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UK terror threat level raised to 'severe'
Theresa May is said to have taken this decision to divert attention from a week of damaging headlines for the Tory Party.
Norwich's Fry nears £8m QPR switch
QPR are close paying a record £8m to Norwich City for the affections of super fan Stephen Fry. It is the first supporter transfer since West Ham paid Shrewsbury Town £2m for Derek Smalls in 1982.
BBC announce Assange to join SCT
Julian Assange will leave the Ecuadorian embassy to compete in this years 'Strictly Come Dancing'. The 43 year old former lecturer will also be the first sex offender to appear on the BBC since Savile
Mourinho reveals he is building Chelsea for decade of dominance
Bookmakers slash the odds on him being fired before Christmas.
Luiz Felipe Scolari resigns as Brazil coach.
He has now been installed as Bookies favorite as the next Chelsea coach, making a return to the West London club around Christmas.
Rescue helicopter finds Jedward stranded on sandbank
Following the rescue the helicopter crew have since been placed in protective custardy after the Irish Coast Guard received threats from music lovers.
Cameron pledges £1bn to people with dementia
"Look you have to be demented to think I deserve a second term." He said at a press conference.
Sid the Sexist returns his free Current Bun
Lovable Geordie rascal Sid the Sexist has returned the 'Free Sun'. "It were nowt any good like." he said, continuing "It didny have any tits in it. No tits no way." he continued.
Celtic appoint Delia as new manager
The former Norwich chair and TV cook will have a 12 rolling contract at Celtic Park. She joins Clermont manager Helena Costa in being a female manager of a male team. Costa was an assistant at Celtic.
Susanna Reid to join David Moyes' club
The 'Good Morning Britain' presenter is set to join the former Manchester United manager in the club for fallen chosen ones, after ITV confirmed that 'GMB' was to be axed after the World Cup.
David Moyes sounded out about Lib Dem job.
While Nick Clegg maintains that he won't resign there are rumors that some senior Lib Dems have been sounding out former Man U manager as a replacement.
Nigel Farage sends Google a Forget Me Request
The UKIP leader hopes that if the search engine stops pointing to all the racists things he's said in the past he might just be able to fool some more people into voting for him.
Martin and Forsyth in Scotland squad
Coldplay singer and uncoupled husband of Gwyneth Paltrow has been named in Gordon Strachan's Scotland side to face Nigeria on the 28th May alongside 86 year old entertainer Sir Bruce Forsyth.
Agoraphobia sufferer beats fear after 48 years.
Unfortunately on her first trip out Nigel Farage canvasing in the street, suffered a sever relaps and is now locked in the coal cellar.
Britain is now "Post Christian"
Former Archbishop Rowan Williams said "Britain is not a Christian country anymore, in fact I would classify it as a country that worships whatever Ruper Murdoch tells it to."
Salmond thanks Farage
The SNP leader said "The frankly embarrassing set of posters from UKIP for the EU election have been a huge boost to the Yes campaign up here, Scots don't want to be associated with people like that."
Brendan Rodgers plans to 'unleash' fans on Man City
"It'll be just like the 80's" He said at the press conference "hundreds of copites with bats and knives looking to inflict damage on anyone who gets in their way."
Chicken nuggets sold at Sam's Club recalled
The nuggets were found to contain no meat, but were made up of sawdust swept off the abattoir floor after the high pressure hose used to reclaim the last scraps of 'meat' from the carcass failed.
Letterman and Forsyth in job swap
David Letterman is to stand down from 'The Late Show', cross the atlantic to take over hosting duties on 'Strictly Come Dancing' from Sir Bruce Forsyth who in turn will replace Letterman in New York
Sherwood 'Planning for Next Season'
He already has his lawn sorted so it's just the bedding plants he needs to work out.
Irish to rename St. Patrick's Day.
From now the 17th March will be a celebration known as St. BO'D's day in honor of Brian O'Driscoll.
Coldplay debut new track 'Midnight'
It comes from their new album 'Paint Drying' that they promise is as bland as the title suggests and won't upset anyone.
Pickles to visit Somerset Levels.
The Communities Secretary Eric Pickles is to visit the flood devastated Somerset Levels. He will be used as a flotation aid and it is the first time in his career he has been of use to anyone.
Burglars heading south for the spring
Hundreds of house breakers from major UK cities are heading south and hiring boats. "A bunch of villages full of posh people who have been evacuated perfect for us" said spokesman Edwardian Fred.
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