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Health shocker! Graham Norton diseased nose scare.
Chat show fave, Graham Norton was discharged from a London hospital today after treatment for a mystery nasal infection. Doctors say it was apparently caused by excessive amounts of brown nosing.
Aliens complain after Diane Abbott race slur
MP Diane Abbott, Shadow Health Minister is embroiled in yet another race gaff, referring to 'illegal aliens' when discussing immigration. Intergalactic species have rung Ed Milliband to complain.
Scotland Yard launch investigation into missing turkey
An investigation has been launched into a missing turkey from E.Londoner,Ivy Boggs' fridge today. Reports that a local Bangladeshi restaurant just added turkey curry to their menu haven't been proven.
Rush for easter eggs on as crimbo shoppers kill two birds with one stone
Xmas shoppers have been snapping up easter eggs too as stores take advantage of the festive rush. Shopper Fred Flange said, 'I ain't going through this crowds shit again in a hurry so just as well.'
Christmas shocker! 'The Buble' doing the honours this year.
News reaches us that Santa is unable to deliver millions of gifts this year around the world due to the measles. After sleigh training and gig reshuffles, Michael Buble will be doing the honours.
Piers Morgan, Simon Cowell, Jonathan Ross and John McCririck abducted by aliens
After 30 seconds and a quick glance to the heavens with a random 5-year old's Toys 'r' us' telescope, the search for them has been called off. Efforts to thank the aliens continue in the new year.
Shockers! One Xmas show found without 'The Buble' in it!
There is at least one programme on tv this Xmas that doesn't have the singing Canadian cheese puff, Michael Buble in it. Though approached to do the Queen's speech this year, he had prior commitments.
Katie Price Tit Explosion: rogue silicone to blame.
Katie Price suffered a horrific blow yesterday when her double G's blew up due to excessive heat at a christmas candlelight service in Brighton. A witness said: 'It was the Hindenburg all over again.'
The Queen: 'It's a Butlins piss up for us this Christmas.'
The press office have released details of the Royals Xmas plans this year. Sympathising with the recession hit public and enforced pay cuts, the Queen and family will spend Xmas in a Clacton chalet.
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