Showing snippets written by Les Being.
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New cancer wonder drug
It's called "Libya". Only got three months to live? Try Libya, you will live for at least two years longer and remember, its government approved.
English Olympic village on time and on budget
David Cameron said; "This just goes to show what can be done with English tax payers money and East European labour"
Barack Obama in emergency talks to secure US debt deal
Obama said; "I've seen the film Greece, we don't want that to happen in America"
Newcastle woman accused of biting boyfriend's testicles off
She denies any wrongdoing saying; "It's all just bollocks"
Murdoch's wife speaks of love for husband
Me love you long time Mr Lupert
Murdoch ends up with egg on face
No wait a minute, looks more like a custard pie
Alcohol best cure for dementia
Not for the patients, for the carers. A new study shows that drinking two bottles of vodka puts patients and carers on a level playing field.
News International offers new apology
We got caught, what a bummer!
Mystery surrounds fifteen lorries found at bottom of Beachy Head
In other news. TomTom apologize for "slight glitch" in their latest sat-nav software update
Unmarked Essex Police car involved in crash
This is not the same headline as yesterday; this is another police car crash.
Essex coast dredger uncovers WWII mine
Bomb disposal experts need to perform a controlled explosion on the two thousand pound device. Canvey Island chosen as it is the least lightly place to suffer damage
British Inelegance latest victim of budget cuts
A spokesman for MI three and a half said; "That's not funny"
BBC journalists stage one day strike
If that's true; who wrote the headline?
Schwarzenegger to make Hollywood return
Schwarzenegger said; "I told you I'll be back"
Mexico funds huge marijuana farm
I'm sorry, that headline should have read; Mexico finds huge marijuana farm
UK threat level raised
Lincolnshire arm of Al-Qaeda to take up home brewing
David Gilmour's son charged with student fees protest violence
When asked how he felt Mr Gilmour said; "Uncomfortably numb"
Queen to unveil Bletchley tribute
She will be there at 24 52 14 485 658 225 431 7719 6632 8574
Computer glitch wakes shuttle crew
Windows has been updated and will restart you computer in 5, 4, 3……………………
Met chief under pressure for hiring NoW man
Chief says; "He lied of his application form. He told us he was the editor of Aryan Supremacy Weekly, not the News of The World"
David v Goliath. Coming soon to Sky Box Office
David (clumsy) Cameron takes on Becky (the bullet dodger) Brooks in a fight to the death. A News International production. Book now.
Andy Murray to train with Met Police
He said he needs to improve his backhanders
America pulls funding from NASA
Analysts say, Everyone knows were in a recession, it's not exactly rocket science
New name for body armour
Just as May West gave her name to life preservers, bullet proof vests are to be called Rebekah Brooks
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