Showing snippets written by Nash D. Plott.
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MDA ousts spokesperson Jerry Lewis, replaced with pictures of Lewis
The MDA has replaced Jerry Lewis with pictures of Lewis, fondly regaling audiences of the 2011 telethon with Lewis stories and telling them what Jerry would say had they not ordered him to job off.
German Banks Ink Deal with Transeuropa
The ferry to Belgium should be a lot safer, claims officials. German banks have already proved that they can float the entire country of Greece.
New Caledonian Cannibals Eat Clown
Cannibals ate a clown vacationing in New Caledonia. Officials learned of the incident when the cannibals got worried and went to a local clinic, claiming that the clown "tasted funny"
Talking Goldfish a Hoax
Investigations into claims of a talking goldfish in Topeka Kansas uncovered a hoax. Upon investigation the goldfish proved to be completely mute. The voice was in fact coming from the snail.
Amhadinhajad Announces Iranian Moon Mission
Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has announced an ambitious Iranian lunar program. The original movie set from the American lunar mission came up on Ebay, and Iran sniped it from the Chinese.
Casey Anthony Reveals all in New Book
In a new book co-authored by OJ Simpson, Florida mother Casey Anthony claims that her daughter Caylee was actually abducted by a dingo but that she lied our of fear that nobody would believe her.
Heather Mills Sues Waiter for Leg Slur
A waiter in Chatham was sued by Heather Mills for £100,000 of pain and humiliation. When Mills huffed down four desserts whe waiter quipped, "Got a hollow leg, luv?". Mills was manifestly unamused.
S&P Rates Willy Nelson at AAA credit rating; USA still at AA+
Standard & Poor's raised Willy Nelson's credit to AAA, making him suddenly more creditworthy than the United States of America. Said Willy, "Eat this, IRS.. and I'm still not going to shower"
American Military Policy switches to "Don't Look, Don't Listen"
"Don't ask, don't tell" is gone. American officials have announced a new more equitable policy based upon a combination of "Don't Look, Don't Listen" and "Keep it Down Over There"
Charlie Sheen Eaten by Trolls
Troubled actor Charlie Sheen was eaten by trolls as tried in vain to attract help. Workers at 911, who had received 53 calls from Sheen in the past 30 days, failed to take the call seriously.
Half of Canadian Navy Destroyed, Other Boat OK
The Canadian navy suffered a devastating loss when one of its two destroyers sank in the Persian Gulf. A spokesman attributed the accident to somebody leaving the toilet seat up during a storm.
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