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World's Biggest Oxymoron Named After World's Biggest Moron
George W. Bush Library opens.
Wanted: Lunatics Who Think They Can Communicate With God
It interested, contact College of Cardinals, Vatican City, Rome.
Good News! George Bush Is In Intensive Care
Bad News: It's the father, not the son.
NRA's LaPierre Proposes Deal
America puts armed guards into schools so we can keep putting guns into the hands of the people that shoot up those schools.
NRA To America: We Are Sane, Reasonable People
But if you try to take our guns we'll kill every last one of you.
Chick-Fil-A Becomes First Corporate Sponsor of Westboro Baptist Church
Protest signs will now read, "God and Chick-Fil-A Hate Fags" and "God Hates Fags But Loves Chick-Fil-A."
Obama Shocks America: I Support Gay Marriage
Americans aren't shocked by his stand supporting gay marriage, they are shocked he's taking an actual stand.
Cheney Dies After Heart Transplant
International war criminal dead at 71 after body rejects introduction of unfamiliar organ.
Christian "Values" Voters Miss Irony of Choosing Newt
South Carolina Republicans reject perceived polygamist for actual polygamist.
Educators Excited About Planned Wikipedia "Blackout"
Wikipedia blackout on January 18 will lead to more accurate and factual homework assignments being turned in on January 19, nation's teachers say.
Romney: "I'll Run U.S. Like I Ran Bain Capital"
Says he'll shut down underperforming states, fire millions of citizens and sell what's left to China.
Like Everyone Else Romney Once Worried About Getting Fired
Unlike everyone else, Romney worried about getting fired from his job of firing people.
Occupy Movement Has Unintended Ironic Victory
Because of Occupy U.S. public officials are suddenly concerned about supposed damage to public spaces they've been neglecting for decades.
Millions Die Tragic Needless Deaths While God Helps Tebow Win
"Fuck those pussies," sayeth the Lord. "I help winners."
Weekly World News To Merge With Fox News
Planned "two-tier" approach will add in more serious fare alongside Fox's regular content.
NYC Riot Police Break Up Manger Scene
Cops dismayed to find that church youth group they beat weren't members of Occupy Wall St. ACLU at a loss deciding whom to defend.
Fox Anchor's Pepper Spray Quote Spawns New Fox News Tag Line
"Fox News: It's a derivative of actual news. It's a fool's product, essentially."
Fired UPenn Coach Joe Paterno Offered New Job
Will head newly created "Office of Child Sexual Abuse Coverups" Vatican announces.
Al Qaeda To Outsource Shooting of American Soldiers
"We're proud to accept this contract with Al Qaeda, but frankly we're happy to shoot American military personnel for free," said a spokesman for the Oakland, CA police department.
Christian Broadcasting Network Introduces New Sitcom
"The Big Bang Is Just A Theory" premieres September 22.
Rick Perry Calls For Ban On Teaching In Schools
Texas governor plans to ask for ban on schools themselves next year.
Bush Details His 9/11 Commemoration Plans
To commemorate his reaction to the news of the twin towers the former president plans to sit for twenty minutes with a blank look on his face.
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