Showing snippets written by Matt Brown.

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Siri Admitted to Hospital

Siri was admitted to hospital last night and is today in critical condition. A man told it to just shutup, with Siri then asking 'U Wot M8'? The man lost his temper and then beat Siri almost to death.

written by Matt Brown, 15 April 2014

Look ma', no hands

A man died after trying to dry his hands using a windmill. He bought a crane, ascended to the blades, held his hands out and they were chopped off. It's the first windmill related death in history.

written by Matt Brown, 27 March 2014

Cricket Finishes

The days of running in straight lines over and over, standing around for ages doing nothing and panicking about the nearest nimbus' are over. Cricket has finished and it will never return, hallelujah.

written by Matt Brown, 24 January 2014

Man Eats Full Gateaux

A man from the town of 'Pity Me' has died today after eating an entire Double Deluxe Chocolate Gateaux. It's believed the man showed no prior warning signs. Friends said it was very out of character.

written by Matt Brown, 22 January 2014

Young woman has sex with ghost cow in a caravan

Wait, what? Yes you read that right. What is this world coming to eh?

The cow did not want to be named for obvious reasons and has since fled to Brazil, where he works in a mincing factory

written by Matt Brown, 07 January 2014
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