Showing breaking news satire snippets written by Paxton Quigley.

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RSPCA demands release of Schroedinger's cat

"let it out of that box, dead or alive"

written by Paxton Quigley, 06 February 2017

Biography of Roald Dahl reveals secret behind his name

dyslexic parents couldn't spell "Ronald"

written by Paxton Quigley, 08 December 2014

Salmond declares Scotland will have its own currency

"Aye, we'll call it the Poond."

written by Paxton Quigley, 14 February 2014

Disappointed Israeli ski team abandons winter olympics....

"we thought we were entered for the shalom"

written by Paxton Quigley, 08 February 2014

PM's £45m Pig Semen Deal With China Reveals Skills Deficit

Education Secretary Michael "Screwball" Gove to set up national pig masturbation school.

written by Paxton Quigley, 16 December 2013

AVB Thanks Fans After Sacking

"I will be forever grateful for the support I have received during my difficult time with Tottenham Hotspur and in particular I would like to thank the Arsenal fans who have always been there for me."

written by Paxton Quigley, 16 December 2013

Manager Ian Holloway leaves Crystal Palace citing illness and fatigue..

"The fans were sick and tired of me."

written by Paxton Quigley, 27 October 2013

Report says half of schools failing in religious education

...they are also failing in UFO studies, homeopathy and Greek and Norse mythology

written by Paxton Quigley, 06 October 2013

Gok Wan in hospital for sex change

and admits "I've always felt that I wanted be a man."

written by Paxton Quigley, 28 August 2013

DAB and internet radio station hit by Daily Mail moral panic

Spokesman defends the station "It's you arses, not Jizzfm."

written by Paxton Quigley, 23 July 2013

Abramovich speaks out

and tells Chelsea fans "piss off and buy your own club"

written by Paxton Quigley, 04 December 2012

Dave Lee Travis "has a hairy monster"

Girl speaks out...

written by Paxton Quigley, 15 October 2012

Brixton Prison Break "Instigated by Gordon Ramsay"

"We just wanted to get away from the foul mouthed bastard" claims recaptured con.

written by Paxton Quigley, 19 June 2012

"Who's the daddy?"

Sir Elton John in lovers' tiff with David Furnish.

written by Paxton Quigley, 19 June 2012

Barack Barracked at Barracks

US President Barack Obama embarrassed to be heckled while making a speech during a lightning visit to NATO headquarters in Afghanistan.

written by Paxton Quigley, 05 June 2012

It's official: The Queen is tops.

Sir Elton John is "humbled" to be voted best act at the Diamond Jubilee Concert

written by Paxton Quigley, 04 June 2012

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