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BP lubricates public image

Petroleum giant massaged outraged public with urge to "remember all of the good times" before the spill. "We made a mistake," said spokesman Slicken Smooth. "I promise it will never happen again."

written by Amethyst Ryder, 10 June 2010
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Survey finds penises are boring

89 percent of women ages 25-49 think penises, when not being put to good use, aren't as interesting as men think they are. The other 11 percent were habitual liars on the subject.

written by Amethyst Ryder, 10 June 2010
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BP blames Canada

"If only they'd done the right thing and annexed to America," said an unnamed BP strategic planner, "the entire land would be ours to drill, and this little Gulf spill need never have happened."

written by Amethyst Ryder, 03 June 2010
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Todd Bridges fears he's next on Grim Reaper's hit list

"First Dana Plato; now Gary Coleman. It's only a matter of time," said Todd Bridges, the last survivor of 80s sitcom Diff'rent Strokes. "I'd have been safer if I'd been born a Kennedy."

written by Amethyst Ryder, 30 May 2010
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