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Xander Harris arrested in Boise, ID

Self-described "vampire slayer wannabe" Xander Harris was arrested in a Boise hotel lobby for trying to "stake" guests while babbling "incoherently" about someone named Buffy who, "told me to do it."

written by Gee Pee, 19 October 2014
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Jennifer Aniston: "I was up to the job"

Before she became famous as the Girl Next Door Who Is Most Likely To, actress Jennifer Aniston earned her living servicing johns. "The porcelain ones," she clarified, "not the horny kind."

written by Gee Pee, 19 October 2014
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Democratic National Committee chair predicts "landslide victory"

DNC chair Debbie Wasserman-Schultz predicts a "landslide victory" in next month's midterm elections. "The Republicans are going to win big time!" she said.

written by Gee Pee, 19 October 2014
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Police baffled by mysterious find

Police searching for a missing woman found the remains of a human female that closely resemble her. Mystified, the head of the Missing Persons Bureau admits, "Now, we don't know what to do."

written by Gee Pee, 19 October 2014
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Cruise ship Ebola free--this time

A health worker who potentially put the 4,000 passengers aboard a Carousel Cruise Lines ship at risk for Ebola tested negative. "Next time," she said, "I will try harder."

written by Gee Pee, 19 October 2014
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Obummer's latest Ebola "protocol"

Reacting to criticism of his administration's handling of the Ebola crisis, Obummer has announced plans to dispatch "swat teams" armed with flyswatters to combat the disease wherever it next appears.

written by Gee Pee, 16 October 2014
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Runaway teens want to come home after joining ISIS

Two Austrian teenage girls who left home to join ISIS want to return home. "Beheading people isn't as fun as we thought it would be," one whined. "It's messy," the other agreed, "and sort of gross."

written by Gee Pee, 14 October 2014
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Martha Stewart on Gweneth Paltrow's need to change lifestyle brand name

After visiting Gweneth Paltrow's lifestyle advice blog, Goop, Martha Stewart advised her would-be competitor to rename it. "A more fitting title," Stewart fumed, "would be Poop."

written by Gee Pee, 14 October 2014
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Gweneth Paltrow orgasms upon meeting Obummer

At a fund raiser, "actress" Gweneth Paltrow told President Obummer, "You're so handsome; I wish I were 162 million people, so my love for you could offset your negative ratings among other Americans!"

written by Gee Pee, 10 October 2014
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Supreme Court says it's okay to be gay

The US Supreme Court has decreed that Americans have the right to be gay. The Constitution, they ruled, implies this, just as it does rights to abortion, Obamacare, and anything else politicians want.

written by Gee Pee, 10 October 2014
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CNN layoffs loom

Unable to compete with Fox News, CNN has announced the layoff of its news crews. "From now on," owner Ted Turner says, "we just do human interest stuff and other fluff."

written by Gee Pee, 10 October 2014
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League: Kaepernick's behavior "sexist"

49er's quarterback Colin Rand Kaepernick was "reprimanded" and "fined" for wearing pink Beats headphones in support of the NFL's "Love the Boobies" breast cancer awareness campaign.

written by Gee Pee, 10 October 2014
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President Obummer: unemployment down

President Barack Obummer takes credit for single-handedly reducing the U. S.'s long-term unemployment. "Due to me, both Eric Holder and Julia Pierson recently resigned, making way for new hires."

written by Gee Pee, 03 October 2014
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Bill Clinton: U. S. can't win ground war vs. Iraq

Bill Clinton insists the U. S. armed forces cannot win a land war against Iraq "or any other country, no matter how many booties are on the ground, because there are too many gays in the military."

written by Gee Pee, 22 September 2014
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France launches airstrike against ISIS (or ISIL)

France announced it has completed its first air strike against ISIS, or ISIL, or "somebody" in Iran, admitting pilots confused their target with Iraq and asked the Iranians' "pardon."

written by Gee Pee, 19 September 2014
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Roger Goodell's mixed signals: a double standard?

Pressured by women's rights groups, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell said players may no longer "head-butt" their wives or girlfriends, but allowed the Cowboys' Michael Sam to butt-head his boyfriend.

written by Gee Pee, 19 September 2014
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Biden corrects the record (again)

VP Joe Biden says he "misspoke" when he characterized Jews as being "Shylocks." What he meant to say, he said, was "merciless moneylenders." He promises to be more "insensitive" in the future.

written by Gee Pee, 19 September 2014
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Scottish scholars explain Scotland's "no" vote

Political science professors in Scotland say voters said "no" to independence from England, Great Britain, and the United Kingdom because that's as close as voters could get to a "maybe someday" vote.

written by Gee Pee, 19 September 2014
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MPAA charges with "Sexism"

Feminists have charged the Motion Picture Association of America (MPAA) with "sexism" for labeling films featuring male nudity as "gross" while describing those containing female nudity as "yum."

written by Gee Pee, 06 September 2014
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Twitter quashes rumors

So many celebrities have posted nude photos on Twitter that the social networking service has had to deny rumors that it's changing its name to "Titter" and referring to posts as "tits," not "tweets."

written by Gee Pee, 06 September 2014
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New technology to offer better sex (toys)

Sexologists predict 4-D printing can (and will) be used to design dildos and other sex toys that create themselves by causing 3-D materials to assume new shapes after they are printed.

written by Gee Pee, 05 September 2014
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Horse meat a hard sell

Following the British government's announcement of its establishment of a Food Crime Unit, horse meat fanciers may have to settle for dog meat, as it is expected to be harder to sell equine entrees.

written by Gee Pee, 05 September 2014
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Scarlett Johansson on her nude selfies

"Actress" Scarlett Johansson is grateful, she says, that she posted only airbrushed nude photos of herself. "If the public got a gander of the real me, I wouldn't have any fans left at all!"

written by Gee Pee, 05 September 2014
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Buckingham Palace guardsman to be "disciplined"

One of Her Majesty's palace guards, a "frustrated ballerina," will be "drawn and quartered" for adding pirouettes to his routine. "The queen was not amused," a spokesman explained.

written by Gee Pee, 04 September 2014
Showing page 1 (of 12 pages)


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