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Stuart Hall given 15 months for sexual offences
...but judge plays the Joker and doubles it up to 30.
Sex without butterflies is 'the best ever'
Having sex without butterflies around you is, experts say, awesome.
Chr*s Moyles 'sodomised my handbag'
Former Radio 1 DJ Moyles has been charged with gross indecency with a handbag after an incident in the Reading branch of Miss Selfridge earlier this week.
The 'N-word' is now the most used word in the English language
Linguists at the University of Chappaquiddick have calculated that the 'N-word' is used somewhere in the US at least 140,000 times per second in a variety of contexts, but mostly by academics.
Suicide now a capital offence in Utah
Suicide now carries a penalty of death by lethal injection in Utah. The suicide victim is brought back to life in the normal way, then killed again as a punishment.
Crucifixion of Jesus 'was a prank that went wrong'
Biblical scholars and historians have cited documentary evidence to suggest that Jesus' death was simply 'fooling around' with some centurions that got out of hand after too many beers.
Jack the Ripper is 'Greatest Ever Briton'
Jack the Ripper has been voted Britain's greatest ever inhabitant by readers of Jack the Ripper Monthly.
'The Queen is a c*nt'
The film director Stephen Frears says his film 'The Queen' was his most difficult film to make.
'Rape should be an Olympic sport'
The harvesting of the cash-crop, Rape, that requires great skill and strength, might become a recognised sport by 2016.
'The disabled are a waste of f*cking space'
A new study suggests that some the large number of spaces reserved for the Disabled could be used as breeding grounds for rare birds.
'Self-harm' is the new rock and roll
Professor Rimming-Spree of the University of Sixties-New Town says that cutting oneself with glass and razor blades is 'pretty cool' and 'cutting edge'.
'Gone away' is the Bluebird
Scientists suggest that, in geographical locations that can be termed 'Winter Wonderlands', the Bluebird has 'gone away' to be replaced by what they are calling a 'New Bird'.
Top baby names of 2012: Thrush and Fecal
Other top names include Machete, Van Der Graaf Generator, Human Centipede, Velcro, Fuckstick, Cheesy Football, Smegma, Vosene, Septuagesima and Quad Bike.
Mayan's prediction of jet packs for everyone now being treated with scepticism
The headline is the story - I am too tired to write the rest. Anyway, it's nearly Christmas. Seasons' greetings to one and all
Archeologists red-faced after confusing 'hypocaust' with 'holocaust'
'Now we know why we didn't find any mosaic floor tiles at Aushwitz!' said Professor Bulb-of-Percussion at the University of Wessex.
Romans had 'the Holocaust' under their floors
Archeologists have proved that the Romans had concentration camps with guards and gas chambers under their floors as a means of providing heating.
US constitution: right to 'bear arms' becomes 'have small penises'
The US constitution will strike a reference to bearing arms and replace it with a reference to small penises - the implication will remain the same, thus avoiding the anger of the pro-gun lobby.
Top present of 2012 will be Bradley Wiggins' sperm preserved in amber
Shops report they sold out of the Sports Personality's seed fixed in protective resin this weekend. Scientists hope that the fluid may be reactivated in the future to create an island of cyclists.
Cancer scientists admit they were working on the starsign, not the disease
'We found a cure for Cancer, but it involved not being born between 21 June and 22 July. Sorry'.
'Xmas' is blasphemous abbreviation
Replacing 'Christ' in the word 'Christmas' with an 'X' is 'the devil's work' according to the Church of Christ Christ Christ Christ Christ yes Christ.
Christmas 'makes dogs come'
Just seeing the word 'Christmas' can induce orgasm in some breeds of dogs, experts at the Institute of Fucking Around suggest.
America's fucked-up nerds urged to hit legitimate targets for a change
'Fuck the lot of you'
You can all fuck off and die as far as I'm concerned, a new study suggests.
Americans 'just want to be Canadians'
Study suggests that US citizens want to switch to being Canadian. Canadians are more intelligent, sophisticated and are OK with guns, making them attractive role-models for youngsters.
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