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Dead Astronauts on Mars
Nasa's Curiosity Rover has found dead astronauts on Mars. Fifteen bodies in total. An Australian tourist is thought to be among them.
Vilification of Sex Outlawed
Washington. Public vilification of the sex act has been banned Congress. Fifteen thousand stand-up comedians out of a job.
Wuthering Heights Remake
Warner Bros are doing a remake of the classic Wuthering Heights. Tony Blair has been asked to star as Heathcliff and J.K.Rowling as Catherine.
Ebola Sculpture for BBC World Service
A monument to Ebola is to be erected outside the BBC headquarters in London. Called "Persistence" it will be designed by Freemason Damien Hirst and built by Harland and Wolff Belfast.
Miracle Win at Betfair!
Unconfirmed reports are coming in that a man in Hull, who wishes to remain anonymous, won ten quid on Betfair's Arcade Games. Betfair refuses to comment.
A new book has just been released by Dr. Martin Boring that proves beyond doubt that Adolf Hitler was a conspiracy theorist.
Buckingham Palace to Move to Australia.
Buckingham Palace is to move to Canberra, Australia. "Well, old boy", said Prince Philip. "If we lose Australia we lose everything. We are moving everything over there bit by bit, including the royal family."
Peruvian Tribe "Untouched by Civilization"
A campaign has been launched to allow the recently discovered Peruvian tribe "untouched by civilization" to REMAIN UNTOUCHED BY CIVILIZATION as all of us 'touched' by 'civilization' are FUCKED UP.
Pope Francis's Solution to the World's Evil
Rome: Pope Francis addressing a massive crowd in St. Peter's Square called for all governments of the world to print and control their own money and to put an end to the evil tyranny of the banking elite.
IRS Executives Arrested.
Washington: Forty three Leading IRS executives were this morning arrested in a raid on the ir IRS HQ. They will be charged with treason. conspiracy to defraud and grand theft as no law has ever been passed enabling them to gather 'income tax'.
Scientists Discover What Turns Women On
Scientists at the Mind Control Tavistock Institute, London had discovered what really turns women on. MONEY! It swiftly dilates pupils, excites brain and removes inhibitions. Does the same to men too apparently.
Running out of people to behead, Isis militants have begun beheading themselves... for Allah.
Biggest Money Spinner of Them All
At the Annual Business Convention of Advertisers held in London it was officially declared that the biggest money spinner of them all is LOW SELF-ESTEEM.
Chilling Survey... It's all in the Words
A new Sheeple-Survey has revealed that nine out of ten people would rather be 'euthanased' than killed.
Rowling Confesses Potter Book 8 on the Way.
Declared J.K. Rowling to the Sunday Express... "I never ever, ever, ever, ever said I would not write Potter Book 8. What I said was I was not "thinking" of doing so. I am soooooooooo embarrassed.
Monsanto... Very Fishy Indeed!
After dumping two tons of genetically modified fish into the Atlantic, anyone henceforth fishing in any ocean or sea anywhere in the world will have to buy a licence from Monsanto ... or be sued.
Prince Charles' Letters to be Released
Big scoop? Well... "However, some redactions were made to the letters, where the court deemed parts of the content to not be in the public's interest." (Guardian).
In other words, Sheeple... don't waste your time reading the shit. Or, lap up what they throw you.
New World Religion "CHRISTLAM" on the Way
Four years from now the NWO global religion called "Christlam" will begin. Pope Francis has summoned Disneyland designers to the Vatican.
Scientology Severely Taxed
The Supreme High Court USA has ordered the Church of Scientology to pay its taxes like everybody else. Tom Cruise so upset he may need to be 'cleared' by the late Ron Hubbard.
Rolf Harris... Fall Guy for The Powerful Guilty
The Savile Inquiry is now certain to drag on for another ten years... until all the powerful guilty die off. Meanwhile, let all the Sheeple focus on old Rolf Harris... yet again. Just so's you know 'justice' is being done... yo ho ho!
Fantasy-Reality Swop Finally Complete
The media drive to confuse reality with fantasy has finally reached its goal. Next year's Hollywood Oscars will have an additional category... BEST DRONE MISSILE CONTROLLER.
David Cameron Sleeps Out.
For the election David Cameron has spent a night among the outcasts in Hyde Park. "Now I know wha they go through," said he. "All I could think of was the champagne breakfast I had lined up for when I got back home,"
Scientists Discover Why men Cheat.
Scientists have discovered why so many men cheat on their partners: (1) Sex. (2) More sex. (3) More exciting sex.
Verdict Out on Casual Vacancy BBC Series.
Hiram Abiff Pike, editor of the Sunday Times declares Rowling's "Casual Vacancy", "the best TV production ever" from his Lodge in Central London.
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