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New Government Aid

The U.S. mint plans to alter the formula of its printing paper by adding spandex to the cotton. This is their way of helping with the economic hardship by helping Americans stretch a dollar.

written by SonofChaucer, 29 March 2010
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Outcast Skateboarder

A Los Angeles teen is being ostracized by his fellow skateboarders for never having broken a bone. He says he's not a bad skater, and frequently does rad tricks, but just can't seem to ever get hurt.

written by SonofChaucer, 18 March 2010
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Bernake Defends His Tenure

Fed. chairman Ben Bernake says economy is fixed, and uses youtube videos of people playing with coins as evidence. He claims "since they have 2 nickels to rub together, they're not so poor afterall."

written by SonofChaucer, 18 March 2010
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Reason for Glenn Beck's Wildness Discovered

Glenn Beck was arrested outside a Chucky Cheese for possession of crystal meth. When the DEA agents searched him, besides the meth, they found nothing else in his pockets but knives and lint.

written by SonofChaucer, 18 March 2010
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House: The Lost Episode

In an unaired episode, House attempts to cure entire healthcare system by transplanting one of Dick Cheney's testicles the Obama. The testicle was obtained during Cheney's recent hospitalization.

written by SonofChaucer, 18 March 2010
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Pirates Sue Companies

Media and software pirates sued companies for using the terms Bit Torrent and Peer-to-Peer. The pirates claim that they put creativity into coining these terms, and companies can't use them at will.

written by SonofChaucer, 17 March 2010
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Community College Dean Summoned before Congressional Panel

A community college dean faces a congressional panel to answer questions on a shady endorsement scam. Companies had been paying the college to endorse products after merely glancing at photos.

written by SonofChaucer, 17 March 2010
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Growing Trend in Japan

Young men in Japan are obsessed with bayonets. They saw American soldiers in movies use those weapons with honor and discipline, and now have replica bayonets hanging on the walls in their rooms.

written by SonofChaucer, 17 March 2010
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M. Night Shyamalan's Super Twist

M. Night Shyamalan unveils ultimate twist: His last three movies were actually directed by Uwe Boll. He needed the time to create the ultimate thriller. There's hope yet.

written by SonofChaucer, 17 March 2010
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Slippery Slope

Following their extension of the 1st amendment to give corporations the right to fund politics freely, the Supreme Court is about to extend the 2nd amendment to let individuals own nukes.

written by SonofChaucer, 17 March 2010
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Boys Will Be Boys

Bill Clinton sneaked into the White House and flushed the toilet while Obama was in the Shower. Obama plans to retaliate simply by telling Hilary about the prank.

written by SonofChaucer, 17 March 2010
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Entenders Can Sneak Up on You

Rachel Ray just realized she had been making soft porn all along. Her only regret: She could have been covering the meat with surround wrap and made sex-ed videos instead.

written by SonofChaucer, 17 March 2010
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Recognizing Those Who Came Before

Obama organizes reunion of all actors who played black U.S. presidents. Joe Biden also called for a reunion of those who had played retarded VPs.

written by SonofChaucer, 17 March 2010
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They Must Taste Their Own Medicine

A group of ingenious civil liberties advocates have tracked down a dominatrix who is patronized by right-wing politicians, and convinced her to add water-boarding to routine.

written by SonofChaucer, 17 March 2010
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