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Showing snippets written by The Medium Cheese.


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Breaking News

Things are breaking all over England

written by The Medium Cheese, 09 August 2011
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Hard Toilet Paper Made People Morally Stronger

Back in the days when people used tracing paper to wipe their arses, there were fewer teenage pregnancies. Go figure.

written by The Medium Cheese, 10 April 2011
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World Ended Yesterday

- some parts not yet affected

written by The Medium Cheese, 16 July 2010
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Bum Twats Tits

A vagrant has been apprehended by RSPCA officers on Hampstead Heath for throwing bricks at a nest of bluetits.

written by The Medium Cheese, 16 July 2010
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Moat: - Castle Surrounded

Police chiefs coordinating the hunt for Raoul Moat reported that a castle near Rothbury is now surrounded by a moat.

written by The Medium Cheese, 09 July 2010
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Dick Bollocks Fanny

Retired Radio chef Fanny Craddock was very upset today after being severely reprimanded by TV chef Richard Focks, at the Cheshire County Show.

written by The Medium Cheese, 06 July 2010
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Hong Kong Strong Dong Pong Wrong: Long Song

Sting has written a 44-verse folk ballad about the story of Kwai Lap, who was recently ordered by the Hong Kong authorities to suppress the foul odours emanating from his unwashed nether regions.

written by The Medium Cheese, 10 June 2010
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Hong Kong: Strong Dong Pong "Wrong"

The authorities in Hong Kong have ruled that the foul odours emanating from Kwai Lap's unwashed nether regions pose risk to public health and that he must shower at least once a week.

written by The Medium Cheese, 10 June 2010
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Lit Twit's Fitted Tit Mitt a Hit

During a fire in which he was injured, Bertie Wooster came up with the idea of the made-to-measure fur-lined bra. Primark has reported record sales of the product during the recent cold spell.

written by The Medium Cheese, 10 June 2010
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That Fat Cat Matt Sat at Bat in Hat- Twat!

Play at Lords was delayed for 15 minutes today when the famous panama-wearing multi-millionaire media mogul Matthew Moron moseyed into the match, erected a deck chair by the stump, and fell asleep.

written by The Medium Cheese, 10 June 2010
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Star Washer Screws Nuts; Seals, Plugs and Bolts

Dot Branning, launderette manageress, sucessfully persuaded 2 guys with mental health issues to have intercourse with her, before locking them in a room, connecting them to the mains and running away.

written by The Medium Cheese, 10 June 2010
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Hole appears in Oxford Street

Police are looking into it.

written by The Medium Cheese, 29 May 2010
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Story summarised in headline

This story been summarised in a short headline. The writer wanted to wallow in the feeling of certainty that some total stranger has read his mindless bullshit.

written by The Medium Cheese, 24 May 2010
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Man Marries Wasp

George Pimp, 47 married a wasp today at Hume Registry Office, once the Registrar had established that the wasp was female, otherwise it would have had to be a civil partnership.

written by The Medium Cheese, 19 May 2010
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British TV presenter correctly pronounces Eyjafjallajökull

Naah, only kidding. And the Yanks can't say it either.

written by The Medium Cheese, 18 May 2010
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Pope not a Catholic

The Pope is not a Catholic, says the Vatican. He's a Zoroastrian who knocked on the wrong door, and "one thing led to another". The rhetorical substitute for "yes" has now been officially scrapped.

written by The Medium Cheese, 26 February 2010
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