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Obama to put 50,000 boots on the ground to combat 26 US State Governors

President Barack Hussein Obama announced today that he has authorized 25,000 troops to be deployed to 26 of the United States to enforce his decision to allow Syrian refugees to infiltrate the USA.

written by Moose, 17 November 2015

Jerry Bruckheimer Arrested After Shooting Pilot

Jerome Leon ("Jerry") Bruckheimer was arrested today after the FBI discovered that he had shot a pilot.

written by Moose, 17 November 2015

Obama Vows to 'Redouble' Islamic State Fight After Paris

Opening two days of talks with world leaders in Turkey, Obama pledged to send an additional 50 troops to Syria, bringing the total US force to 100.

written by Moose, 15 November 2015

HUD proposes masturbation ban in public housing, citing dangers of warts

In an effort to reduce warts, the federal government is seeking to ban masturbation in all of the nation's 13.2 million public housing units.

written by Moose, 12 November 2015

Golfers To March Across America, Demanding Free Greens Fees

Golfers were set to walk off golf courses across the United States today to protest ballooning greens fees and rally for free golf balls.

written by Moose, 12 November 2015

Ben Carson Claimed He Masturbated as a Boy, But Can't Prove It

Dr. Ben Carson says he was prone to masturbating during his youth until he had a religious experience in the bathroom of his Detroit home.

written by Moose, 08 November 2015

Obama Rejects Keystone XL, Then Issues Executive Order Mandating Keystone XXXL, Citing Political Climate Change

Immediately following the rejection of the Keystone XL pipeline, Obama issued an executive order, mandating the construction of the Keystone XXXL pipeline, citing recent political climate change.

written by Moose, 07 November 2015

Obama Faces Tough Battle In House To Pass KFC

President Obama now faces probably his toughest dining-room challenge since passage of mashed potatoes in 2009 - persuading Malia and/or Michelle to pass the fried chicken (KFC).

written by Moose, 06 November 2015

Obama Issues Executive Order, Renaming Political Parties

The Democratic party shall be referred to as "The Supreme Democratic Party", while the Republican party shall be called "The Repuglican Order of Christian Taliban Douche-bags".

written by Moose, 05 November 2015

Obama Issues Executive Order Mandating That Ex-Cons Be Hired For All Federal Jobs

President Obama announced today that a new Executive Order has been issued, requiring that former convicts be hired for all federal government jobs.

written by Moose, 02 November 2015

Hurricane Patricia Disappoints Cable News Networks

NOA forecasters say Hurricane Patricia has crossed into Mexico and has caused little damage, dashing the hopes of cable news networks.

written by Moose, 25 October 2015

EPA Formally Declares Humans are Danger to Environment

The United States EPA announced today that humans threaten public health and the environment.

written by Moose, 20 October 2015

After Four Years of Failure, Obama Looks to Russia, North Korea and Iran for Help

When President Obama spoke at the United Nations Monday, he begged for cooperation with North Korea, Iran and Russia in an effort to end the Syrian civil war that has left the Middle East in ruin.

written by Moose, 28 September 2015

New Study Suggests Climate Change Causing Liberals and Conservatives to Evolve Differently

There has long been suspicion that liberals and conservatives are two distinct species, but this latest study seems to confirm that.

written by Moose, 26 September 2015

Hillary slams Clinton for Originating the "Obama Is A Muslim" Rumor

2015 Hillary Clinton blasted 2008 Hillary Clinton this afternoon for originating the rumor that President Obama is a Muslim.

written by Moose, 21 September 2015

Hillary Clinton sparks outrage by claiming no Republican should be President

Hilary Clinton says the United States should not elect a Republican president, sparking outrage in the Republican party.

written by Moose, 21 September 2015

Donald Trump urges focus on angry white men in Congressional White Caucus speech

Donald Trump pressed for a greater focus on helping angry white men who are more likely to be stuck in minimum wage jobs, have higher rates of illness and face higher rates of incarceration.

written by Moose, 20 September 2015

Obama Issues Exexutive Order To Make Americans Get Exactly What They Deserve

President Obama unveiled a plan to make federal agencies deliver services that Americans may not want or desire.

written by Moose, 15 September 2015

Baltimore Mayor Announces Presidential Run

Baltimore Mayor, Democrat Stephanie Rawlings-Blake, will not seek re-election in 2016, but she announced that she will be seeking the office of President of the United States.

written by Moose, 11 September 2015

Democrats finally have enough Senate votes to stifle Americans

Three Democrat senators announced today that they will vote in support of the nuclear deal with Iran. In a new CNN poll, 56% of Americans now say they think Congress should reject the deal.

written by Moose, 08 September 2015

Donald Trump fails to sign pledge not to run for King in 2016

Republican presidential hopeful, Donald Trump, announced Today that he has not signed a pledge not to run for King.

written by Moose, 03 September 2015

Donald Trump to Appear on America's Got Talent

Republican presidential candidate, Donald Trump announced today that he will appear on NBC's 'America's Got Talent' in the upcoming fall season.

written by Moose, 01 September 2015

Blue Balls Creamey Introduces Second New Ice Cream Flavor

Blue Balls Creamery has released the name of the second flavor to be released when the ice cream goes back on store shelves: Mysteria.

written by Moose, 26 August 2015

Apple to Introduce Slew of Wearable Technology Products Next Year

Apple Inc. CEO, Tim Cook, announced today that they would introduce several new wearable technology products in Spring of 2016.

written by Moose, 20 June 2015
Showing page 1 (of 9 pages)

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