Showing breaking news satire snippets written by Auntie Matter.

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If Jesus Were to Return...

He'd be given a Papal Knighthood by Pope Francis... and a gold watch... for services rendered to the Catholic Church.

written by Auntie Matter, 27 December 2016

What Makes a Radical?

Self-hatred leading to a need for an 'identity'.
What is "identity".
What is "ego"?
Conditioning + beliefs + self-delusions.

That's how you get a 'hero', a 'martyr', a tyrant.. an idiot.

written by Auntie Matter, 23 December 2016

Rowling at Work on Two New Novels

An ounce of crap is crap. A ton of it is still crap.
But, if she keeps churning it out she will convince the sheeple for good that Potter emerged "fully formed" from her own teeming brain. It didn't.

written by Auntie Matter, 23 December 2016

At Last... The Truth Revealed

And terribly simple it is; Those who HAVE rule...and those who have NOT are ruled.
Let the asset be property, knowledge, scholarship; it matters not a damn. This is what is happening. Tyranny.

written by Auntie Matter, 22 December 2016

Rowling to Break Out

Rowling begins new franchises marketing her own fashion label, plus birthday cards, greeting cards, calendars and jewelry based on her drawings. "It's for literature and our investors," she explained.

written by Auntie Matter, 20 December 2016

Farewell Aleppo

Aleppo and its irreplaceable relics is now reduced to rubble. 400,000+ dead, the vast majority civilians bombed in their sleep. Both sides claim 'victory'... whatever that might be.

written by Auntie Matter, 18 December 2016

Geldof Condemns EEC

"It is ignoring the wishes of European citizens."

No kiddin' Bob?

Ever hear of the New World Order of which you are but a humble tool... as is your buddy Bono?

written by Auntie Matter, 16 December 2016

Madeleine McCann

A young woman resembling doomed child Madeleine McCann has been spotted in Krasnoyarsk, Russia.
Parents to visit.
BBC to make documentary of their journey for worldwide distribution.

written by Auntie Matter, 16 December 2016

Victoria's Secret Model Lost at Sea.

Said an eye witness: "During the shoot, her incredible bikini body was simply slapped by a mighty wave and she was swept out to sea like a broken match stick. We never saw her again."

written by Auntie Matter, 14 December 2016

Trump Has to Go

"We wanted Hillary for president," say America's rich and powerful. "Somebody stuffed up. So Trump has to go. We will find a way. That is what democracy is all about."

written by Auntie Matter, 13 December 2016

Irish Priest Barred by Vatican

Controversial Irish Catholic theologian, Fr. Finnbar O'Murphy has been excommunicated by Pope Francis for declaring that "Jesus Christ did not want to suffer... for humanity or anything else."

written by Auntie Matter, 27 November 2016

Distress Call from Mars

The world's biggest radio telescope situated at Guizhou in South West China after only a few days operating has picked up a May Day signal from Mars claiming that aliens have invaded their planet.

written by Auntie Matter, 27 November 2016

Fidel Castro Gone

Fidel Castro is dead aged 90.
Cuban octogenarians say he may have been poisoned.

written by Auntie Matter, 26 November 2016

After the Mannequin Challenge

After the Mannequin Challenge set up by the NWO boys to convince the young that they are but things... comes its successor - the "Be a Douche Bag Challenge" now sweeping the nation.

written by Auntie Matter, 25 November 2016

Rowling's Secret Billions

Sick of the "I did it my way" rags to riches Rowling myth? Well you should. The Freemasons made Rowling and protect their golden cow to a man. Who believes Potter has anything to do with literature?

written by Auntie Matter, 25 November 2016

Vimeo's Erotica

It has now been disclosed that ALL of the erotic videos on Vimeo are made by the same dude - retired gynecologist and tattoo artist Dr. Ramana Dick Bumsfelt of Hackney London.

written by Auntie Matter, 24 November 2016

New Category in This Years Oscars

The new category is "The Dumbest Lyrics in a Musical".
Fav is The Bodyguard where... Whitney Houston sings to Kevin Costner..."We both know I'm not what you... you neeeed..." What he needed was specs.

written by Auntie Matter, 24 November 2016

Illuminati Declaration

"With the might and power of our science we will so condition the human mind that when we tell the truth however ghastly nobody will respond; and when we tell lies, nobody will be able to respond."

written by Auntie Matter, 22 November 2016

Worst Places to Take a Selfie

1. Divorce Court.
2. Hijacked Plane.
3. Funeral Mass.
4. Death Row.

written by Auntie Matter, 17 November 2016

End of The World

"America has declared war against Russia and China!"
You will never miss breaking news with GOOGLE News Alerts

written by Auntie Matter, 15 November 2016


Who the hell is J.K Rowling? Who's saying what, when, where and how..about what? And who really has written what about what? Why all the secrecy? Where is her ex-husband, her editors? Who dey? WTF!?

written by Auntie Matter, 13 November 2016

Plagiarism Lawyers

Skillings, Rowling's lawyers who took 60+ people to court on her behalf, state. "Writers pleading plagiarism against our clients, go home. Thanks to the web, we can find antecedents to anything. OK?"

written by Auntie Matter, 13 November 2016

Belfast Names Twin City

Belfast, Northern Ireland has named Palermo Sicily as its twin city. "We have so much in common," explained Sinn Fein councillor, Finnbar Corleone.

written by Auntie Matter, 12 November 2016

Trump's Son Looks Strange

Donald's son looks strange as his dad accepts the nomination on camera. As well he might, because he knows the Chosen One was Clinton and something has gone badly wrong.

written by Auntie Matter, 10 November 2016

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