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Meg Whitman Calls Jerry Brown a Gigolo
Jerry Brown, called his opponent, Meg Whitman a "F*cking Whore".
In response, Meg Whitman countered that Jerry Brown was "a God-Damned C*cksucking Gigolo".
C-SPAN to Launch Two Comedy Networks - C-SPIN and C-SPUN
WASHINGTON, DC - Landel Hobbs, Chairman of C-SPAN, announced today that the company would be launching two comedy channels, C-SPIN and C-SPUN.
Elmo Caught Upskirting Katy Perry on Sesame Street
HOLLYWOOD, CA - After the Katy Perry video was pulled from Sesame St., it was discovered that Elmo had secretly upskirted Katy with his cell-phone during the taping and uploaded the video to YouToob.
Democrats Throw Barney Frank Under the Anti-Gay Bus
In an effort to regain traction in the upcoming midterm elections, Congressional Democrats threw Congressman Barney Frank under the Anti-Gay Bus, driven by Republican Senator Saxby Chambliss.
Wienerschnitzel Pays College Men for Ad Space on Crotches
Owner of Wienerschnitzel John Galardi announced today that the fast-food company will begin paying college students $1,000 each to wear Speedos with slogans emblazoned across the crotch.
F**king War of Words Breaks Out in God-Damned White House
A new book by legendary Washington Post reporter Bob Woodward paints Richard Holbrooke as "the most egotistical bastard I've ever met.", according to Vice President Joe Biden.
Devil Rejects Ted Kennedy's Soul
HADES, HL - Lucifer held a press conference Tuesday afternoon to announce his decision regarding Ted Kennedy's application for residence.
TEAT Party Activists Announce Whack-A-Thon
Barney Frank, Chairman of the newly formed TEAT-Party announced today that his organization is planning a 24-hour circle-jerk to protest the success of the TEA Party movement.
Jimmy Carter Calls Bill Clinton a "Pussy"
Former President Jimmy Carter isn't letting the truth stand in the way of his assessment of his life. "I am superior to other presidents," Mr. Carter said in an interview with CNBC News.
Charlie Rangle, John Conyers, Maxine Waters and Jesse Jackson, Jr. Introduce Tax-Relief Legislation
Charlie Rangle, John Conyers, Maxine Waters and Jesse Jackson Jr. introduced legislation to abolish sales tax on certain items, labeling the taxes "racist", "regressive" and "intolerant".
Al Gore Acquires Klingon Weapon Technology
NASHVILLE, TN - Al Gore has acquired Klingon Disruptor technology that he plans to use in his fight against global-warming" skeptics.
ABC News Makes Drastic Cuts - Will Anyone Notice?
NEW YORK, NY - Before ABC News President David Westin officially stepped down, he announced that they are laying off the entire staff and will replace them with CGI-animations and images.
Pontiff Admits Using Rope-A-Pope to Foil Would-be Assassins
LONDON, UK - Anti-terrorism police arrested six men on Friday on suspicion of preparing an attack on the Pope.
Democrats Announce TEAT-Party Movement
BOSTON, MA - Congressman Barney Frank held a press conference today to announce the formation of a new political movement - The Entitlement And Tyranny Party, or TEAT-Party.
NYT/CBS Poll: WSJ, and NBC Suck!
The NYT and CBS just released a joint poll which finds that NYT readers and CBS viewers think that "The WSJ and NBC suck it".
'Global Warming' Out, 'Total Environment Annihilation' In...
From the administration that brought you "military intelligence", "government help" and "overseas contingency operation", another terminology change is in the works.
Wisconsin Candidate: "I Am the White Man's Bitch"
MADISON, WI - Ieshuh Griffin is running for State Assembly in Wisconsin, and she wants voters to know she is "NOT the white man's bitch".
SHOCK: 24 Million Democrats Found Dead!
Regardless of how lively the midterm elections might be, a new study shows that more than 23.7 million Democrat voters on current voter registration rolls across the country are dead.
President Obama To Tap Consumer Counsel
WASHINGTON, DC - President Barack Obama this week will tap Harvard Law professor Elizabeth Warren. When the First Lady heard about it, she went through the White House roof.
Police: Naked Woman Steals Taxi
Police in Liverpool say a woman disrobed in the back seat of a taxi and demanded that the driver "take her home". When the driver failed to understand what she wanted, she stole his cab.
Senate clears way for Obama's small 'package'
WASHINGTON, DC - The Senate on Tuesday advanced Obama's 'package' for small business but failed to relieve millions of companies from the fear of being 'f*cked in the ass' by the federal government.
Lady Gaga Gets 'Deli Order' Tweet From Senate Leader Harry Reid
In addition to setting the fashion world on fire with her meat dress , Lady Gaga also got some serious deli business done.
Obama tells students 'sorry, you missed the boat'
President Obama delivered his back to school speech at Philadelphia's Masterman School today, telling students their future is full of endless disappointment.
SHOCK! Pretty Female Reporter In Football Locker Room Gets Ogled!
RUTHERFORD, NJ - The sporting world was shocked when it learned that men in the Jets' locker room were behaving like men in a locker room.
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