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Bieber denies he was Justin Selena
US to welcome ex-dictators
Reports say that the USA is reopening Guantánamo Bay to keep all the ex-Arab dictators safe.
Egypt rich escape
It has been confirmed today that the Israelis have opened the Gaza tunnels, in order to let through fleeing Egyptian businessmen.
Mubarak's son enters British politics
Rumor has it that Gamal Mubarak, Son of dictator Hosni Mubarak and former heir apparent, who fled to London recently, has now been offered a job in the Conservative cabinet
Venus Williams exposes herself again
Controversy has broken out at the Australian Open over whether Venus Williams is wearing a mini-skirt or a veil.
Zsa Zsa Gabor pronounced fit to play this season
The donation of a leg by Jonny Wilkinson means Zsa Zsa Gabor will now kick for England in this year's 6 Nations Cup.Her experience at fly half and speed in a wheelchair will also provide a great boost
Chinese Stealth Fighter brought down
The new Chinese stealth fighter has crashed after a collision with Puff the Magic Dragon. Puff's home of Honah Lee is thought to be off the coast of Taiwan, of which he is a staunch supporter.
Bomb squad trying to diffuse Italian man
Italian man who sneezed bullet from nose now suspected terrorist.Docs find grenade in throat, acid-gun in eyes and live mortars in bowels. Desperate efforts underway to stop him coughing or farting.
Goat-headed China man further sign of Apocalypse
As fears of Armageddon rise, the 2nd Messiah and Voice of God Ted Williams has been sent to China to fight the China man man with a horn in his head, who may be the Anti-Christ
Queen puts on Doc Martins about Kate's brand name
Queen says that Beefeaters stormed M&S and ransacked C&A today as a first warning that she will kick the shit out of any shops selling Middleton brand
Fish, birds, Armageddon? Has our Savior returned?
As the escalating fish and bird deaths brings fears of the Apocalypse, could the sudden appearance of Ted Williams be the Second Coming of Christ?
Vatican solves bird death mystery
Pope says God is behind the Big Bang that killed the birds
Love and Death threats for Justin and Selena
Selena Gomez denies taking Justin Bieber's virginity on their St Lucia love holiday. Says the pics just showed her teaching him how to shave and the other was her praying and not doing cough and drop.
Pasedena Rose Bowl win for Alex Ferguson
Manchester United won the annual Pasadena Rose Bowl Parade 3-1. Will now face AC Milan in World Spelling Championships
Charlie Sheen almost drowned
Charlie Sheen beat Bob the Sponge in a New Year's Eve drinking competition
Aussies angry at Noah
Noah blamed for Aussie flood crisis. "Too little too late" Noah replied "my ark is 4000 yrs old it ain't built for this, it needs investment and a new crew"
UN health agency investigates Hefner
The Hefner mansion is now thought to be the source of the Haiti cholera epidemic, as well as an outbreak of Ebola in Chad.
Galaxy may sell Beckham for North Korea's GDP
North Korea shows "Bend it like Beckham" Rumors of his transfer to the Pyongyang Proletarians continue. Kim Jong Un renames the Female Peasants' Collective 46A as "Spice Girls" in honor of Victoria.
Spotlight shifts from Disney girls
The recent Disney girls' scandals have been trumped with the news that Hello Kitty is pregnant
Lady Gaga makes pre-op resolution
Lady Gaga says her New Year resolution is to fight the bulge or have the operation
K.Middleton statue being sculptured after Tussaud's wax figure
A new K. Middleton statue will have a retro-soviet touch.It will include gold wings,clenched-fist,and a bare bosom over a boiler suit. A Royal decree has ordered replicas to be erected across the land
Sex and marriage study
The Irish Independent reports that a US study shows that people who have sex after marriage are happier. So what's new? Anyone who's divorced can tell you that.
Walmart to clean up image
Walmart is to clean up its sexist and racist image in the new year. A spokesperson says it will try to recruit more black bitches.
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