Showing snippets written by The Medium Cheese.
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Things are breaking all over England
Hard Toilet Paper Made People Morally Stronger
Back in the days when people used tracing paper to wipe their arses, there were fewer teenage pregnancies. Go figure.
World Ended Yesterday
- some parts not yet affected
Bum Twats Tits
A vagrant has been apprehended by RSPCA officers on Hampstead Heath for throwing bricks at a nest of bluetits.
Moat: - Castle Surrounded
Police chiefs coordinating the hunt for Raoul Moat reported that a castle near Rothbury is now surrounded by a moat.
Dick Bollocks Fanny
Retired Radio chef Fanny Craddock was very upset today after being severely reprimanded by TV chef Richard Focks, at the Cheshire County Show.
Hong Kong Strong Dong Pong Wrong: Long Song
Sting has written a 44-verse folk ballad about the story of Kwai Lap, who was recently ordered by the Hong Kong authorities to suppress the foul odours emanating from his unwashed nether regions.
Hong Kong: Strong Dong Pong "Wrong"
The authorities in Hong Kong have ruled that the foul odours emanating from Kwai Lap's unwashed nether regions pose risk to public health and that he must shower at least once a week.
Lit Twit's Fitted Tit Mitt a Hit
During a fire in which he was injured, Bertie Wooster came up with the idea of the made-to-measure fur-lined bra. Primark has reported record sales of the product during the recent cold spell.
That Fat Cat Matt Sat at Bat in Hat- Twat!
Play at Lords was delayed for 15 minutes today when the famous panama-wearing multi-millionaire media mogul Matthew Moron moseyed into the match, erected a deck chair by the stump, and fell asleep.
Star Washer Screws Nuts; Seals, Plugs and Bolts
Dot Branning, launderette manageress, sucessfully persuaded 2 guys with mental health issues to have intercourse with her, before locking them in a room, connecting them to the mains and running away.
Hole appears in Oxford Street
Police are looking into it.
Story summarised in headline
This story been summarised in a short headline. The writer wanted to wallow in the feeling of certainty that some total stranger has read his mindless bullshit.
Man Marries Wasp
George Pimp, 47 married a wasp today at Hume Registry Office, once the Registrar had established that the wasp was female, otherwise it would have had to be a civil partnership.
British TV presenter correctly pronounces Eyjafjallajökull
Naah, only kidding. And the Yanks can't say it either.
Pope not a Catholic
The Pope is not a Catholic, says the Vatican. He's a Zoroastrian who knocked on the wrong door, and "one thing led to another". The rhetorical substitute for "yes" has now been officially scrapped.
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