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Showing snippets written by Tony Bagodonutz.


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Seattle Police: Off-Duty Officers Work Pot Shop Security

Which in turn has increased donut shop sales exponentially.

written by Tony Bagodonutz, 10 January 2014
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Scientists: Americans Becoming Weather Wimps

Fat, stupid, weather wimps.

written by Tony Bagodonutz, 10 January 2014
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Who Benefits from JP Morgan's Madoff Deal Uncertain

Well, somebody "made off" with a lot of capital gain.

written by Tony Bagodonutz, 14 December 2013
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Single Mother Experiences Theft At Most Inconvenient Time

. . . as opposed to those hours of the day where theft is more convenient.

written by Tony Bagodonutz, 14 December 2013
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Lawmaker Strips In Congress to Protest Energy Bill

My air conditioning bill is way too high here in Mexico. This is the only way to cool off!

written by Tony Bagodonutz, 14 December 2013
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"Sister Wives" Family Wins Ruling in Bigamy Suit

The suit, designed by a local tailor in Provo, is both fashionable and functional, ideal for riding tandem bicycles!

written by Tony Bagodonutz, 14 December 2013
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Judge Finalizes Divorce of Jack White & Karen Elson

It's a nice day for a . . . White Divorce. Just doesn't have the same ring to it, does it?

written by Tony Bagodonutz, 14 December 2013
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New Jersey Man Sleeps 10 Hours Unaware Knife Stuck In His Back

"I thought we were just talking metaphor, but apparently I came home with a knife LITERALLY stuck in my back."

written by Tony Bagodonutz, 11 December 2013
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Study: Viagra May Relieve Women's Cramps

Apparently when a man takes the right dose of Viagra he is bestowed an ability to knock the cramps right out of his partner.

written by Tony Bagodonutz, 11 December 2013
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District Attorney Fights for Job in Civil Trial After DWI Conviction

You gotta fight, for your right, to PARTY!

written by Tony Bagodonutz, 11 December 2013
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St. Nicks Learn Tricks of Trade at Santa School

Tricks such as taking "Elfie" pics with subordinates and submission holds for unruly reindeers.

written by Tony Bagodonutz, 11 December 2013
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Colo. 6-Year-Old Suspended for Kissing Girl

Georgie Porgie Pudding Pie, kissed the girls and made them cry. They kicked his ass right out of school. The other kids thought he was cool.

written by Tony Bagodonutz, 11 December 2013
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American Woman Almost Wins "Arabs Got Talent"

Leaving the world even more confused.

written by Tony Bagodonutz, 11 December 2013
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Sarah Palin to Host New "Amazing America" Show

The creators are reconsidering the title. They scrapped the title "Annoying America" because they weren't sure how many followers it would get.

written by Tony Bagodonutz, 11 December 2013
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"Proven Crime Fighter" Chose To Lead NYPD

The new commisioner stated "He's the hero NYC deserves, but not the one it needs now. We'll hunt him. He can take it. He's not our hero. He's a silent guardian, a watchful protector, a Dark Knight.

written by Tony Bagodonutz, 06 December 2013
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Black Friday Business Buzz - UFC Considering New Scouting Venue

Insiders say that after all of the brawling at Walmart this year executives with UFC (Ultimate Fighting Championship) are sending talent scouts to Black Friday sales at the stores nationwide in 2014

written by Tony Bagodonutz, 02 December 2013
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Man Discovers Old Login Information for Myspace In Desk Drawer

"I figure I might logon at Myspace and catch up on those old friends that I never knew to begin with."

written by Tony Bagodonutz, 02 December 2013
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Retiree Explains Why Today's Stars Not "Edgy"

"So little miss Cyrus shakes her ass a bit on stage wearing vinyl booty shorts. Big deal. My generation was fully nude and getting it on in public back in '69!"

written by Tony Bagodonutz, 02 December 2013
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Man Cited for Tossing $1000 Bills at Mall of America During Choir Performance of "Let it Snow"

"In hindsight I probably should have held onto a few of the bills to cover these court costs," said the man who was just trying to spread holiday cheer.

written by Tony Bagodonutz, 02 December 2013
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Holiday Memories Help People Get Into the Spirit

In the meantime Holiday Spirits are causing some people to lose their memory.

written by Tony Bagodonutz, 01 December 2013
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Poll Reveals Americans Don't Trust Each Other Anymore

What an astonishing finding! How long has this been going on?

written by Tony Bagodonutz, 01 December 2013
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STUDY: Web Surfing Detracts from Other Activities

For example, I'm at work right now . . . . . . ohhh, shit! Gotta Go!

written by Tony Bagodonutz, 01 December 2013
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Sharon Osbourne's Plastic Surgery Confession: I Had My Vagina Tightened

Rumor has it that Ozzy performed "Sabbath Bloody Sabbath" during the procedure.

written by Tony Bagodonutz, 01 December 2013
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Kim Kardashian and Kanye West Go on a Black Friday Shopping Spree

The couple now being referred to by pop culture as Kimye were spotted shoving other customers out of the way in several stores, attempting to score hot deals. For the first time ever, West had no comment.

written by Tony Bagodonutz, 01 December 2013
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