Showing snippets written by Patrick Parkinson.
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Premier League to sell TV rights to Alien planets
bidding war breaks out between Xeronex Prime and Rigal 7
Nicole Scherzinger to be prize at next years F1 Championship
Putin throws petrol all round Russia and sets fire to it for insurance money
Russian leader decides to start up country again from scratch
Cardiff man regrets "foolish" solo attempt at large chocolate Toblerone
Currently in hospital with tiredness
Brendan Rodgers smells Luis Suarez's pillow
Liverpool manager struggling to come to terms with loss of star striker
Forgetful terrorist rushes to petrol station to buy last minute 9/11 anniversary present
Katie Price sheds skin
ITV commisions new show about divorced and bitter middle-age cop solving murder case again
Third airplane calls in sick with Ebola virus
Father relieved to have caught son watching "regular" porn this time
Next World Cup winner to be chosen via lottery
Sky News to launch channel dedicated soley for Iraqi car bombing reports
12 Years A Slave: The Video Game flops
Godzilla holding out for better contract before signing on for sequel
More to follow...
Final Hobbit film's end credits to be turned into HBO mini-series
"Evil" Sat Nav leads innocent drivers to grizzly death
"Kardashians Take Over Crimea" TV series cancelled due to insensitivity accusations
Third sniffer dog drowns during search for missing flight MH370
"Gypsy" the sniffer dog reportedly ran in the Indian Ocean during search and hasn't been seen since.
"Human Statute performer" revealed to be actual statue
Previously was thought to be extremely dedicated artist
Daily Express reassures readers they have enough Princess Diana stories to last until the next decade
Meterologists Society confirms winter officially ends "when Arsenal are knocked out of the Champions League"
Clocks to be reset as of 12pm today
Beer bongs, glow sticks and Condoms - Clean up begins after Liberal Democrat conference
Angry janitor declares "I didn't sign up for this shit!"
Statistics show number one searched for word in Bing search engine is "Google"
Father assures son there's nothing under his bed apart from his imagination and hungry pet cougar
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