Showing snippets written by Auntie Jean.
Show all snippets.
Warning Not To Let Trojan Horse Religious Cults Into Your House
Householders have been warned by police not to accept gifts of suspiciously large wooden horses with bibles. Once inside your house scores of evangelistic missionaries will jump out and preach at you.
God Admits Fucking Up With Aubergine Creation.
A film crew filming near the top of Mount Sinai today received a new 11th Commandment.
11) Aubergines were meant to be large poisonous Australian fruit, but I fucked up. Please return them, thanks.
Microwave Attachment Eliminates Need For Head Shaving
Hyram B. Dison's invention, which eliminates daily head shaving, is now on sale. "Microcaps" use a microwave to defoliate scalps with a rubber skull attachment similar to ones used in electric chairs.
Russian Masochists On Wife Finding Excursions To Barnsley
Fed up with an abundance of domesticated eager to please potential wives, Russian Masochists are queueing up to meet battleaxes from the town of Wombwell near Barnsley.
Ukrainian Lard Arse Festival Takes Place As Normal In Spite Of Conflict
Ukrainians celebrated their love of pork fat at the weekend by consuming a giant sandwich filled with 40 kilos of best lard.
The big "lard-in" was the centrepiece of a nationwide big arse festival.
British Spiders To Take Self Defence Lessons From Australian Spiders
British spiders who are mostly too timid to eat flies are ten times more confident after watching DVDs of Australian spiders according to a study by Sydney University spider faculty.
BBC Weather Forecaster Accused Of Bias
Weather Forecaster Jimmy Fish was hauled over the carpet today after stating yesterday that his predicted temperatures for the posh town of Bath were a little on the Conservative side.
Not Enough Room To Swing A Cat
Did you know?
Manx cats have no tails. They were once used as a room "size gauge" by Estate Agents, who cruelly swung them around by their tails to measure rooms. Since then tails have been illegal.
Amazonian Tribes Making Blowpipes Out Of Old Bagpipes
Amazonian Bearded Pig huntng tribes are appealing for people to post old bagpipes to them. The pipes can be made into "sub machine gun " blow pipes firing 5 poisonous darts per second.
Royal Baby Fast Tracked To Cheer Everyone Up After Terrible Spell Of Bad News
A Royal Baby has been produced using accelerated "Dolly The Sheep" techniques. Silly smiles will be back on Newsreaders faces within a week after a month or more of frowns due to war and accidents.
Deadly form of Tumbleweed racing across dilapidated Spanish Timeshares
Deserted Spanish beaches and Timeshare ghost towns are being plagued by horrific high speed tumbleweed, which has claimed many lives, according to Manuel, our Barcelona correspondent.
Mounting Frustration Cause Of Glory Hole Use
Glory holes are being used as general dumps, a survey claims. The closets, built into English 1920s houses, are bring used to dump the result of hurried tidying up, by working couples with no time.
Latecomers To Brazil-Germany World Cup Match Think Game Was Lost 1-7 On Penalties
Reporters arriving to report on the Brazil-Germany match late could be excused for thinking the 7-1 turkey shoot was being decided on penalties. The unprecedented annihilation was watched worldwide.
Prince Phillip Fitted With Shoulder Extension To Support All 107 Medals
At the Naming Ceremony of the Queen Elizabeth Warship at Rosyth today, Prince Phillip's Valet had to rig a metal clothes hanger to his shoulder to accommodate all 107 medals that the Duke was wearing.
King Making Royal Jelly Never Fed To Prince Charles
It has been revealed by the Freedom of Information Act that Prince Charles was not fed the vital King making Royal Jelly as a baby drone. This may explain his un-kingly manner and big ears and nose.
Borg Tennis Collective Assimilates The Planet - Resistance Was Futile
The "Hubba Hoe" Telescope has spotted a Space Ship Death Star moored behind the moon. The ship which is full of professional tennis Borgs has already assimilated The Earth including Wimbledon.
Vatican Closes Down Miracle Response Units (M.R.U.s)
Fifty Miracle Squads are to be closed from January 2015 due to loss of laundering revenue. Changes in Laundry rules have forced laundering to be done by nuns. Miracle numbers will be issued by phone.
Bagless Mc.Dyson Secretly at Work in Wales to Rid the Country of Old Bags and Boilers
Bagless Mc.Dyson is secretly working on a bagless Welsh ladies' handbag to rid the country of bags. The handbag uses a car battery, but the contents float weightlessly. Boiler elimination is next.
No Ronnies At All show being recorded for Christmas
The BBC has paid millions to prevent last year's glut of "Ronnies" shows. Ronnies have been paid not to take part in a one off Ronnieless spectacular called "The no Ronnies at all Show".
Anti-wrinkle bath oil dropped by helicopter as Somerset is swamped again by storms
Industrial sized bath oil drums were dropped on Somerset by helicopter this morning to avoid women's fingers becoming irreversibly wrinkled. This follows Parabeautician deployment earlier today.
Cameron - I went to Heaton not Eton
It's easy to make the mistake that David Cameron is an Eton "old boy", but in fact he went to Heaton school. "I have to laugh when people make this mistake", he told our Education reporter.
Welsh farmer fancies Uranus
Welsh farmer Dylan Donaudamauchnadfidchiffahrrhyspitaenswitweru fancies Uranus. No misunderstandings mind you. Its you arse he fancies, not the race horse, not the planet, Your Arse
Chinese rice farmers look for quick turnover in Somerset paddy fields
Chinese helicopters have created rice paddy fields all over Somerset. The genetically modified rice will be harvested by a Chinese satellite with a tractor beam when it is ready.
UKIP party have natural comedy talent now exceeding that of Kim Jon un
UKIP, Britain's chief comedy party appear to be trying to attract Spoof writers' attention by consistently shooting their credibility in the arse. They have now topped Kim Jon un in the twat league.
Send To A Friend
Send this site to a friend!
RSS & Feeds
The Spoof is proud to present all its stories as RSS Feeds.
Get Spoof News in your email inbox!