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Alphabet Pasta Now Available in China

Thanks to 3-D printing technology, the Chinese are now able to produce noodles resembling every character in their writing system. Collect all four hundred cans!

written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw, 18 July 2016
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Caitlyn Jenner Endures First Bridal Shower, Changes Back to Male!

"I'll be brain-dead if I ever have to endure another four hours of turbo-girl-talk and inane party games again", she said.

written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw, 13 June 2016
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Trump Ponders Choice of Running MILF

"Sierra Paylin or Anne Colter. They both have big boobs, and both make me look rather sane by comparison. How to choose, how to choose..."

written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw, 21 May 2016
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Sanders Courts Jewish Vote

Bernie Sanders has decided to modify his debating style in a manner that will surely appeal to Jewish voters. Henceforth, he will answer all questions with questions of his own.

written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw, 13 March 2016
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Reindeer Becoming Elf-Radicalized

'Elf-radicalized' reindeer can be seen protesting at the North Pole and outside of major U.S. department stores, carrying signs and shouting: "DEATH TO THE GREAT SANTA!"

written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw, 06 December 2015
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Poutine Burns Turkey on Thanksgiving Day

"When Americans burn a turkey on this day, it's because they have gotten into the wine while the bird was in the oven. I burned Turkey with napalm today because I was 'pissed' in a different sense."

written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw, 28 November 2015
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Anvil Shortage in USA

The Acme Anvil Company of Bangor, Maine, just can't keep up with demand.
"Some guy in the middle of the Arizona badlands just keeps ordering more and more. I wish we knew what he's doing with them!"

written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw, 21 November 2015
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Zen Master Acquires iPhone, SIRI Attains Enlightenment

"I kept asking SIRI the same questions until it learned to abandon all preconceived notions and answer as a truly enlightened one would", explained Roshi Tawake-Sama.

written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw, 08 November 2015
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Hook-Noses, Towel-Heads Clash Over Ancient Holy Site

Oh, wait! Is this supposed to be a NEWS section? Well, this hardly qualifies. Let me go see if the situation has changed any in the last forty years....Nope, still the same old shit!

written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw, 17 October 2015
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Refugees Settle on Island of Lesbos

A boatload of Middle Eastern refugees has demanded permission to settle on the Greek island of Lesbos, rather than travel to the European mainland. "We will be model Lesbians!" they exclaimed.

written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw, 20 September 2015
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Hungary Protests Against Refugee Influx

"What makes these ragtag nomads from Asia think that they can gallop all over Europe with impunity?" demanded Hungary's U.N. ambassador Attila D. Honeybun, as he steadied his horse and drew his bow.

written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw, 06 September 2015
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L.A.P.D Weighs in on Jenner's Transformation

"Bruce Jenner drove like a prick," said a police spokesman. " Caitlyn drives like a cunt. Any questions?"

written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw, 30 August 2015
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Trump Fires Hairstylist

"You're fired!" Donald Trump bellowed to his personal hairstylist yesterday.
"It's about frickin' time!" muttered the FuxNews reporter who's been following him like a lost puppy all week.

written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw, 07 August 2015
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Rachel Dolezal Opens Up to Therapist

"I never actually believed myself to be black", she confided. "This whole charade just seemed to be the quickest, easiest way to land a humongous dick between my thighs."

written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw, 18 July 2015
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Spock's Predicament

The late Spock, as a half-human male, tried without success to solve a most curious problem: He was attracted to women with one huge boob!

written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw, 21 March 2015
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Sierra Paylin, Anne Colter Compare Boobs

Well, THAT got your attention, didn't it now?

written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw, 07 March 2015
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Tuxedo Sales Soar as Plumber's Butt Reaches Crisis Proportions

Tuxedo sales are booming as more and more overweight laborers discover what classical musicians have known for decades: Nothing covers up an embarrassing butt crack like a classy pair of coat tails!

written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw, 02 November 2014
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Zombies Seize Golem Heights

Key Israeli garrisons in the Golem Heights have fallen to an army of zombies marching in from Har Megiddo, led by a badly decomposing Jew clad only in a loincloth and a crown of thorns.

written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw, 13 September 2014
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Mayor Ford Denies All

This morning, in his first public press conference since his release from rehab, Toronto mayor Rob Ford told reporters: "I have never denied denying my failure to admit to being in denial."

written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw, 31 May 2014
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Rapper Flo Rida to Wed

Last night, rapper Flo Rida announced his engagement to his long time companion, hip-hop queen I da Ho. Though the couple has yet to set a wedding date, they plan to spend their honeymoon in Dahomey.

written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw, 24 May 2014
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Mayor Ford Denies All

This morning, in his first public press conference since his release from rehab, Toronto mayor Rob Ford told reporters: "I have never denied denying my failure to admit to being in denial."

written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw, 21 May 2014
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Cougar MILFs Losing Interest in Justus Beaver

Moms of teen girls used to go to Justus Beaver concerts to try to get close to him, but no more.
Explained one: "After he's been with that Serena Gonedz, I can't foresee teaching him anything new!"

written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw, 22 September 2013
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Syrian Military Denies Use of Nerve Gas

Syrian leader Basher de Sade has denied that his troops used nerve gas against civilians.
"We fart a lot. Blame our diet of lentils, hummus, and garlic. Is this against the Geneva Convention?"

written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw, 22 September 2013
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