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Blake and Pete in clear over Amy slaying
Pete Docherty and Blake Fielder Civil were today cleared of any involvment in the Amy Winhouse' OD fiasco. A prison spokesman said:
"were almost sure they were tucked up night nights at the time"
Winehouse death causes North London crash
Crime falls in North London, employment up:
The Amy Winehouse tragedy has caused many drug dealers in Cambden to find work. Asiv said "with Amy dead, theres just no market anymore..."
Gaddafi Calls For Supporters To Take To Streets
Colenel Gaddafi today asked for staunch supporters to take to the streets in protest of the current troubles. He didnt state whether he intended to shoot these ones or not.
Obama and Palin To Marry
The world was dumfounded today as President Obama took Sarah Palin as his new bride. Pharoah said:
"This is a time for change. Now I am both Pharoah and President, I can do as i please. Yes i can."
Posh Spice Pregnant!
" I cant wait to lose some weight, and get back into figure. I may even let somebody have the privilage of carrying the baby for me. For a price, of course"
Victorias dog refused to comment.
Rasta Mouse Leaks Details On Twitter
Rasta Mouse was today accused of leaking sensitive information on twitter about troubles in Egypt. Rasta Mouse said:
"A'Bandu bloodclot gimme bloodfire. Ya' informa a'jester jah know"
Barack Confirms Egyptian Power Bid
The President said today via video-link:
Today I can confirm, that as well as being Commander in Chief of our great nation, I will also be the acting Pharoah of Egypt
Things Go From Bad To Worse
The british government today confirmed that things have gone from bad to worse. Not better or worse. Or they would have said "things arnt as bad as you think". But they didnt think of it. In time.
Gordon Brown Asked Again:
Gordon Brown was today again asked what his biggest regret was after his time in power. He replied:
"HA ha ha ha ha f##k you. Are ye still on about that?"
Tony Blair refused to comment yesterday
Andy Gray In Toilet Outrage
Andy Gray today tied to defend his comments by saying:
"She left massive tred marks in the bog!"
Nobody at sky would comment on what he was doing in the ladies lav yesterday
Secrets of Man v Woman Revealed
Women yesterday admitted to not understanding men in any kind of format whatsoever. Jack Savage, Spokesman for men said:
"Sorry what was that? Who gives a f**k, whats the score?" (Braarp)
Labour Deny New Sexist Aleggations
Labour today denied that there is to be no new fanny drafted into the new labour HQ. A spokesman said:
"we got no promise of new fanny, but we couldnt give a f~~k"
Tony Blair refused to comment.
More Treachery From Labour Legacy
Gordon Brown today admitted to not giving a f**k about the country. "As far as im concerned, you can all go and f**k yorselves!" Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
End of Imaginary Sponsership
Imaginary funding for the well publicised imaginary kingdom have been finalised today. Experts expect an imaginary resolution shortly. Imaginary currency has been ruled out in any possible deal.
Dodgy English Deal Spells end for UK Carier bag Industry
English bag firm HNKL have confirmed thier Tasco funding, and are waiting for the consumer to forget about global warming.
"bags are a form of food..just look at dog pooh"
RICKY GERVAIS VISA REVOKED
Outrageous comeadian Ricky Gervais had his visa revoked today.President Obama has denied he gave the order but added that Gervais was "Nothing but a big fat wanker"
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