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Gove's anti-gay gaff
The TUC have accused Michael Gove of failing in the distribution of an anti-gay publication in schools; Gove has assured the union that Bibles will reach schools once he acquires the necessary funding
Predicted rise in alcohol misuse by 2015
Alcohol Concern predicts that alcohol misuse will rise to 1.5 million by 2015; patients have been advised to take up overeating and smoking too if they ever want to see the top of an NHS waiting list.
Manchester record book merger
In an effort to beat the world record for most points in a season, Manchester City and Manchester United are merging their clubs into one single team. They currently lead the Premiership by 65 points.
TV extension for Room 101
This week's episode of BBC's Room 101 has been postponed due to a lack of storage space caused by increasingly incessant guests. It will continue its current run once a larger space has been located.
Moyles axed live on Channel 4
Budget cuts at Channel 4 have led to the axing of Quiz Night host Chris Moyles. The live public execution will be broadcast next year as part of the popular series "Inside Nature's Giants".
Lib Dems announce image consultation
The Lib Dems have announced a consultation to boost the party's image. Experts suggest a selection of business suits from the new M&S Ultimate Performance range for a smart/contemporary look.
A fighting chance - Johnson's new strategy for Olympic gold
The recent announcement that females in the UK are the most obese in the EU has coincided with the setup of new training courses in female sumo wrestling to increase chances of Olympic gold in 2012.
Osborne proposes deficit reduction scheme
George Osborne has announced a drastic deficit reduction scheme. A referendum will be held to decide whether to bet the winter fuel allowance on red or black at a local casino.
Megabus offers temporary housing
Megabus have offered a possible solution to the housing crisis by leasing a fleet of decommissioned sleeper buses and a quiet car park to Shelter, the homeless charity.
X Factor - A new challenger awaits!
ITV's The X Factor faces tough competition from new rival show 'The eX Factor' featuring the judging panel from the original first series - Simon Cowell, Louis Walsh and Sharon Osbourne.
MoD spending spree
Reports inside the Ministry of Defence say that the UK's annual defence spending has doubled due to the improper use of a voucher code, which has since expired.
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