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Dave no longer the favourite boys name!
"You can call me........Mo"
Geldof's Band Aid 30 'millionaires' obviously don't know that donations from each of them might improve the problem at hand!
Tune in, tune out.
Son kills 25stone Dad then uses the body as TV stand....Doubtless had trouble finding a stand to accomodate his 50 inch Plasma....tip of the day or what?
"Over the top!"
Tesco blows entire years profits on clapped-out B Bumble & the Stingers classic Nut Rocker themed light show.
"Whaddya think of it so far?"
"Stevanage we have a problem!"
UK to build new probe after the success of Philae...tentatively called Phallic it will carry huge headlights in readiniss for when it lands on Kim Kardashians arse and begins probing!
"Hey bud, you want ketchup wid dat?"
Aptly named rapper Big Paybacc shot dead in LA McDonalds...obviously he did not order a Happy Meal then?
Leaders react to plan for Election debate.
Little Ed Milipeed has shite himself..again.
Clegghorn-Foghorn has booked three weeks in the Sychelles.
Do-nothing-Dave has placed an order with Pampers.
Nasty Nigel ordered 24 crates of real ale!
The writing is on the wall
Cave art dating back 40,000 million years discovered......'Dave is a wanker!'
One Night in Bagdad.
Andrew Lloyd Webbers new musical 'Bagdad Exodus' opening soon.."A blast"..Guardian...."I was blown away"...D Mirror..."Left me shell shocked"...D Mail..."Heavenly"...The Sun..."My 48DD hell"...D Sport
New Tesco CEO Dave 'alright Rodney' Lewis announces new Tesco in-store Panto 'Feet On The Floor' wherein 4,000 useless HQ & Corporate staff will work on shop floors to boost morale....every Lidl helps
A voice in the wilderness.
Oh dear, are they about to get their hooks into the 'Peter Pan' of pop I wonder?
German supermarket chain Aldi report massive ongoing profits.....multiple gunshots heard at Tesco HQ.
Brother wherefore art thou ?
George Clooney ties the knot in Venice......leaves suicide note.
Every rip-off helps.
Tesco Suspends Bosses Over £250m Profit Error.......after years of fiddling the public with inflated prices they are now fiddling themselves!
'ello 'ello, anyone there?
Phones4U have finally hung up.
"Make my day punk!"
Dirty Harry strikes again, Kate up the duff with Damien 2.
"'Ello, 'Ello I'm Johnny Cash"
Dyslexic Home Office Minister sends copy of Ring of Fire to Calais by mistake.
Joan Rivers is dead...
....again! Her agent is negotiating a cameo role in The Walking Dead.
Chain, Chain, Chains!
Operation Yewtree officers investigating discovery of three old ladies found locked in the lavatory in Yeovil circa 1937!
25 Things you probably didn't know about Dickie Attenborough
1."He is no more", "has ceased to be", "bereft of life, he rests in peace"..............more, much later.
"Don't call me Dick!"
According to reaserchers pressures made Richard III 'Hit The Booze',"to right, he also enjoyed the odd 'spliff', deep fried Mars Bars and Breaking Bad! Mind you, he was total shit a parallel parking!"
A national sperm bank is to be set up to meet increasing demand and a UK-wide shortage......Wankers-R-Us.
Four more perverts discovered in Venessa's pants........."no wonder I have felt so uncomfortable all these years!"
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