Showing snippets written by Samuel Vargo.
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Hey Bruce, that's show biz!!! -
Bruce Broughton complained to the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences after his title track to "Alone Yet Not Alone" was nixed for nomination. He called the decision "stupid and hypocritical."
New NYC Mayor Bill de Blasio declares he wants to outlaw horse drawn carriages from Central Park -
And we thought outgoing mayor Michael Bloomberg's plan to limit soda sizes was silly. Now a lot of draft horses are out of work! Since they're equines, they can't even file for unemployment!
Reports show that airline pilots often land planes at wrong airports -
Since the 1990s, at least 150 cases of this have been documented. Drinking and flying don't mix! And don't smoke pot in the cockpit, you frauds!
No, actually it was my Uncle Charlie's bootheels staggering home from the pub last night! -
Archaeologists discovered footprints in the UK that are between 800,000 and 1 million years old - the earliest proof of human life in northern Europe.
Google Changes Search Engine logo to Protest Russia's Anti-Gay Stance -
by showing athletes skiing, sledding, curling and skating against a rainbow-colored backdrop. Vladimir Putin says he'll put the logo and Google into Soviet prison.
Pussy Riot's Nadia Tolokonnikov will run for Moscow's General Assembly -
And bandmate Maria Alekhina may also run. Before it's said and done, the girls might be running out of the country, though.
An Italian man allegedly cut open his Dublin landlord's chest and tried to eat his heart after a chess match -
Yikes, just think what would have happened if they were actually playing a wagering game like Texas Hold'Em?
Octomom Suleman charged with welfare fraud -
"You've come a long way baby," after being a famous mamma to a welfare cheat. Smile for the court monitors, mam.
A Wyoming lawmaker pushes to allow use of the firing squad to execute condemned state inmates -
if lethal injections aren't available. Wait, are you sure this wasn't a certain tea-bagger New Jersey governor who wants this as a punishment for anyone who says anything derogatory about him?
Marine biologist penalized for feeding killer whales in the wild -
Of course, the killer whales didn't mind. They couldn't believe such a nice lady would be fined and given community service time for giving them tasty treats.
Scientists claim prehistoric fish might have had rear legs -
And some fish today, thanks to chemical spills in the ocean, could have as many as thirty or forty legs.
More than half of Americans are holding on to their VHS players -
Which isn't so alarming, since nearly all Americans still read paperback and hardback books, preferring them to e-books.
Dennis Rodman led an auditorium of North Koreans in singing "Happy Birthday" to their leader -
after a hoops exhibition in Pyongyang. Kim Jong Un seemed to crack a smile and said he'd spare Rodman's life and keep him out of prison for life for singing a bit off-key.
Over 500 F-Bombs Fly on "Wolf of Wall Street" -
Which arguably makes it the "swearing-est" movie of all time, even comparing it to other profane notables like Casino, and Nil By Mouth, and Alpha Dog. How's about saying "darn," and "shucks"?
"Duck Dynasty" to take on a more serious Evangelistic tone -
With all the silliness gone, they'll now be competing with infomercials and QVC. And they'll be broadcast in the dead of night on OWN.
Fake Facebook likes, Twitter followers, and YouTube views abound -
Creating a host of fake celebrities and jacked-up ratings for wannabes and posers. Even The Spoof has 100,000 spider monkeys trained to click on its stories so we can rival the big guys.
"Humble and to the point, that's Herbie Hancock"
- Said Bill O'Reilly, speaking at the Kennedy Center Awards on Sunday. What a paradox, Mr. O'Reilly, to you, you slippery, silver-tongued, arrogant devil.
Everything FOX News says is right out of The Holy Bible -
Says a rabid Tea Partier, counting down the minutes to 2014, adding, And the world's going to end at 3:13 a.m. on January 15th. Jesus told me last night as he was perched on top of my Christmas tree.
Louisiana's Moses Says to Marry 15-Year-Old Girls -
Yeah, long-bearded one, ten minutes with her 15-year-old body will get a good 10 years sliced off a grown man's life. Do the fuzzy math yourself, you backwoods bayou Einstein.
Cuba will eliminate a currency pegged to the dollar -
And the peso to dollar ratio is so low that Cubans will now use cigars and sugar cane as a bartering system. Fidel's former fiddling around finally paid off!!!
"Going to Africa. Hope I don't get AIDS. Just kidding. I'm white!"
Tweeted Justine Sacco, who was IAC's corporate communications director. Her tweet went viral and she's not going to Africa, but to the unemployment line after Duck Dynastying herself. Quack Quack.
The Spoof has the holidays a little out of whack -
We're celebrating New Year's on Dec. 25th and Christmas on Jan. 1. We're in a hurry to party and by the first of the year, we'll all be sober enough to get sort of serious.
Everybody happy, happy, happy
That the Duck Dynasty guys finally made a very serious faux pas. Stick with the silliness, guys, and stay away from social issues.
Miley Cyrus's Christmas card has all concerned -
Keep those hearts on those nipples, Miley, we're not all too drunk to really appreciate them.
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