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Showing snippets written by Catherine the Average.


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Pippa's ass mourns Winehouse passing

Leads campaign to ensure all significant, important and accomplished public figures wear loose fitting clothing from the waist down for thirty days, in tribute.

written by Catherine the Average, 25 July 2011
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Harriet Harman furious no one quoting her Amy Winehouse tribute

'Amy Winegum and marginalization go hand in hand. That no one has quoted my release demonstrates it is structural hegemony that is ruining this country, not the gazillions of pounds Labour spent.'

written by Catherine the Average, 25 July 2011
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Victoria Beckham apologizes for snub to Spencer sisters

Mistook for former bandmates.

written by Catherine the Average, 02 May 2011
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Cart Wheeling Verger Cleared

New footage shows Princess Anne hurling him up aisle in bid to take out Earl Spencer.

written by Catherine the Average, 02 May 2011
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New World's Most Wanted Criminal Mastermind

Ima Knoll-Hopper, stylist to Princess Beatrice and Eugenie, leaps into first place following bin Laden vacancy.

written by Catherine the Average, 02 May 2011
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Princess Anne Tweet

Ingrates B & E yet to thank me for choosing their outfits for Friday!

written by Catherine the Average, 02 May 2011
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Bin Laden

Pippa Middleton's ass to make statement shortly.

written by Catherine the Average, 02 May 2011
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Fergie and Andy to star in new TV series

Disgraced pair signed for Downontheirluck Abbey.

written by Catherine the Average, 08 March 2011
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Not looking so bad now, am I?

Kate Middleton's controversial uncle to be seated next to Duke of York at wedding, wearing 'I'm with Stupid' t-shirt.

written by Catherine the Average, 07 March 2011
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Breaking Hollywood News

Charlie Sheen set to play Prince Andrew set to play Charlie Sheen in new farce biopic in cinemas by Christmas.

written by Catherine the Average, 07 March 2011
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Peabrains in a pod?

Daily Mail said investigating possibility Prince Andrew and Charlie Sheen separated at birth.

written by Catherine the Average, 07 March 2011
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Duke of Edinburgh Tweet

@#$# %^&$# @(^%$**!@!!!!!

written by Catherine the Average, 07 March 2011
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Award for Duke of York

Set to receive Charlie Sheen Prize for Excellence in Judgement on 1st April.

written by Catherine the Average, 06 March 2011
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Princess Anne Tweet

Told Tindall to get his nose sorted before wedding. Didn't mean surgery. Not with my left hook.

written by Catherine the Average, 06 March 2011
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Title change for Duke of York

Buckingham Palace hopes lowered expectations for Duke of Hopeless will quell scandal. Remarriage to Fergie expected in due course.

written by Catherine the Average, 05 March 2011
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Princess Anne Tweet

At least the hooves of my friends aren't cloven. He is sooooo thick!

written by Catherine the Average, 05 March 2011
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Royal Wedding Panic

Society stampedes Mayfair shops to avoid wearing Galliano on the 29th.

written by Catherine the Average, 01 March 2011
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Princess Anne Tweet

V. pissed off Mummy says I can't wear trousers to Zara's wedding.

written by Catherine the Average, 12 January 2011
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Princess Anne Tweet

Got seven lumps of coal for Xmas but glared at them so hard have new diamond necklace. Hah!

written by Catherine the Average, 27 December 2010
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Christmas gas contributes to global warming

Intensity of post-merriment methane pegged as major threat to ice caps.

written by Catherine the Average, 26 December 2010
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Christmas gas contributes to global warming

Intensity of post-merriment methane pegged as major threat to ice caps.

written by Catherine the Average, 26 December 2010
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Princess Anne Tweet

Annual Boxing Day peasant shoot today - hurrah!

written by Catherine the Average, 26 December 2010
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Princess Anne Tweet

Personally wringing the Christmas turkey's neck today. Comfort and joy!

written by Catherine the Average, 23 December 2010
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BA to re-brand after Xmas Travel Fiasco

Will very slowly re-enter the market as Tortoise Airlines with flights starting... well, no one's sure but they're doing their absolute best to decide.

written by Catherine the Average, 23 December 2010
Showing page 1 (of 8 pages)


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