Climatologists Fudged Data, Proven Wrong
As scientific fraud of massive proportions is unraveled, climatologists all over the world 'feel the heat'. "Even the NASA photographs of the Earth's poles were doctored," said an investigator.
Police Officers Show Restraint, Use Proportionate Force
Recently, a police officer assessed the situation and didn't end up killing anybody. An arrest was made. The perp did not resist and thus was not even beaten up.
New Video Game Inspires Hope In Some Parents
"I've heard that in this game your child can pick a character, join up with other characters, and explore back yards, creeks, and play sports outside. Good graphics. Promising," said a mother of 4.
Groups And Factions Upset Over Harmful Label
"We think the term 'PC Police' is demeaning; an inflammatory label which offends," said some nanny from some stupid advocacy group.
Yahoo Website Receives Journalism Award
"This speaks to our constant diligence and fact-checking, the talents of our fluid writers, and our straightforward headlines," said CEO Marissa Mayer.
Large Group Of ISIS Fighters Defect
"We're not so sure about some of the stuff we've been told, both by our holy books and by our commanders and recruiters," an anonymous dissatisfied fighter was quoted as saying.
Mainstream News Media Eases Up On 2016 Presidential Election
"19 months away and we've been talking about it since Obama was sworn in," said a cable news exec. "We're going to let this thing flesh out for a year or so before we speculate and prognosticate."
Bush, Clinton Donate 50% Of Their Massive Campaign Funds To Charity & Towards Paying Off The National Debt
Congressional Republicans Praise Administration,Sec. of State Kerry, on Iran Talks
"We don't want Iran to have a nuclear weapon either. We think an incentive agreement which allows the world to inspect and enforce this is a great idea," said a prominent Republican lawmaker.
Media Coverage-- About Gays, Gay Marriage, and Feaux-"Religious-Freedom" Discrimination-- Abruptly Ends
"With that subject there's nothing much to report on anymore," said an unnamed AP reporter. "There are bigger more important issues going on in the world. Plus, social conservatives have dropped it."
Royal Report: Why Will and Kate's Australia Trip Has Echos of Diana
^That's not a spoof.^ That's an actual headline on Yahoo news.
I'll save you some time: she went to Australia too.
North Korea Test-Fires Some Sorta Weapon Somewhere
A bunch of leaders from a bunch of countries condemn it.
Media Coverage Of Missing Malaysian Plain Abruptly Halts
Every single news anchor & pundit: "We will let you know when they find something."
Attorney General Eric Holder Resists "Peer-Pressure"
COLORADO-- Secret Service agents looked the other way as President Obama motioned Holder toward the doors of a marijuana dispensary.
"Come on Eazy-E, one time," said Obama.
GLAAD On The Defensive Over "Marriage Term"
Heterosexuals who use antiquated forms of English have come under fire from Gay Rights groups recently,for describing their wedding ceremonies & receptions as 'gay'
"It's an adjective," said a groom.
Campaign Rumors: Jan Schakowsky
MSNBC analyst Jan Schakowsky, an Illinois resident, is considering running for a seat in the House of Representatives.
Utah Senator Mike Lee Hopes To Be Unseated In 2016
"I'm really sick of these Washington politicians," said Lee. "Vote them out."
Harry Reid Excuses Meeting For 15 Minutes
"He let everyone out to go 'watch paint dry' for a little while," said an unnamed AP reporter.