Showing snippets written by Gordon Clarke.
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The Doctor has prescribed suppositories for me. For all the good they will do, I may as well stick them up my ars*.
Giggs To Sue.
Ryan Giggs is sick and tired of people making allegations about his sex life. Enough is enough he says, "If I find out who the alligators are, I will sue them."
Boring Old Fart.
I'm not a boring old fart. I know who 50 cent is. He used to be half of Dollar in the eighties.
Male Chauvinist Pig.
There is only one thing worse than a male chauvinist pig and that's a woman who won't do as she is told.
I am going to write a book about sexism. Of course it will include pictures so that women can understand it.
24 Hour Takeaway.
A new 24 hour Chinese take away is to be opened in Sunderland.It will be called Wok Around The Clock.
Daring Raid On London Zoo.
In a daring raid on London Zoo,the Irish SAS have released all of the ostriches and shot four gorillas.
Toilet Attendant Retires After Thirty Years Service.
Ernest Trump has retired after 30 years as a toilet attendant.He blames anti social behaviour."Nowadays when somebody comes in for a shit it's like a breath of fresh air."
Man Has Pig's Ears Transplanted.
A man who lost both of his ears to a flesh eating bug has had them replaced with pig's ears.The operation has not been a success though.All he can hear is crackling.
Elbow To Record New Album.
They may have just released a new album but Elbow are already hard at work on their next venture.They are reworking songs from the musical "Grease."The album will be called Elbow Grease.
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