Showing snippets written by Paxton Quigley.
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Salmond declares Scotland will have its own currency
"Aye, we'll call it the Poond."
Disappointed Israeli ski team abandons winter olympics....
"we thought we were entered for the shalom"
PM's £45m Pig Semen Deal With China Reveals Skills Deficit
Education Secretary Michael "Screwball" Gove to set up national pig masturbation school.
AVB Thanks Fans After Sacking
"I will be forever grateful for the support I have received during my difficult time with Tottenham Hotspur and in particular I would like to thank the Arsenal fans who have always been there for me."
Manager Ian Holloway leaves Crystal Palace citing illness and fatigue..
"The fans were sick and tired of me."
Report says half of schools failing in religious education
...they are also failing in UFO studies, homeopathy and Greek and Norse mythology
Gok Wan in hospital for sex change
and admits "I've always felt that I wanted be a man."
DAB and internet radio station hit by Daily Mail moral panic
Spokesman defends the station "It's JAZZFM.com you arses, not Jizzfm."
Abramovich speaks out
and tells Chelsea fans "piss off and buy your own club"
Dave Lee Travis "has a hairy monster"
Girl speaks out...
Brixton Prison Break "Instigated by Gordon Ramsay"
"We just wanted to get away from the foul mouthed bastard" claims recaptured con.
"Who's the daddy?"
Sir Elton John in lovers' tiff with David Furnish.
Barack Barracked at Barracks
US President Barack Obama embarrassed to be heckled while making a speech during a lightning visit to NATO headquarters in Afghanistan.
It's official: The Queen is tops.
Sir Elton John is "humbled" to be voted best act at the Diamond Jubilee Concert
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