Showing breaking news satire snippets written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw.

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Kanye Calls for Return of Slavery

"Slavery is one of the things that made America great, and it will, given the chance, make America great again!" he tweeted.

written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw, 13 October 2018

Kanye Announces Name Change

The artist formerly known as "Kanye West" shall henceforth be known as "The Other Very Stable Genius".

written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw, 13 October 2018

Dyslexic Christian Gets Boner Again

And, in related news, a dyslexic agnostic in New Jersey is still not certain as to whether there's a dog or not.

written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw, 15 September 2018

Redneck Torches Own Pubic Hair

Apparently, an astute sales clerk, on noticing her customer's MAGA hat, quickly stitched an extra NIKE logo onto the crotch of the gym shorts he was about to purchase -- and waited.

written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw, 08 September 2018

Self-Driving Car Hits Moonwalking Pedestrian

Apparently, the car's computer had difficulty determining which way the pedestrian was moving. For safety's sake, it is recommended that moonwalkers wear their hats backwards, until further notice.

written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw, 08 September 2018

Pedophile Defense Fund Debuts

It is completely secular in nature, and is expected to be popular among people who want to help pedophiles escape justice without having to sit through Mass every Sunday.

written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw, 27 August 2018

Roseanne Smokes Ambien, Commits Genocide

That's what can happen when the human brain receives a sudden rush of all those racistogenic molecules all at once.

written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw, 19 June 2018

Nevada Brothels Offer 50% Discount to "Incels"

"I hope y'all appreciate how much money we're losing on this", sighed one Madam. "I mean, I have to offer the girls one hell of a bonus just to let those twits come anywhere near their twats!"

written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw, 04 June 2018

Church of England Excommunicates Harry, Meghan

"Her current state of pregnancy is clear evidence of pre-marital sex", read a statement from the Archbishop of Cunt Herbiary. "This is a clear violation of our eternal and unchanging doctrines."

written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw, 27 May 2018

"Goop" Introduces Coal Egg

"Once you muster enough pelvic muscle strength to compress this baby into a diamond, you will have a beautiful gemstone to present to the man of your dreams," declared spokesmodel Gwyneth Paltrow.

written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw, 13 January 2018

Trump Tweets to be Appended to "Little Red Book"

Maoist scholars have been compiling all of His Orangeness's tweets, and, after careful deliberation, have deemed them to be just as insightful as the sayings of The Great Helmsman.

written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw, 13 January 2018

Canadian Rock Icon Dies, New Orleans Sinks

his band denies having anything to do with this catastrophe. When asked to comment, mayor Mitch Landrieu could only say: "Blub gurgle burble glub blub!"

written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw, 30 October 2017

Comey Firing Blamed on Auto-Correct

"I couldn't allow some commie to lead the Feral Burro of Instigation!" tweeted El Bendejo in all caps.

written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw, 20 June 2017

Trump Denies Existence of Comey Tapes

"Who uses tapes any more?" he asked. "USB sticks are where it's at!"

written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw, 18 June 2017

Transylvania Airlines Announces Policy Change

"From now on, when flights are overbooked, we will no longer impale surplus passengers beside the airport tarmac," announced company president Vlad Teppish.

written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw, 22 April 2017

Trump Nukes Sweden

"That's what they get for trying to cover up a terrorist attack on their soil!" he thundered, while randomly pushing every red button in sight.

written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw, 21 February 2017

Istanbul Police Tired of "Turkey Hunt" Jokes

"Yes, this is Turkey", sighed Police Chief Mehmet Arqodun, "and we are engaged in a manhunt, and we will shoot on sight, but can't you guys come up with something more creative?"

written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw, 07 January 2017

Exploding Samsung Phones Actually North Korean Plot

"Hey, we had to get rid of our excess fissile material somehow!" exclaimed the Dear Leader with a shrug.

written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw, 16 October 2016

Bill Clinton, Donald Trump Have Gay Affair

Test results are in from the lab: The stain on The Donald's tie is full of Bill Clinton's DNA.

written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw, 16 October 2016

Creepy Clown Groin-Kicks Donald Trump

O.k., not really, but it's fun to think about, isn't it?

written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw, 15 October 2016

Trump Vows to Bomb Al-Gebra

"When I am elected, my first priority will be bombing the Shiite out of Al-Gebra before they acquire weapons of math deduction. I bombed algebra in high school; I shall bomb Al-Gebra as president!"

written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw, 14 August 2016

Pokemon Go Players Killed on Artillery Range

A group of eight youngsters was killed by a single round from an M777 howitzer when they ventured onto a firing range at Fort Sill, Oklahoma in search of "Pokemon Go" characters.

written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw, 07 August 2016

Donald Trump Abducted by ISIS

His captors have reportedly strapped him to a chair, Clockwork Orange style, and are forcing him to watch Speedy Gonzales, Machete, and Cheech & Chong, until he volunteers to cut his own throat.

written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw, 30 July 2016

Democratic Party to Copyright "and" ,"if", "but" etc.

Copyright attorney Avrahim Goldfisch has announced that, on behalf of the U.S. Democrats, he was applying to copyright hundreds of common words, in an effort to curb plagiarism by U.S. Republicans.

written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw, 27 July 2016

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