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Wikileaks Reveals Photos of Justin Beiber's Naked Forehead
Photos reveal that Bieber's bangs have been hiding the face of Voldemort.
At Navajo Council Meeting, Kanye West Grabs Talking Stick
West then shouted that Beyonce should be the one chosen to receive the prized necklace of wolves' teeth.
Apple Introduces Four New Video Devices
Today, CEO Steve Jobs introduced the Iped, Ipud, Ipidl, and Ichildpornography.
Garrison Keillor to Write Erotic Novel
Mr. Keillor says, "My book will be like chicken soup for the penis."
Obama Collides with a Large Hadron
President requires stitches after mishap during tour of CERN facility.
Iranian Wildfowl Leader Denies Existence of Thanksgiving
President I'm-A-Dinner-Jad says, "It's just an excuse for American turkeys to appropriate the name of a great Islamic nation."
Watchmen's Rorschach Loses Facebook Account
The reason given was "Lack of Face".
Bill Gates Wins Lucrative "Richest American" Award
Forbes Magazine's "Richest American" Award, once again goes to Microsoft founder William Gates III. As is tradition, he will be presented with a gold medal, a diploma, and a $100 million prize.
Donald Trump's Castleboat Capsizes Again
KEY WEST, Florida - "Anyone can own a houseboat," says billionaire Donald Trump. "I'm not just anyone. I own a castleboat. In fact, a replica of Bavaria's famed Neuschwanstein Castle, as a boat."
Myers-Briggs Test Confirms that Local Man is an Asshole
"The Myers-Briggs is based on a theoretical model of personality that has not been scientifically validated, so we should take their conclusions with a grain of salt," said the asshole.
eHarmony.com Matches Masturbator with Self
"I don't know how the technology works, but eHarmony really understands me," says masturbator.
Bush Claims Iran Has Biological WMD Made From Poisonous Fungus
The former president recommended quick action against Iran, saying, "We cannot wait for the final proof, the smoking gun. It could come in the form of a mushroom."
Dick Cheney to join Bush on book tour
Former president George Bush will be personally signing copies of his memoir, "Decision Points". Former VP Dick Cheney will be personally crossing out the passages that threaten national security.
Every Object In Hollywood to Get Silicone Implants
Fearing a future of 3D movies and tv shows, every prop, costume, set, and background in Hollywood thinks it needs its surface depth surgically enhanced if it wants to keep working.
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