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Showing breaking news satire snippets written by Paxton Quigley.

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Commonwealth Games drugs shock

Jamaican limbo dance team member sent home for failing to use ganja

written by Paxton Quigley, 07 April 2018
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RSPCA demands release of Schroedinger's Cat

dead or alive

written by Paxton Quigley, 28 March 2018
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RSPCA demands release of Schroedinger's cat

"let it out of that box, dead or alive"

written by Paxton Quigley, 06 February 2017
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Biography of Roald Dahl reveals secret behind his name

dyslexic parents couldn't spell "Ronald"

written by Paxton Quigley, 08 December 2014
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Salmond declares Scotland will have its own currency

"Aye, we'll call it the Poond."

written by Paxton Quigley, 14 February 2014
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Disappointed Israeli ski team abandons winter olympics....

"we thought we were entered for the shalom"

written by Paxton Quigley, 08 February 2014
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PM's £45m Pig Semen Deal With China Reveals Skills Deficit

Education Secretary Michael "Screwball" Gove to set up national pig masturbation school.

written by Paxton Quigley, 16 December 2013
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AVB Thanks Fans After Sacking

"I will be forever grateful for the support I have received during my difficult time with Tottenham Hotspur and in particular I would like to thank the Arsenal fans who have always been there for me."

written by Paxton Quigley, 16 December 2013
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Manager Ian Holloway leaves Crystal Palace citing illness and fatigue..

"The fans were sick and tired of me."

written by Paxton Quigley, 27 October 2013
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Report says half of schools failing in religious education

...they are also failing in UFO studies, homeopathy and Greek and Norse mythology

written by Paxton Quigley, 06 October 2013
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Gok Wan in hospital for sex change

and admits "I've always felt that I wanted be a man."

written by Paxton Quigley, 28 August 2013
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DAB and internet radio station hit by Daily Mail moral panic

Spokesman defends the station "It's JAZZFM.com you arses, not Jizzfm."

written by Paxton Quigley, 23 July 2013
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Abramovich speaks out

and tells Chelsea fans "piss off and buy your own club"

written by Paxton Quigley, 04 December 2012
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Dave Lee Travis "has a hairy monster"

Girl speaks out...

written by Paxton Quigley, 15 October 2012
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Brixton Prison Break "Instigated by Gordon Ramsay"

"We just wanted to get away from the foul mouthed bastard" claims recaptured con.

written by Paxton Quigley, 19 June 2012
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"Who's the daddy?"

Sir Elton John in lovers' tiff with David Furnish.

written by Paxton Quigley, 19 June 2012
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Barack Barracked at Barracks

US President Barack Obama embarrassed to be heckled while making a speech during a lightning visit to NATO headquarters in Afghanistan.

written by Paxton Quigley, 05 June 2012
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It's official: The Queen is tops.

Sir Elton John is "humbled" to be voted best act at the Diamond Jubilee Concert

written by Paxton Quigley, 04 June 2012


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