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Brazil to replace retired Fred with the even more retired Ronaldo. Fred to be painted red & become London bus.
According to sources within the Brazilian FA, new coach (and former coach) Dunga, sees his old team mate as the perfect replacement for the upcoming Copa America.
"Mobility is key." Said Dunga.
Fox News terrorism "expert" says sorry after admitting he didn't do his homework on Birmingham
Steve Emerson had earlier claimed his dog ate it. He considers it extremely unfair he's been ridiculed the planet over instead of getting the usual punishment of detention and 100 lines.
James Rodriguez wins FIFA goal of the year award
He beat off competition from ladies footballer Stephanie Roche. FIFA pres. Sepp Blatter says she may have won if she'd been wearing tighter shorts.
Crayola sorry after their Facebook page was full of breasts and sex jokes all weekend
They now say they want to draw a line under the embarrassing incident. With a crayon.
Wolves boss Stale Solbakken close to the sack
The former boss of West Midlands rivals Aston Villa and Birmingham, Alex McLeish, is in the running to take over.
That'll go down well at Molineux.
After that McLeish fancies the West Brom job.
Olly Murs tops both the UK singles and album music charts
He beat off competition from Bruno Mars, Ke$ha and Alicia Keys.
And they say the charts mean nothing.
Newly French Joey Barton wants to stay at Marseille
He claims he can't come back to England because he's completely forgotten how to speak English since he learned French.
Missing you already.
The Catholic diocese of Milan increases specially trained exorcism priests from 6 to 12
If anyone requires the exorcism service they can call a newly set up hotline that's been established to deal with an increasing volume of calls.
It's an easy number to remember, just dial 666.
David Cameron has "serious concerns" over statutory regulation of the British press
A cynic could say that Cameron would think that and he wouldn't want to annoy the press as it may have an effect on his parties chances of winning the next election. Is he playing politics?
Lindsay Lohan facing more police charges
No she hasn't taken more jewellery without consent.
This time she's been arrested for crimes against acting following her portrayal as Elizabeth Taylor in 'Liz and Dick' which premiered on Sunday.
Mayor of London Boris Johnson in India promoting business links with the capital
Some media outlets reckon BoJo is using the trip to promote himself on the world stage in preparation for a bid to be PM.
These same outlets have been doing it for him for 2 years.
The always caring David Cameron takes time out of his busy schedule to visit victims of UK floods
As if the poor buggers haven't suffered enough.
One woman commented, "Well, at least it wasn't that George Osborne."
Mad Rotherham council remove 3 "non indigenous white British" foster kids from the care of UKIP couple
Citing UKIP's immigration policy as the reason. They say it's racist & have also insinuated the couple are racist too. Why would they foster 3 "non indigenous white British" kids if they were racist?
European parliament sprayed with milk by angry farmers as they protest for a 25% increase in their prices
They want the rise to cover their costs following a fall in dairy prices. MEP's have accused them of trying to milk the system.
They should know. They've been at it for years.
Beckham to leave LA Galaxy. Zlatan Ibrahimovic urges him to join PSG if he wants more trophies
Beckham's been linked with a move to QPR. Pundits reckon he's keen to add to his collection of English footy honours with a League Cup medal as he's never won one.
Or a Premier League wooden spoon.
Mark Carney, current head of Canada's central bank appointed next governor of the Bank of England by George Osborne
He'll serve 5 years on a £624K salary but no pension. Some wonder why he'd need a pension given his huge salary. If he's not got the nous to save for old age he probably shouldn't be running a bank.
Cameron heaps praise on 'Tour de France' winner Bradley Wiggins
After having the concept of cycling explained to him and finding out who Bradley Wiggins is, our PM, clearly a cycling officiando, has declared himself "delighted" with Wiggins achievement.
BBC reduces its star pay by £9.5 million in the financial year 2011-12.
It sounds like they've axed loads of highly paid stars until you realise that £6 million of the reduction was made by not renewing Jonathan Ross' contract.
Grampian Police Investigate Theft Of Up to 400 Sheep.
Police are looking for a man who has been having trouble sleeping.
A spokesman added that they will not allow anyone to pull the wool over
their eyes during the investigation.
Wonky mouthed Katie Holmes files for divorce from tiny Tom Cruise
Staying married looks like a real Mission Impossible for Cruise.
This is his third divorce and signals the end of his marriage trilogy.
David Beckham could still compete at Olympics
Old "Golden Balls" is considering an offer to be part of GB's syncronised swimming team.
According to an insider he is training hard and has already ditched his armbands
Barclay's Bank CEO to pay FSA fine out of his own pocket
Bob Diamond will stump up the whole £290 million himself.
He's a little bit short of the full amount but intends to sell his surname to cover the rest.
He'll now be known as just Bob.
Barclay's Bob is not a diamond geezer
Barclay's CEO, Bob "100 Carat" Diamond, is facing calls to quit after his bank was caught trying to fiddle inter-bank interest rates.
Poor fella gave up his bonus as well.
Whip round anyone?
Tony Blair keen on being Prime Minister again but acknowledges it's unlikely
Mr Blair is rumoured to have met with Peter Mandelson and Alistair (You Spin Me Right Round Baby) Campbell to discuss returning.
They plan on rebranding the party as Even Newer Old New Labour.
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