Showing snippets written by Juvenal Delinquent.
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Spoof Writers Surprisingly Mum on Osama Assassination
Guess they all figured someone else would write about it.
Osama bin Laden Killed by U.S. Forces
Reapers demand to see long-form death certificate.
Satan is Dead!
Christians baffled that evil still exists in the world.
'Birthers' Rethink Strategy After Minor Setback
Start by officially changing their name to 'afterbirthers'.
Newt Gingrich Fears 'Athiest America'
Because if he wins the next presidential election it'll certainly prove that God does not exist.
U.S. Military Apologizes for Horrific Afghan Photos
Promises to only kill innocent civilians using air strikes and drones, so as not to further tarnish their carefully orchestrated image as 'Liberators'.
Sammy Hagar Claims He Was Abducted By Aliens
Says the implant they put in his body was found to be made of 'Heavy Metal'.
Ann Coulter Says 'Radiation Good For You'
Proving once again why no one in their right mind would touch her with a ten foot pole.
Rush Limbaugh Says Media Exaggerating Japan Disaster
Agrees to shove Fukushima's core reactor up his fat ass to prove it.
The Supreme Being Exercises His Right to Free Speech After Supreme Court Ruling
The Supreme Court rules that the Westboro Baptist Church has a right to say, "God hates fags." God rules that He has the right to say, "I hate the Westboro Baptist Church."
Lady Gaga Wins Grammy for 'Best Madonna Impersonation'
Lady Gaga thanked the older popstar for inspiration, and stated that the egg she hatched from was symbolic of the successful cloning procedure. She also won Best Pop Vocal Album for The Fame Whore.
Craigslist Congressman says photo was actually meant for P90X ad
"I don't know how photos got mixed up, except to say that I guess the 'muscle confusion' part applied to my mental state as well", he was quoted as saying.
Berlusconi to host 'The Burlesqueconi Show'
Mired in another sex scandal, Silvio Berlusconi tries to improve his image with a new variety show a'la Jack Benny. He'll tell jokes, play the upright bass, and do the bunga bunga with guests.
Producers of Two and a Half Men contemplating name change
Proposed titles have been narrowed down to:
* Two and a Half Stints in Rehab
* Two and a Half Strikes
* One and a Half Men
Announcement to be made soon...
Marvin K. Mubarak Will You Please Go Now!
Egyptians take their inspiration from Dr. Seuss and chant: "The time has come. The time is now. Just go. Go. GO! We don't care how."
Blake Lively tops AskMen's 'Most Desirable' list
Changes surname to Lovely.
Jesus sees his shadow
Signaling six more weeks until the apocalypse.
Egyptologists debate Mubarak's pharaonic nickname
Invoking Egypt's dynastic past, the names have been narrowed down to: King Mubarakhenaten, Heavehotep, Snafu, Fubar, Da-Nile, and Kaput. Polling will take place soon to determine the winner.
Mubarak pleads for just a little more time playing dictator
Citing his enjoyment at playing king of the sandbox, President Mubarak asks the Egyptian people if he can stay up and play for just a few more hours. He then promises to take his toys and go home.
Shangheist! China censors Internet
The Chinese government has blocked social networking sites and search engines from pulling up anything about the Egyptian uprising, lest their people get any kung funny ideas.
SAG Awards illustrate superficiality of Egyptian uprising
As Egyptians pass the time protesting over trifles like democracy and human rights, The United States is busy doing the important work of honoring the acting talent of the rich and famous.
Two and a Half Men suffers Hiatus hernia
The sitcom shutdown production today in what's jokingly being called, "a hiatal hiatus." No word on whether or not Charlie Sheen suffered another hernia from the pun.
Charlie Sheen hospitalized for 'Hyena' hernia
A rare form of Hiatal hernia caused by laughing too hard. LOL... oh shit...
Kim Kardashian has 6 million Twits following her
Proving once again that Jesus died in vain.
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