Showing snippets written by Tony Bagodonutz.
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Seattle Police: Off-Duty Officers Work Pot Shop Security
Which in turn has increased donut shop sales exponentially.
Scientists: Americans Becoming Weather Wimps
Fat, stupid, weather wimps.
Who Benefits from JP Morgan's Madoff Deal Uncertain
Well, somebody "made off" with a lot of capital gain.
Single Mother Experiences Theft At Most Inconvenient Time
. . . as opposed to those hours of the day where theft is more convenient.
Lawmaker Strips In Congress to Protest Energy Bill
My air conditioning bill is way too high here in Mexico. This is the only way to cool off!
"Sister Wives" Family Wins Ruling in Bigamy Suit
The suit, designed by a local tailor in Provo, is both fashionable and functional, ideal for riding tandem bicycles!
Judge Finalizes Divorce of Jack White & Karen Elson
It's a nice day for a . . . White Divorce. Just doesn't have the same ring to it, does it?
New Jersey Man Sleeps 10 Hours Unaware Knife Stuck In His Back
"I thought we were just talking metaphor, but apparently I came home with a knife LITERALLY stuck in my back."
Study: Viagra May Relieve Women's Cramps
Apparently when a man takes the right dose of Viagra he is bestowed an ability to knock the cramps right out of his partner.
District Attorney Fights for Job in Civil Trial After DWI Conviction
You gotta fight, for your right, to PARTY!
St. Nicks Learn Tricks of Trade at Santa School
Tricks such as taking "Elfie" pics with subordinates and submission holds for unruly reindeers.
Colo. 6-Year-Old Suspended for Kissing Girl
Georgie Porgie Pudding Pie, kissed the girls and made them cry. They kicked his ass right out of school. The other kids thought he was cool.
American Woman Almost Wins "Arabs Got Talent"
Leaving the world even more confused.
Sarah Palin to Host New "Amazing America" Show
The creators are reconsidering the title. They scrapped the title "Annoying America" because they weren't sure how many followers it would get.
"Proven Crime Fighter" Chose To Lead NYPD
The new commisioner stated "He's the hero NYC deserves, but not the one it needs now. We'll hunt him. He can take it. He's not our hero. He's a silent guardian, a watchful protector, a Dark Knight.
Black Friday Business Buzz - UFC Considering New Scouting Venue
Insiders say that after all of the brawling at Walmart this year executives with UFC (Ultimate Fighting Championship) are sending talent scouts to Black Friday sales at the stores nationwide in 2014
Man Discovers Old Login Information for Myspace In Desk Drawer
"I figure I might logon at Myspace and catch up on those old friends that I never knew to begin with."
Retiree Explains Why Today's Stars Not "Edgy"
"So little miss Cyrus shakes her ass a bit on stage wearing vinyl booty shorts. Big deal. My generation was fully nude and getting it on in public back in '69!"
Man Cited for Tossing $1000 Bills at Mall of America During Choir Performance of "Let it Snow"
"In hindsight I probably should have held onto a few of the bills to cover these court costs," said the man who was just trying to spread holiday cheer.
Holiday Memories Help People Get Into the Spirit
In the meantime Holiday Spirits are causing some people to lose their memory.
Poll Reveals Americans Don't Trust Each Other Anymore
What an astonishing finding! How long has this been going on?
STUDY: Web Surfing Detracts from Other Activities
For example, I'm at work right now . . . . . . ohhh, shit! Gotta Go!
Sharon Osbourne's Plastic Surgery Confession: I Had My Vagina Tightened
Rumor has it that Ozzy performed "Sabbath Bloody Sabbath" during the procedure.
Kim Kardashian and Kanye West Go on a Black Friday Shopping Spree
The couple now being referred to by pop culture as Kimye were spotted shoving other customers out of the way in several stores, attempting to score hot deals. For the first time ever, West had no comment.
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