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Union leaders have called for Big Ben to strike
...during the funeral of Baroness Thatcher
Plane-load of cash impounded
Cypriot baggage handlers have expressed surprise at finding 650,000 euros in a bag on a flight from the UK. Cypriot customs have confirmed that there were indeed 450,000 euros in the bag. More soon.
Brian Cox admits to sneezing bigger comets
after an amateur astronomer admits that the photograph that gained world acclaim was actually a bit of greenfly ejecta on his camera lens
Tit-for-tattle in court
Breaking news for tomorrow's sentencing:
Pryce to claim that Huhne 'squeezed toothpaste from the middle'
Huhne to wear T-shirt in court with 'see what I have to deal with'
Bang! ...and the noise is gone
In a fit of wishful thinking, TV licence-payers will be buying Barry Scott's mum a packet of condoms for Mother's Day (again) this year.
Open letter: Dear Srallen
Give me £100K pa and I will happily make the fucking coffee
Sincerely
(electronically signed)
Satire website to ban 'Queen dies on Throne' jokes
in anticipation...
Huhne in Nectar Points scandal
A disgraced former MP was ejected from a Sainsbury's store today for attempting to redeem points against the cost of his shopping using a Nectar card bearing the name V Pryce
Judge in Pryce case commends single reasonable question
With respect to Huhne and Ms Pryce, the jury asked:
"How did they ever fancy one another?"
Huhne sentenced to re-marry Pryce as 'deterrent'
Human rights groups have reported they are apalled by the severity of the punishment.
"Whoa there!" say Tesco's
Tesco have announced a new 'zero tolerance policy' to any more customers pitching up to the meat counter and telling the butcher that they "are so hungry they could eat a horse"
Dara Ó Briain mainly an antidote to the 'Cox Effect'
Dara Ó Briain has admitted that he was recruited to present on Stargazing Live mainly to prevent "all the lads putting their telescopes straight on eBay"
Don't let hardened criminals out early, says Justice Secretary
"Best wait until they've gone a bit soft. That way you know they are probably satisfied and unlikely to do any harm. In fact they'll probably just go straight to sleep"
Rail commuters advised to 'go with the flow'
Commuters are currently reminded that they require a valid ticket to travel, and a 'one width' swimming certificate (laminated if possible).
McKinnon 'health grounds' revealed to be 'hacking cough'
more soon...
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