Showing snippets written by Jeremy Paxman.
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Tim Westwood orders Chinese Food
Reports are emerging that Tim Westwood tried to order a Tupac Shakur, some Wu Tang Clan and Salt N Peppa's spare ribs according to a confused Chinaman.
Halifax Bank Losing Billions Thanks to Daft Radio Idea
You've seen the adverts and it's why Halifax Bank have lost billions during 2010. They're seemingly too busy trying to run a dull radio station using middle class idiots in suits than running a bank.
Cameron's Baby "Florence" Named After "Florence and the Machine"
David & Samantha Cameron have confirmed they named their latest offspring after their favourite group; Florence & the Machine. "We were shagging to FATM when we conceived so it was a natural choice"
Tiger Woods to Lose Half His Ethnicity in Divorce Settlement
In addition to a $750m divorce settlement; Tiger Woods has confirmed he will also have to give up 1/2 of his ethnicity to his former wife. Whether that's the black or asian side - we're not yet sure
Gary Neville Begs Joey Barton NOT to shave his moustache
Gary Neville today issued a heartfelt plea to Joey Barton to NOT shave off his moustache. Neville stated "it's a tragedy; I've never been able to grow a manly one like his myself so he should keep it"
Startling Wayne Rooney Admission: "I'm homophobic"
Rooney staggered millions of gay Manchester United fans today (basically, all Man Utd fans) by telling a popular women's magazine "I'm terrified of me own home, I have to have the light on in bed"
Richard Ramirez to Have Pioneering Face Transplant
To avoid mock-sensitive members of some discussion forums taking offence even at The Night Stalkers image; Ramirez is getting a face transplant. As of July, he will be depicted as a cute little bunny.
Obama - I'll Bleach My Eyeballs
Following claims of hypocrisy for whining about the BP oil spill, President Obama today took full responsibility for the Bhopal chemical disaster and pledged to inject his eyes with bleach to atone
John Cleese: I Trained Fidel Castro
It's a little known fact that all South American National Anthems are based on the Monty Python theme tune thanks to John Cleese's and Terry Gilliam's early careers as insurgents alongside Che Guevera
Twin Pensioners Born
Mildred Clarice Joyce of Chipping Sodbury today gave birth to twin pensioners a staggering 65 years after getting pregnant to a de-mobbed solider at the end of WWII.
Rooney Breaks Down
Millions watch as Rooney breaks down in the six yard box over his over his inability to think outside the box. In fact, he has actually built a box within the box and is now refusing to come out.
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