Showing snippets written by Inhopeless.
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Election Attack Ads Getting Out of Hand
WASHINGTON DC - As the Republicans launch their attack ads, the sane populace has noticed that calling Obama 'devil Communist-Fascist' is not a good impression. "It only works on the stupid, ie. GOP."
Britney Spears More of A National Threat than Communists
WASHINGTON, D.C. - The Shuttleworth Institute has found out that popstars are more of a threat to security of the US than the Communist party. "There are more popstars than actual Commies!" It says.
"I'm Against Corporate America" says Hipster Walking Into Best Buy
AUSTIN, TX - [more as it comes in, but won't because no-one gives a damn about smelly hipsters]
Latest Twitter Released from Donald Trump
NEW YORK - Donald Trump has tweeted: "Not running for prez becoz am about to run into angry Triad members who I owe money 2. Laters Twittersphere."
Life Found to Be No.1 Sexually Transmitted Disease
NEW YORK - The United Nations Organisation has found out that life is a contagious STD, with over 6.9bn cases worldwide. They say that Life, a Class-A disease, has a 100% mortality rate.
"NATO Cannot Reach Me" says Gadhaffi As Tanks Bear Down on His Compound
176 AL-MULLAH WAY, TRIPOLI - [more as it comes in]
'No to AV' Campaign Cost £251mn
LONDON - Figures obtained by Inhopeless Media Group yesterday showed that the No to AV [Alternative Vote] camp had spent £250,763,981.99 in total on their campaign run.
Yes to AV States Bin-Laden Wanted to Say No
LONDON - The Yes to AV camp have claimed that in an unreleased video, Bin-Laden has stated that he wouldn't vote for AV if he was British because 'it stops my infidels in thier tracks'.
Obama Explains Why It Took So Long to Release Birth Certificate
WASHINGTON DC - Obama said that he was sorry he couldn't release his birth certificate. "Sorry I couldn't. I was too busy planning to kill Bin-Laden. A little trivial waste that nine months, I know."
Twiiter Uncool, as Local Dad Has It
CHICAGO - Bob Smith, 56, joined Twitter this morning. After posting stupid stuff and wierd messages on everyone's pages, the entire Twiitersphere then deactivated accounts and moved to BlogSpot.com
Liberals to Republicans: "Go back to elementary school"
WASHINGTON, D.C. - After calling Obama a 'Communist' and 'Hitler' in the same breath, the entire GOP have been forced to go back to elementary school in order to learn the English language again.
Obama Presses Trump to Release Certificate Proving He's Not a Giant Pile of Rotting Shit
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Trump has been called to prove he isn't a 'waste of space'. "The American people," said Obama, "have a right to know that thier so-called GOP candidate is not a huge asswipe."
Poor Grammar In Sign Gets Man Riled Up
BIRMINGHAM - Local man says that the Subway ad about 'Do the Math' is wrong. "It's do the mathS!" He complains about PCWorld too. "CDs and DVDs and TVs! Not "CD's"! Implies the store owned by Mr. CD."
Having Sex is the Number One Cause of Getting Laid, Says Scientists
NEW YORK - [more as in comes in]
This is a Snippet
LOCATION - This is the text of the body of the snippet. Fuck yeah.
Like, Voted, Like, Most Said, Like Word, Like, by, Like, Celebs
NEW YORK - 'Like' has been voted the 'Most Spoken Word by Celebs' by G-G-G-Gossip! Magazine.
Second place was 'uhhh...', while third place was 'OH-MY-GOD!'
What Would Happen In a U.S. Government Shutdown?
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Well,there are only two requirements of the FEDERAL government: Protect the borders and deliver the mail.
Man Eating Food Freaked Out by Spoofer Writing About Him
BIRMINGHAM - Todd Cotillard, 25, was freaked 'the shit out of' by Inhopeless, a spoofer, when Inhopeless wrote a spoof snippet about him. After an impromptu fight, Todd is now in Selly Oak Hospital.
World to Forget About Libya, Moves Onto New Fad
EARTHIC TERRITORIES - The human race turned its eyes from Libya to some cool guy dancing. When asked 'what is Libya?', 80% said 'a TV show'. Tsk, tsk, tsk, human race.
Ribbon-Making Industry Hampered by Red Tape
LONDON - [more as it come in]
Secondary School Model of Rome Built In Day
BIRMINGHAM - [more soon as it comes in]
Dude Okay With It
LONDON - After much deliberation, resident Todd Roberts was totally fine with that thing. "It's cool bro, it's fine," he said to assorted members of the press about some 'shit that happened' earlier.
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