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President Obama On Board Air Force 1 - Heading To Beverly Hills
Whitney Houston died in the Beverly Hill hotel, suspected cause of death is a drug overdose. Obama reportedly going to put his hands on her and bring her back to life. The Catholic Pope has doubts.
Congress To Ban Negativity From Daily Lives
In an effort bring meanness to an end congress has ban all negativity. Scientists claim this would disrupt physics as we know it because about 1/3rd of all matter has a negative charge.
McDonald's McNugget Sales Down By 50% Last Quarter
In an effort to boost sales of the once popular McNugget, McDonald's has spent nearly $100,000 in the development of their new Tuna Flavored Dipping Sauce.
Mitt Romney Announces Running Mate Choice
Republican nominee has said if he wins the nomination Jimmy Carter will be his Vice President. Reportedly the republican base is disenchanted while the democrat base is confused about who to vote for.
National Tanning Salon Chain - Going Green
Sun Tan City, a tanning salon chain has installed solar voltaic panels on the roofs of all their salons. A spokesman says, "Now we are truly harnessing the power of the sun in our tanning machines."
The Invisible Man Sues Superman
The Invisible Man is suing Superman after he allegedly burned his clothes of with his laser eyes. The Invisible Man claims to suffer from emotional trauma after being left in public completely naked.
Nascar: DRIVE4COPD 300 - Race Cars To Be Replaced By Turtles
The 120 lap 300 mile race at Daytona is to be held 2/25/2012. Race completion and winner suspected to be announced sometime in 2014. Kyle Busch protested by crying and holding his breath.
Police To Start Using A New Less Than Less Lethal Weapon
Due to accusations of police brutality cops are now equipped with turkey feathers. Tests have shown that criminals if tickled submit to officers because they can't breath through their laughter.
Mentos And Diet Coke - Lockheed Martin Colaboration
F-22s are now going green. They will no longer contribute to climate change because their engines are being replaced with large Coke bottles. To throttle up the pilot releases mentos into the bottle.
Disney To Build A Roller Coaster To Mimic The US National Debt
Disney has hired Stengel Engineering to design a coaster to educate park visitors on the size of the National Debt. Skeptics say the ride won't be any fun being that it only goes and never comes down.
Political Experiment - Unexpected Results
An Indiana couple, 1 republican and 1 democrate, give birth to a libertarian. Many Constitutionalists like Ron Paul think this might be the key for getting this country back on track.
Man Starves To Death On McDonald's Diet
Michael Moore, film producer died while creating a film about the new McDonald's diet. He claimed to be able to eat as much as he liked and still lose weight. Autopsy reveals he had a giant tapeworm.
Man Almost Killed Then Saved By Spoof Snippet
Jack Geoff, a KY. man read a funny snippet on spoof and choked on a hotdog. Because of his quick thinking he read another snippet and laughed up the hotdog and then took a deep breath, avoiding death.
People Cheer Obama For Saying The Truth
Hacker group Anonymous hacked into the Whitehouse teleprompter program and replaced all the lies with the truth. Witnesses said Mrs. Obama stated, "For the First Time in My Life, I'm Proud of My Man"
Green Cars And Dumb People
Betty, an Alabama woman is suing General Motors. She accuses them of making her feel stupid because of the way the Chevy Volt hides the gas cap each time she stops at the gas station.
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