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Insertion oil - 'Huge concern'
Oil used for Romanian chin insertions is running dangerously low leading councils in west London to cancel candle making and piano craft. Hot insertions can still be made with warm Linseed oil.
Cameron appoints farmer as 'Economic Blue Skyer'
David Cameron has appointed Jethro Shanks after he demonstrated a 'bail-in' at a barn near chequers. The Prime Minister was also said to be impressed by an unusual dry chin insertion from Argentina.
Pinsent in gay mixup
After the boat race on Saturday, deputy umpire Matthew Pinsent ordered both teams to "Get their cox out" before coming ashore.
JFK died of 'natural causes'
JFK's fatal head wounds were in fact caused by a rouge chilli pepper from some nachos he was eating as he toured Dallas in November 1963. Experts found they were hot enough to cause an explosion.
Gay 'train' disgrace
Peter Tatchell is organising a continual 'chain' of gay men from Lands End to John O Groats involving more than 2 million 'fags' from across Europe. The police have warned of 'multiple' offences.
Buckingham Palace have ended up with a huge number of unexpected bills after Beaumont, Turnbull and Elliot all turned up for honours alongside Windsor who is guaranteed one when his dad dies.
World Cup Final 2010 - Spain 1 Netherlands 0
According to expert opinion
Prisons minister admits he regularly 'knocks-up' female prisoners.
Jimbo's very short history lesson
If the name of where you live ends in 'by' like Derby, you live above the line between 'the wash' and the severn estuary. If where you live or who you are contains 'x' or 'great' it is pre-1066.
Tatchel closet "traditionalist"
"Tatchel admits - I just couldn't get a girlfriend."
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