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Showing snippets written by Clive Danton.


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Abu Hamza's Health "Deteriorating"

HUZZAH!

written by Clive Danton, 02 October 2012
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Double Amputee Expelled From Paralympics

"He kept arsing about" a Games spokesperson said last night.

written by Clive Danton, 07 September 2012
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Victoria Pendleton's Frustrated Boyfriend Hits Out.

"She always seemed to be on her bloody cycle!" he said last night.

written by Clive Danton, 07 September 2012
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Sex Survey Reveals Women's "Sexiest Time"

My old woman reckons it's when I go down the pub and the geezer next door comes in to service the boiler :(

written by Clive Danton, 10 May 2012
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Chinese Political Prisoner Survives By Drinking Own Urine

Blimey sounds like a night's boozing in The Lord Rodney's Head, Whitechapel! :(

written by Clive Danton, 09 May 2012
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A London Teenager Is Shot Or Knifed In The Capital Every Day

Oh well we can't all be Mr Popular I suppose :(

written by Clive Danton, 02 May 2012
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Man Pays 21K At Southerbys For FA Cup Final Programme

Blimey I remember paying 2/6d for mine at the turnstiles at Upton Park! It's no longer a working man's game is it? :(

written by Clive Danton, 02 May 2012
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British Fighter Jet Shot Down By US Friendly Fire

Flight Lieutenant Alan Baxter told MOD investigators "They waved cheerily, blew kisses and then blasted us out of the sky"

written by Clive Danton, 07 April 2012
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Coffee Cuts Risk Of Alzheimers

Now then, where did I put that poxy cup? :(

written by Clive Danton, 24 March 2012
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Man Held By Dorking Police

"I'm completely innocent!" he said last night. "I've never dorked in my life!"

written by Clive Danton, 19 March 2012
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Englebert To Represent Britain In Eurovision Aged 98

A showbiz pal revealed he intends to give a rendition of "I'll Take The Last Rites With You"

written by Clive Danton, 02 March 2012
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Man Quits Job At Helium Balloon Plant

"I wasn't going to have people talking to me like that!" he said last night.

written by Clive Danton, 01 March 2012
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John Motson Stricken By Tourette's Syndrome

Oh no, he's hit the fucking post the ****! said the popular football commentator last night.

written by Clive Danton, 21 February 2012
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Man Held For Using Smutty Innuendo And Threatening The Clergy

"I can't wait to bash the bishop!" he said in a statement last night

written by Clive Danton, 10 February 2012
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Man Found To Be Suffering From Rare "Posh" Tourettes

When questioned he replied "You're all a load of flipping flippers and jolly bad eggs and deserve roasting in front of an open fire! HUZZAH HUZZAH FUCK!

written by Clive Danton, 09 February 2012
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Man Loses Letter "C" from Keyboard

"It's been an absolute unt ever sine I bought the fuker" he said last night

written by Clive Danton, 27 January 2012
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Silent Movie Set For Clean Sweep At Oscars

A delighted movie insider said last night "....................................!"

written by Clive Danton, 24 January 2012
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Vicar Converts Shed Into Brothel

"I used to keep garden tools and spare cassocks in the shed but now it's a thriving rub and tug shop and I'm pimping for 6 bitches! I cant wait to tell the bishop!"

written by Clive Danton, 20 January 2012
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Wenger Blames Global Warming For Recent Poor Form

"Well I've blamed everything else for us being a bit crap so why not this?" said the runny-nosed Gallic numpty last night

written by Clive Danton, 14 January 2012
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US Marines Urinate On Slain Taliban

A Pentagon source explained "The boys were just trying to disinfect their beards before handing them over to their grieving families....honest"

written by Clive Danton, 12 January 2012
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Ref's Whistle Stolen. Tiny Clanger held.

When arrested he said "Whooooooo whooooop whoooooo whoooooooo whoooop whooooooooooooo whoooooop OFFSIDE! whoooooooooooooooooooooooo."

written by Clive Danton, 25 December 2011
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Chinaman's Heart Rejects Prince Philip

"That'll teach him to call us "slanty-eyed gits, the kebab guzzling c***!" said the heart with a fair degree of feeling last night

written by Clive Danton, 24 December 2011
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George Michael Reveals "It Was Touch And Go"

Another day spent in the public lavatories in Hampstead presumably.

written by Clive Danton, 24 December 2011
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Cliff Richard Held After Drunken Rumpus In Church.

When confronted by the press he denied it vehemently saying "You're me besht mates you are! Gish a fag, g'wan gish a fag" and "I'll tek the f***'in lot of yers!"

written by Clive Danton, 21 December 2011
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