Spoof Snippets

'Gone away' is the Bluebird

Scientists suggest that, in geographical locations that can be termed 'Winter Wonderlands', the Bluebird has 'gone away' to be replaced by what they are calling a 'New Bird'.

Top baby names of 2012: Thrush and Fecal

Other top names include Machete, Van Der Graaf Generator, Human Centipede, Velcro, Fuckstick, Cheesy Football, Smegma, Vosene, Septuagesima and Quad Bike.

Mayan's prediction of jet packs for everyone now being treated with scepticism

The headline is the story - I am too tired to write the rest. Anyway, it's nearly Christmas. Seasons' greetings to one and all

Archeologists red-faced after confusing 'hypocaust' with 'holocaust'

'Now we know why we didn't find any mosaic floor tiles at Aushwitz!' said Professor Bulb-of-Percussion at the University of Wessex.

Romans had 'the Holocaust' under their floors

Archeologists have proved that the Romans had concentration camps with guards and gas chambers under their floors as a means of providing heating.

US constitution: right to 'bear arms' becomes 'have small penises'

The US constitution will strike a reference to bearing arms and replace it with a reference to small penises - the implication will remain the same, thus avoiding the anger of the pro-gun lobby.

Top present of 2012 will be Bradley Wiggins' sperm preserved in amber

Shops report they sold out of the Sports Personality's seed fixed in protective resin this weekend. Scientists hope that the fluid may be reactivated in the future to create an island of cyclists.

Cancer scientists admit they were working on the starsign, not the disease

'We found a cure for Cancer, but it involved not being born between 21 June and 22 July. Sorry'.

'Xmas' is blasphemous abbreviation

Replacing 'Christ' in the word 'Christmas' with an 'X' is 'the devil's work' according to the Church of Christ Christ Christ Christ Christ yes Christ.

Christmas 'makes dogs come'

Just seeing the word 'Christmas' can induce orgasm in some breeds of dogs, experts at the Institute of Fucking Around suggest.

America's fucked-up nerds urged to hit legitimate targets for a change

'Fuck the lot of you'

You can all fuck off and die as far as I'm concerned, a new study suggests.

Americans 'just want to be Canadians'

Study suggests that US citizens want to switch to being Canadian. Canadians are more intelligent, sophisticated and are OK with guns, making them attractive role-models for youngsters.

YouTube arrested for lewd act in public place

The internet uploading site, YouTube, was arrested in Los Angeles late last night for committing an act of gross indecency with a man in a park, who later turned out to be a plain-clothes cop.

ITV's 'Daybreak' enters 5th day

Hopes are fading fast for those affected by the new ITV breakfast programme 'Daybreak'. Some 30 workers are still trapped by the show and are being fed by tubes.

'Working-Classes not genetically able to vote'

New research from the University of Hertfordshire suggests that the Working-Class are not genetically-predisposed to vote or indeed participate in any form of decision-making process.

'Arm the Terminally-Ill'

New government initiative to alleviate suffering of those with terminal illnesses is trialled in Lancashire.