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Showing snippets written by Michael Balton.


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A public service announcement:

Keep your political system under control: make sure your politicians are spayed or neutered.

written by Michael Balton, 31 August 2016
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Rick Perry gets a reality show:

So You Think You Can Goose-Step

written by Michael Balton, 31 August 2016
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Tribute to Terry

The Mets are retiring Tterry Collins' blood pressure numbers,

written by Michael Balton, 14 August 2016
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Presidential Credentials

Donald Trump wants to build a wall around the Mets. He'd make the Wilpons pay for it.

written by Michael Balton, 30 July 2016
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Singularity

The revolution will be decided by AutoCorrect.

written by Michael Balton, 30 July 2016
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Trump

The sound shit makes when it hits the fan.

written by Michael Balton, 17 July 2016
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Coincidence or conspiracy?

The oceans are running out of fish. That's OK. Trader Joe's is running out of tartar sauce.

written by Michael Balton, 17 July 2016
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In the Navy!

The Pentagon is developing a sodium free ocean. It's called Lake Michigan

written by Michael Balton, 17 July 2016
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Fun in the sun

They say if you hold the ocean up to your ear you can hear yourself drowning.

written by Michael Balton, 17 July 2016
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Lynched

Hillary is having Bill fit with a black box recorder to avoid another inflight disaster.

written by Michael Balton, 03 July 2016
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Magnetic Distraction.

Hillary's giving refrigerator magnets to select supporters. Come in handy if you have to erase an email server quickly.

written by Michael Balton, 08 June 2016
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Hail Hillary

Let's all chip in and buy her a White House warming gift. I hear she needs a new email server.

written by Michael Balton, 08 June 2016
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Fashion Note

The New York Mets are giving up their camouflage uniforms. Every time they wear them, Terry Collins can't find the team.

written by Michael Balton, 08 August 2014
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Jokes of the Bible

Easter Bunny: I didn't make enough eggs this year.
Jesus: What do you want me to do about it?
Easter Bunny: How about a miracle or two?
Jesus: Silly rabbit, tricks are for kids.

written by Michael Balton, 20 April 2014
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New Webcast Series Announced:

Comedians On Crack, Getting More Crack

written by Michael Balton, 09 February 2014
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Heard in Hollywood™

Starlet #1: Do you dream in color?
Starlet #2: Yes. But I fart in IMAX 3-D.

written by Michael Balton, 18 January 2014
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A-Rod out of baseball for an entire season

Now they can stop needling him.

written by Michael Balton, 11 January 2014
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Chris Christie's favorite setting for political suicide

The upper-level.

written by Michael Balton, 09 January 2014
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EU Rules

You Brexit, you bought it.

written by Michael Balton, 09 January 2014
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He Should've Used the Tunnel

Chris Christie's favorite Christmas treat:
Toll house cookies

written by Michael Balton, 09 January 2014
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Go Finger

I'm all for texting, but my thumbs oppose.

written by Michael Balton, 06 January 2014
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When the music's over

First Jimi. Then Janis. Now Lou Reed. When does it end?

written by Michael Balton, 28 October 2013
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Get Well Soon

Republicans have traded in their tea for some chicken soup. As soon as they feel better, they are going to kick Ted Cruz down the road.

written by Michael Balton, 17 October 2013
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Circle the Clich├ęs, Boys

Congress is putting more boots on the ground to kick the can down the road.

written by Michael Balton, 17 October 2013
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