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Vatican Closes Down Miracle Response Units (M.R.U.s)

Fifty Miracle Squads are to be closed from January 2015 due to loss of laundering revenue. Changes in Laundry rules have forced laundering to be done by nuns. Miracle numbers will be issued by phone.

written by Auntie Jean, 19 April 2014
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Bagless Mc.Dyson Secretly at Work in Wales to Rid the Country of Old Bags and Boilers

Bagless Mc.Dyson is secretly working on a bagless Welsh ladies' handbag to rid the country of bags. The handbag uses a car battery, but the contents float weightlessly. Boiler elimination is next.

written by Auntie Jean, 19 April 2014
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No Ronnies At All show being recorded for Christmas

The BBC has paid millions to prevent last year's glut of "Ronnies" shows. Ronnies have been paid not to take part in a one off Ronnieless spectacular called "The no Ronnies at all Show".

written by Auntie Jean, 21 February 2014
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Anti-wrinkle bath oil dropped by helicopter as Somerset is swamped again by storms

Industrial sized bath oil drums were dropped on Somerset by helicopter this morning to avoid women's fingers becoming irreversibly wrinkled. This follows Parabeautician deployment earlier today.

written by Auntie Jean, 16 February 2014
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Cameron - I went to Heaton not Eton

It's easy to make the mistake that David Cameron is an Eton "old boy", but in fact he went to Heaton school. "I have to laugh when people make this mistake", he told our Education reporter.

written by Auntie Jean, 10 February 2014
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Welsh farmer fancies Uranus

Welsh farmer Dylan Donaudamauchnadfidchiffahrrhyspitaenswitweru fancies Uranus. No misunderstandings mind you. Its you arse he fancies, not the race horse, not the planet, Your Arse

written by Auntie Jean, 07 February 2014
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Chinese rice farmers look for quick turnover in Somerset paddy fields

Chinese helicopters have created rice paddy fields all over Somerset. The genetically modified rice will be harvested by a Chinese satellite with a tractor beam when it is ready.

written by Auntie Jean, 30 January 2014
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UKIP party have natural comedy talent now exceeding that of Kim Jon un

UKIP, Britain's chief comedy party appear to be trying to attract Spoof writers' attention by consistently shooting their credibility in the arse. They have now topped Kim Jon un in the twat league.

written by Auntie Jean, 20 January 2014
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Spanish viewers vote Manuel from Fawlty Towers all time funniest T.V. character

Although first sppearing more than thirty years ago, Manuel (the waiter from Barcelona) is still regarded by Spanish T. V. Viewers as the most accurate portrayal of a Spaniard in history.

written by Auntie Jean, 17 January 2014
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Australian P.M. calls for Sting Rays to be called Big Flat Poisonous Fish

The misleading name Sting Ray is to be altered to stop Australian popular T.V. presenters from hugging them. The new name of Big Flat Poisonous Fish should help presenters to treat them with caution.

written by Auntie Jean, 17 January 2014
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Bernie Ecclestone steps down from F.1 board and wears built up shoes instead

Bernie Ecclestone has again stepped down from the board provided for him to see over the table top at F.1 claiming he is taller than 4 ft. 1 and high heels will enable him to see over the table.

written by Auntie Jean, 16 January 2014
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Millions deprived of Chinese Food due to forgetting about Chinese New Year

Statistics from Bejing Ministry for Chinese Food Carry Outs show that people who are supposed to bring Chinese food back from a night out with the fellas are forgetting about the Chinese New Year!

written by Auntie Jean, 16 January 2014
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Welsh "Blarney Stones" unveiled

In an effort to attain the popularity of Ireland as a tourist destination, the Prince of Wales has unveiled a set of "Jones Stones" which can be kissed to improve bullshitting skills.

written by Auntie Jean, 14 January 2014
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Australia twinned with Glasgow due to cultural similarities

Australia, a relatively unknown country north of New Zealand has been twinned with the City of Glasgow. Alexei Salmon said yesterday that he would be appealing, as "Glaswegians are quite posh now."

written by Auntie Jean, 13 January 2014
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New Royal baby's first word is in Welsh

Unaccountably, new Royal baby George Alexander Louis has spoken his first word in Welsh, "gwrthddatgysylltiadaeth", the Welsh Gaelic for Daddy !!!!

written by Auntie Jean, 12 January 2014
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Depressed peat bog found in Wales

Wales, home to peat mires, raised peat bogs, level peat bogs and raised peat mires has hit the jackpot with the discovery of a depressed peat bog at Y Borth, near Aberystwith.

written by Auntie Jean, 11 January 2014
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Raised peat mire at Y Borth officially eighth "Wonder of the World"

A piece of swamp on a stone in the glittering Welsh tourist magnet of Y Borth has now been nominated by World Heritage as a very nice raised peat bog, putting Y Borth level with Las Vegas in tourism.

written by Auntie Jean, 09 January 2014
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Daily Mail sales appear to fall with increasing use of soft toilet paper

A major selling point of the daily Mail may have been wiped. Forget squares of the "News" paper in public Portaloos, soft toilet rolls have now replaced our favourite wipe.

written by Auntie Jean, 09 January 2014
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Wales's top attractions 2013

1) Raised peat mire near Borth.
2) Dylan Thomas's toilet
3) Rain
4) Tatacre Beach
5) Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyll-llantysiliogogogoch village
6) Slates on sides of houses.

written by Auntie Jean, 04 January 2014
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Ipod rice trick works due to Chinese "rice fairies"

The "Putting a broken iPod in a bag with some rice" repair works due to "magic rice fairies", Stephen Hawking said yesterday. "It's not due to hungry Chinese assembly line workers fixing it."

written by Auntie Jean, 04 January 2014
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Scottish square sausages are "the right shape" according to Salmond

Alexei Salmonds, says square Scottish sausage slices will be the only sausages allowed in the EU when he regains the Throne. They will have to be made in Scotland, but within the U.S.K after 2016.

written by Auntie Jean, 03 January 2014
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Daily Maille so fond of Royal Scroungers it decides to give them handouts

The Daily Maille loves the helicopter using money squandering Royal parasites so much that it has put them on its payroll to the relief of the public who have to pay for them by working for a living.

written by Auntie Jean, 01 January 2014
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Linda Blaire re-possessed

After the release of The Exorcist, the movie studio lost money. Demons re-possessed Linda Blaire until debts were paid off. She was later re-exorcised by Anthony Hopkirk in a sequel.

written by Auntie Jean, 01 January 2014
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Snakes on a Plane 3 movie is about Snakes on a Plane

The Movie, "Snakes on a Plane 3" is once again about Snakes on a Plane. The studio said this morning, "We have stuck to the "Snakes on a Plane" format this time and missed out Snakes on a Plane 2."

written by Auntie Jean, 31 December 2013
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