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"Don't call me Dick!"
According to reaserchers pressures made Richard III 'Hit The Booze',"to right, he also enjoyed the odd 'spliff', deep fried Mars Bars and Breaking Bad! Mind you, he was total shit a parallel parking!"
A national sperm bank is to be set up to meet increasing demand and a UK-wide shortage......Wankers-R-Us.
Four more perverts discovered in Venessa's pants........."no wonder I have felt so uncomfortable all these years!"
Man up punk!
Bill & Ben arrested by Operation Yewtree following bullying complaints from 'Little Weed'
......."balls to you to fella!"
"Come on Andy Murray, bite the bastard!"
...Jim will crucifix it!
Jimmy Savile exposed as clandestine Catholic Priest!
.........."you want chips with that Senor?"
Hollywood moguls wooing Suarez to star in The Hunger Games:4
Ease up on the KY
Jogger found dead after 'sliding' off Cliff, "I had assumed she was over 16" croaked and elderly Mr Richard.
Every little firearm helps!
ISIS may have recruited 1,500 Britains'....good hours, casual easy-clean uniforms, free meals, long holidays in the sun and the chicks are free.....beats Tesco!
Makin' da offer capisce.
Pope denounces 'evil' crime syndicate......disbands Catholic church!
Balls to this!
Hodgson to keep job as England manager until Bruce Forsyth becomes available, lets face it his footwork is legendary.
Supermarket chain Morrison is to cut up to 2,600 jobs following a 7.1% slump in sales...Capitalism at it's finest.....expect the rest of the overpriced greedy bastards to follow suit!!
McDonald's to recruit 8,000 young staff. "12 Years A Slave":The Sequel!"
Sniffer dogs my arse!
BREAKING NEWS: Parliament evacuated due to a 'suspicious' package...later confirmed as one of Ed Milibands soiled nappies!
I put a spell on you.
Asda's England flag looks like a KKK costume....Tesco retaliate with BOGOF deal on fiery crosses, Sainsburys offer carrier bags with eye holes and the Co-Op merely closes early!
Hodgson names England team.
.........books day trip to Brazil!
Gerry Adams 'Questioned For 17 Hours A Day'
.......tells reporters, "I'm feckin' determined to win this years Mastermind with my specialist subject, 'The IRA's Greatest Hits'!"
A right royal carry-on!
When asked what she thought of Ulura a rather bored and hearing impaired Kate replied: "I see heir's cock quite enough at home thank you very much!"
Roll up, roll up, get your Savile claim in and 'win' £60,000.....chancers of the world unite!
Gerry and The Pacemakers cancel proposed South Korean tour out of respect.
Shake it all about!
Nick Clegg and Vince Cable consider BBC 'Strictly' compare offer.
It's a steal
Furniture Company DFS Flash sale; free cat inside every sofa.
......strewth, the truth is out there!!
Apparently Scientists have recreated Mars in Herefordshire at a cost of £1.2bn.........surely it would have been cheaper to go to Norfolk if looking for aliens?
Schwarzenegger To Play Ageing Terminator
........thus reprising that classic line..."Ow! My back!"
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