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UN Rules in Favour of Assange's Release

Justice Lowell Goddard heading the Jimmy Savile inquiry has congratulated the UN on the speed with which it arrived at the conclusion that Mr. Assange should never have been confined.

written by Auntie Matter, 04 February 2016
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Valizadeh's Mother Raped

Daryush Valizadeh's mother was yesterday drugged and raped by three men. Said Mr. Valizadeh. "I am just so happy it took place on private property. What a relief!"

written by Auntie Matter, 01 February 2016
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Hurricane Heading for Britain

Hurricane "Stars and Stripes" heading East to hoover Gt. Britain. Royal Family moved to Australia.

written by Auntie Matter, 01 February 2016
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Lloyds Bank Sold

J.P.Morgan Chase Co. has bought Britain's Lloyd's bank for an undisclosed sum. Interest rates expected to rise. The NWO marches on.

written by Auntie Matter, 28 January 2016
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Jimmy Savile Inquiry to Drag On...and On...and On...

Judge Lowell Goddard chairing the Savile inquiry has announced that the case will drag on for another 4 years so that high ranking suspects can get a chance to die off.

written by Auntie Matter, 28 January 2016
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Now for the Attic Tax

UK: Following the "bedroom tax" comes the "attic tax". Anyone living in a house with an attic will have their welfare benefit cut by 10%.

written by Auntie Matter, 27 January 2016
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"Revenant" to be Made Into Musical.

The film Revenant starring Leonardo DiCaprio is to be made into a musical, renamed "Robinson Crusoe on Ice"

written by Auntie Matter, 24 January 2016
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Jimmy Savile Case Closed

Scotland Yard have announced that the Savile Inquiry is closed. Said Chief Super Justin Thyme; "Now that the main suspects have at last died off we have no further need for it. Rule Britannia!"

written by Auntie Matter, 18 January 2016
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Airport Surveillance to Tighten Up

Internal organs removal now compulsory at all European and American airports.

written by Auntie Matter, 16 January 2016
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Australian National News Headlines...Boxing Day

Prince William and Prince Harry back home again in Sydney have revealed that their father Prince Charles can be an embarrassing dad like any other.

written by Auntie Matter, 28 December 2015
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Australian National News Headlines...Wednesday

Prince Andrew broke a finger nail while dining out in Sydney. Injury not thought to be life threatening.

written by Auntie Matter, 15 December 2015
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J.K.Rowling to be Made a Saint

Pope Francis has announced that J.K.Rowling is to be canonized. This is a first time a saint has been made before they have even died. Editor for the Daily Telegraph said; "This comes as no surprise. We have fought hard for this."

written by Auntie Matter, 06 December 2015
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Now We Know

The latest findings from Independent New Age Inquirer states that "not all psychiatrists are nuts. Some can function surprisingly well in normal society."

written by Auntie Matter, 30 November 2015
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Australian National News... Thursday

Prince Harry fell off his pony during a polo match in India. Luckily, no injuries were sustained. .... You think we are making it up, don't you?

written by Auntie Matter, 30 November 2015
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Monsanto Claims Planet

MONSANTO food racketeers yesterday released genetically modified fish eggs into the Pacific. They now claim legal copyright on all the fish in all the oceans as well as all the crops on all lands.

written by Auntie Matter, 29 November 2015
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Australian National News Headlines...Wednesday

Prince Andrew had French mustard on the burger he ate while visiting Africa.

written by Auntie Matter, 27 November 2015
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Australian National News Headlines...Tuesday.

Prince Andrew had onions on the burger he ate while visiting Africa.

written by Auntie Matter, 27 November 2015
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Australian National News Headlines...Monday.

Prince Andrew ate a hamburger while visiting Africa.

written by Auntie Matter, 27 November 2015
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Dead Astronauts on Mars

Nasa's Curiosity Rover has found dead astronauts on Mars. Fifteen bodies in total. An Australian tourist is thought to be among them.

written by Auntie Matter, 22 October 2015
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Vilification of Sex Outlawed

Washington. Public vilification of the sex act has been banned Congress. Fifteen thousand stand-up comedians out of a job.

written by Auntie Matter, 16 October 2015
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Wuthering Heights Remake


Warner Bros are doing a remake of the classic Wuthering Heights. Tony Blair has been asked to star as Heathcliff and J.K.Rowling as Catherine.

written by Auntie Matter, 16 October 2015
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Ebola Sculpture for BBC World Service

A monument to Ebola is to be erected outside the BBC headquarters in London. Called "Persistence" it will be designed by Freemason Damien Hirst and built by Harland and Wolff Belfast.

written by Auntie Matter, 15 October 2015
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Miracle Win at Betfair!

Unconfirmed reports are coming in that a man in Hull, who wishes to remain anonymous, won ten quid on Betfair's Arcade Games. Betfair refuses to comment.

written by Auntie Matter, 23 September 2015
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Hitler Unmasked

A new book has just been released by Dr. Martin Boring that proves beyond doubt that Adolf Hitler was a conspiracy theorist.

written by Auntie Matter, 17 September 2015
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