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USMC: Hillary a bitch

According to presidential candidate Hillary Clinton, the United States Marine Corps turned her down when she sought to enlist at age 27. "Maybe the dogs will take you," the recruiter suggested.

written by Gee Pee, 13 November 2015
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Cops wah wah re: wanton wanker

Because he's "open" about his pastime (masturbating in public), NYPD are looking for a "well-endowed male black." "He'd be OK if he'd use a little circumcision--uh, circumspection," cops say.

written by Gee Pee, 10 October 2015
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Cops seek wanker

Because he's "open" about his pastime (masturbating in public), NYPD are looking for a "well-endowed male black." "He'd be OK if he'd use a little circumcision--uh, circumspection," cops say.

written by Gee Pee, 10 October 2015
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Nollywood's biggest boobs

"My boobs are Nollywood's biggest," Mitchell Ozakpol boasts. "Weighing in at a whopping 33 pounds of silicone, they give me more bounce to the ounce than any other female celebrity in Nigeria."

written by Gee Pee, 10 October 2015
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Boobs or Butts? Porn researchers know your preferred fetish

According to researchers, Internet users in the East prefer boobs, while Western Webheads would rather ogle butts. Penile preferences were not included in the study, as they're regarded as "too gay."

written by Gee Pee, 10 October 2015
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You Can Tell It's Mattel: They Swell!

To keep up with the times, Mattel has introduced Transgender Ken. When his left arm is twisted, he grows boobs. "He can get as big as a 36C." Barbie says. "I'm jealous, because I'm only a 32B."

written by Gee Pee, 10 October 2015
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Kim Kardashian: "I envy Caitlyn Jenner's boobs"

Kim Kardashian admits she'd "love a pair of pert and pretties" like those of transsexual swimmer Caitlyn (nee Bruce) Jenner but says she--Kardashian, not Jenner--is "allergic to silicone."

written by Gee Pee, 10 October 2015
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One of Harry Reed's relatives, no dount

A woman glued her eye shut when her husband mistakenly handed her a tube of Superglue instead of eye drops after debris blew into her eye. She has since filed for divorce.

written by Gee Pee, 10 October 2015
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"Paranoid" woman admitted for psychiatric observation

Ima Twit, admitted to a mental health facility for observation after complaining her skinny jeans tried to murder her by "constricting" her to death, said, "They're tighter than a boa constrictor."

written by Gee Pee, 23 June 2015
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Paris Hilton's "Quote, Unquote"

Social butterfly Paris Hilton's "Quote, Unquote" has just been published. Sample? "At first, I wanted to be a veterinarian, but then I thought, a diet of all fruits and vegetables would get boring."

written by Gee Pee, 22 June 2015
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Prince Michael II changes name

To avoid further bullying due to his ridiculous nickname, "Blanket" (Michael Jackson's son Prince Michael II) has changed his nickname to "Sheets and Pillow Case" or "Bedding," for short.

written by Gee Pee, 19 June 2015
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Jeb Bush to run for president

Jeb Bush has joined the 2016 presidential race, declaring, "If there's a Clinton in the race, there must also be a Bush. The American people want a choice between one dynasty or the other."

written by Gee Pee, 15 June 2015
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Rachel Dolezal resigns as "token" African-American

NAACP activist Rachel Dolezal resigned when she realized she is white, not black. The blue-eyed blonde vows to dye her hair its "original" color and forgo curling treatments and using tanning booths.

written by Gee Pee, 15 June 2015
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Kristen Stewart's new girlfriend prompts mom to seek intevention for her daughter

"Twilight" "actress" Kristen Stewart's mom, Jules, has hired a dating assistant to try to help Kristen, who is dating another woman, "get back on the straight and narrow."

written by Gee Pee, 15 June 2015
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Loose lips will win, Dunham wagers

Jimmy Fallon has agreed to a lip sync duel with Lena Dunham. He bets his lips will win the contest, while she's wagering her labia.

written by Gee Pee, 14 June 2015
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First human head transplant predicted

Italian surgeons predict that the first human head transplant could occur by 2017, but admit a man may not "accept" the replacement of the glans of his penis with the head of another man's cock.

written by Gee Pee, 14 June 2015
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U. S. government report points blame at itself

The CIA's report on the 911 terrorist attack on New York's World Trace Center attributes the 5,000 resulting deaths to "gross government incompetence," and calls for more taxes to "fix" the problem.

written by Gee Pee, 14 June 2015
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Mount Kinabalu tourists arrested for public indecency

Four naked tourists were arrested atop Mount Kinabalu. Some locals say the tourists' nudity angered a mountain spirit, who caused an earthquake, but police say they were arrested for "gross ugliness."

written by Gee Pee, 11 June 2015
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Charlie Sheen hospitalized

"Actor" Charlie Sheen has been hospitalized after eating his girlfriend's "clam." He complained that it "didn't smell right."

written by Gee Pee, 10 June 2015
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Jaden Smith wears dress to prom

Actor Will Smith's son, wannabe actor Jaden, says he wore a dress to his prom because his mom's gown was "at the cleaners."

written by Gee Pee, 10 June 2015
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Brian Williams to return to NBC

NBC execs say disgraced anchor Brian Williams may return to the network as in 'a new role" as a fact checker.

written by Gee Pee, 10 June 2015
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Oscar Pistorius: time served?

Oscar Pistorius will be freed from prison after serving 8 months of his 5-year sentence for murdering girlfriend Reeva Steenkamp. The reason? "White lives don't matter," South African officials say.

written by Gee Pee, 08 June 2015
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EPA warns Mother Nature's volcanic offspring

The U. S. Environmental Protection Agency said Indonesia's Sinabung volcano would be arrested had it spewed pollutants in the U. S. and warned American volcanoes "not to contribute to global warming."

written by Gee Pee, 08 June 2015
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Hillary tells fan to "go to the end of the line"

Presidential hopeful Hillary told a fan seeking her autograph "go to the end of the line, unless you're donating millions to the Clinton Foundation." Hillary claims to champion "the little people."

written by Gee Pee, 08 June 2015
Showing page 1 (of 13 pages)


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