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Jamie Oliver's 30 second cookbook
Jamie Oliver is not to release his 30 second cookbook as reported earlier in the news story, he is in fact releasing his 32nd cookbook. Apologies MTL
Dyslexic poets protested today in front of the Buckingham Palace about government cuts in support services.
"We are not going to Kate it any Rome" said spokesman, "its a cuffing joke"
Oompah Loompahs are revolting
Willy Wonka's chocolate factory has closed due to industrial action by Oompah Loompahs. "No more short shifts", said Union leader Shortie Pantz
Zsa Zsa Gabors leg
Instead of Ricky Gervais hosting the Oscars, the American Screen Writers Guild have hired Zsa Zsa Gabors leg to mc the awards ceremony.
Ferdinand Euro, 63 from Sardinia fell down a flight of stairs today. Newswires misinterpreted the story and led to wild currency swings
Wonderbra were revealed today as the new 2011 sponsors of Premier league referees and assistants. Andy Gray was not available for comment on or off microphone
Google launches competitor to Facebook
Well known for turning the industry on its head, Google revealed plans to launch a competitor to Facebook called ArseBook
Celebrity Tweet: David Beckham (5)
Help....chili sauce or garlic sauce...chili or garlic...garlic or chili...chili or garlic..omg....such choice....chili or garlic....
Oscar for Kings Speech
Asked to comment on receiving the best actor award for "the Kings Speech" Colin Firth was speechless
Easyjet to reduce luggage allowance
In the wake of the 7kg TNT Moscow airport bombing, Easyjet has decided to reduce its allowed luggage to 6Kg or less
Monday Smith, swimwear model and false teeth wearer definitely does, says Saracens rugby team 1st and 2nd 15
John (2 Eye-Bags) Prescott revealed today that he will be joining the next series of 'Biggest Loser'.
Wenger buys Scunthorpe
Arsenals plans to buy Scunthorpe stopped when new name of team revealed using first 4 letters of Arsenal and 2nd to 5th letters of Scunthorpe..."Eez zis a problem?" said Wenger
Celebrity Tweet: David Beckham (5)
Am trying to stop Brooklyn using my iPhone but I can't see the keyhole to in the key to lock the keyboard..help
George Clooney in court
William O'Shun, Irish bank robber is suing George Clooney for plagiarism. William has 13 children and his family is referred to as O'Shuns 13 (or the 13 O'Shuns)
Celebrity Tweet: Victoria Beckham (4)
Just gave Harry Redknapp 3 mill to sign Pienar, so David doesn't have to get hurt playing for Spurs. The things a doting wife does for her man.
Celebrity Tweet: David Beckham (4)
Spurs have just signed a new midfielder now I'm never going to get a game. I'll just sit here and scratch my Goldenballs instead.
Jordan takes new job at Bank of England
Model and celebrity Jordan is to join the Bank of England Monetary Policy Committee. George (Ozzy) Osbourne asked her to join to use her skills of getting things up to lift the value of the pound.
Algerians pray for rain
The Algerian government has hired 170 aborigines to perform 24 hour rain dances hoping to dampen the opportunity for Tunisian style immolation protests
Mubarak offers free firelighters and matches to Opposition
H. Mubarek President of Egypt for 174 years has been offering free firelighters and matches to opposition politicians in a gesture of generosity not matched since Bill Clinton's pole dance club visit.
Egyptians fear Tunisian influence spreading
Sales of firelighters and matches reached an all time high in Egypt prompting concerns over Tunisian style copycat immolaters on the streets of Cairo. Mubarek has been President of Egypt 174 years
Keep calm in Tunisia
Valium manufacturer Roche called for everyone to keep calm in Tunisia. "Take 2 yellows or 1 white tablet twice per day" said marketing manager, Bill Profitt, and short Roche stock
Vampires to go on strike
Vampire actors staring in Hollywood films are striking for more pay and bigger roles. "We just want our day in the sun" said strike leader Michael Howard, ex leader of Conservative Party
Giant French Cock (II)
After installing a giant blue French cock in Trafalgar Square, Boris Johnslob, Mayor, is after suggestions for future exhibits. Poland has offered a large Polish sausage, we await the German response.
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