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Court rules in favour of ice pops
Further unpalatable gags re frozen sperm, as we get them...
Pope: 'mi cazzo es su cazzo'
Pope Francis gives slightly-too-welcoming speech. More soon.
Brooks denies being a redhead, but admits to 'intimate ginger moments'
more soon (we are sorry to say)
Rebekah Brookes cleared of all charges of journalism.
New Scottish currency confirmed as the giro
more soon, as they get it...
Farting in cars to be outlawed
Farting in private vehicles carrying children is soon to be made illegal. A proposal to allow farts 'if they are set alight' has been dismissed, although expected to be widely ignored by HGV drivers.
Continuing severe politician warning for South of England
Despite the worst influx of senior politicians for decades, meterologists are warning residents of the Somerset Levels that there is worse to come.
Chinese celebrate New Year with Findus Lasagne
Union leaders have called for Big Ben to strike
...during the funeral of Baroness Thatcher
Final pit closes on arrival of Mrs Thatcher
Brian Cox admits to sneezing bigger comets
after an amateur astronomer admits that the photograph that gained world acclaim was actually a bit of greenfly ejecta on his camera lens
Ganstas everywhere celebrate Motherfuckers Day
Huhne in Nectar Points scandal
A disgraced former MP was ejected from a Sainsbury's store today for attempting to redeem points against the cost of his shopping using a Nectar card bearing the name V Pryce
Huhne sentenced to re-marry Pryce as 'deterrent'
Human rights groups have reported they are apalled by the severity of the punishment.
Supermarkets to stock 'GG-free' burger range
Don't let hardened criminals out early, says Justice Secretary
"Best wait until they've gone a bit soft. That way you know they are probably satisfied and unlikely to do any harm. In fact they'll probably just go straight to sleep"
McKinnon 'health grounds' revealed to be 'hacking cough'
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