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UFO sightings hit all-time high

Since recreational marijuana was legalized in Colorado in 2012, more UFO sightings have been reported in the state than ever before, but legislators insist the correlation is merely coincidental.

written by Gee Pee, 06 March 2017
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Self-driving cars "too expensive," critic says

Auto mechanic Ben Fixt says, at their anticipated price of $300,000 each, self-driving cars will be too expensive for him. "I'd rather walk," he said.

written by Gee Pee, 05 March 2017
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California home to most homeless

Due to its liberal politics and socialistic economy, The Golden State has more homeless and more rich people than any other state in America.

written by Gee Pee, 05 March 2017
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Bimbo Bread changes name

After being charged with sexism, Bimbo Bread is changing its name. Henceforth, it will be known as Virgin Slices.

written by Gee Pee, 05 March 2017
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Costco to cost more

Costco announced it's raising membership fees so it can continue to give shoppers low prices.

written by Gee Pee, 05 March 2017
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Pelosi vows to resist repeal of Obummercare

Senate Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi says she's not about to sit idly by while Obummercare is repealed. "I need the insurance to pay for my plastic surgery and Botox!"

written by Gee Pee, 05 March 2017
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Lewinsky featured on new "adult" product

Monica Lewinsky's licensed likeness will appear on knee pads sold in adult bookstores and porno theater gift shops. Her face appears on each pad, above the caption, "At your service, Mr. President!"

written by Gee Pee, 05 March 2017
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Lindsey Graham confesses his love for John McCain

Senator Lindsey Graham said he's always loved his "good friend," Senator John McCain and, now that gay marriage is legal, Graham would marry him "in a heartbeat" if McCain proposed.

written by Gee Pee, 05 March 2017
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Pelosi says chat worse than semen

Senate Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi told Congress Clinton only "spilled his seed" on Monica Lewinsky; "Sessions spoke to Putin. Bill was impeached; Jeff should be, too. Talking to Putin is far worse!"

written by Gee Pee, 05 March 2017
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Lewinsky wears red and black, but not blue

With Monica the Mouth due to debut on TV, Monica Lewinsky twice appeared at Vanity Fair's Oscar party, wearing first black, then red. She won't wear blue, the color President Clinton ejaculated on.

written by Gee Pee, 05 March 2017
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Starbucks goes after Vatican City market

Hoping to sell its product to citizens of Vatican City, Starbucks announced two new espressos, The Rosary and The Pontiff. It might be a hard sell, though: reportedly, the Pope prefers fine wines.

written by Gee Pee, 03 March 2017
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Japan's latest taste treats

Japan, which gave the world both gokkun and bukkake, now offers "animal cafes," where the eateries' mascots, dogs, cats, and even owls, can be slaughtered, butchered, and cooked on demand.

written by Gee Pee, 02 March 2017
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Cemex wants Trump to build wall

Mexican cement company Cemex offered the U. S. "cut-rate prices" for its product, which executives hope will be used to build a wall to keep illegal immigrants at home, where cheap labor is needed.

written by Gee Pee, 02 March 2017
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Rachel Dolezal changes name

Although Rachel Dolezal, a white woman pretending she's black, says she can't afford to pay her bills, she was able to pay for a legal name change and is now known as Out of Africa.

written by Gee Pee, 02 March 2017
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Jeff Sessions rescues himself from Russian investigations

Previously, Attorney General Sessions said he's had no communications with Russia. Now, pleading the 5th Amendment, he will have no communications with the Justice Department.

written by Gee Pee, 02 March 2017
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Taliban leader asks Afghans for favor

Mullah Haibatullah Akhundzada asked Afghans to plant trees. "We need more places from which to ambush American dogs," he said.

written by Gee Pee, 26 February 2017
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Randy Quaid's act unconvincing

Has-been actor Randy Quaid was arrested at the border when, according to Mounties, he tried to impersonate a Canuck in order to illegally enter Canada. (The U. S. doesn't want him, either.)

written by Gee Pee, 26 February 2017
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You Can Tel It's Mattel: They Swell!

To keep up with the times, Mattel has introduced Transgender Ken. When his left arm is twisted, he grows boobs. "He can get as big as a 36C." Barbie says. "I'm jealous, because I'm on a 32B."

written by Gee Pee, 26 February 2017
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Boobs or Butts? Porn researchers know your preferred fetish

According to researchers, Internet users in the East prefer boobs, while Western Webheads would rather ogle butts. Penile preferences were not included in the study, as they're regarded as "too gay."

written by Gee Pee, 26 February 2017
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Discovery explains a lot

According to scientists, Neanderthal genes still influence our genes, especially those of Hillary Clinton.

written by Gee Pee, 26 February 2017
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Ollie returns to safety of zoo

After carousing the streets of the nation's capital, Ollie the bobcat, deciding he preferred the zoo, returned to his cage.

written by Gee Pee, 26 February 2017
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USMC: Hillary a bitch

According to presidential candidate Hillary Clinton, the United States Marine Corps turned her down when she sought to enlist at age 27. "Maybe the dogs will take you," the recruiter suggested.

written by Gee Pee, 13 November 2015
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Cops wah wah re: wanton wanker

Because he's "open" about his pastime (masturbating in public), NYPD are looking for a "well-endowed male black." "He'd be OK if he'd use a little circumcision--uh, circumspection," cops say.

written by Gee Pee, 10 October 2015
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Cops seek wanker

Because he's "open" about his pastime (masturbating in public), NYPD are looking for a "well-endowed male black." "He'd be OK if he'd use a little circumcision--uh, circumspection," cops say.

written by Gee Pee, 10 October 2015
Showing page 1 (of 14 pages)


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