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Showing snippets written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw.


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L.A.P.D Weighs in on Jenner's Transformation

"Bruce Jenner drove like a prick," said a police spokesman. " Caitlyn drives like a cunt. Any questions?"

written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw, 30 August 2015
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Trump Fires Hairstylist

"You're fired!" Donald Trump bellowed to his personal hairstylist yesterday.
"It's about frickin' time!" muttered the FuxNews reporter who's been following him like a lost puppy all week.

written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw, 07 August 2015
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Rachel Dolezal Opens Up to Therapist

"I never actually believed myself to be black", she confided. "This whole charade just seemed to be the quickest, easiest way to land a humongous dick between my thighs."

written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw, 18 July 2015
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Spock's Predicament

The late Spock, as a half-human male, tried without success to solve a most curious problem: He was attracted to women with one huge boob!

written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw, 21 March 2015
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Sierra Paylin, Anne Colter Compare Boobs

Well, THAT got your attention, didn't it now?

written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw, 07 March 2015
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Tuxedo Sales Soar as Plumber's Butt Reaches Crisis Proportions

Tuxedo sales are booming as more and more overweight laborers discover what classical musicians have known for decades: Nothing covers up an embarrassing butt crack like a classy pair of coat tails!

written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw, 02 November 2014
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Zombies Seize Golem Heights

Key Israeli garrisons in the Golem Heights have fallen to an army of zombies marching in from Har Megiddo, led by a badly decomposing Jew clad only in a loincloth and a crown of thorns.

written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw, 13 September 2014
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Mayor Ford Denies All

This morning, in his first public press conference since his release from rehab, Toronto mayor Rob Ford told reporters: "I have never denied denying my failure to admit to being in denial."

written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw, 31 May 2014
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Rapper Flo Rida to Wed

Last night, rapper Flo Rida announced his engagement to his long time companion, hip-hop queen I da Ho. Though the couple has yet to set a wedding date, they plan to spend their honeymoon in Dahomey.

written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw, 24 May 2014
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Mayor Ford Denies All

This morning, in his first public press conference since his release from rehab, Toronto mayor Rob Ford told reporters: "I have never denied denying my failure to admit to being in denial."

written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw, 21 May 2014
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Cougar MILFs Losing Interest in Justus Beaver

Moms of teen girls used to go to Justus Beaver concerts to try to get close to him, but no more.
Explained one: "After he's been with that Serena Gonedz, I can't foresee teaching him anything new!"

written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw, 22 September 2013
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Syrian Military Denies Use of Nerve Gas

Syrian leader Basher de Sade has denied that his troops used nerve gas against civilians.
"We fart a lot. Blame our diet of lentils, hummus, and garlic. Is this against the Geneva Convention?"

written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw, 22 September 2013
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