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Fructose will kill ya dead, say scientists

Tiny amounts of 'fructose' ingested during the munching of bread could cause symptoms ranging from slight discomfort to really serious death, claim scientist.

Best not then, eh.

written by nigmuncher, 30 October 2009
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Agassi talks bollox after crystal meth

After admitting taking crystal meth in 1997. Andre Agassi told reporters. "I man cool. fuck bright meal. Ha! Constable find green helicopter mash pelican."

written by nigmuncher, 28 October 2009
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Andre supped from the crystal glass

Andre Agassi drank metholated spirits in 1997. So what, I bet it just gave him the shits

written by nigmuncher, 28 October 2009
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Jeremy Clarkson wins RNIB 'Rear of theYear' Award

Podgy Top Gear presenter, Jeremy Clarkson, walked away with the Royal National Institute of Blind People 'Arse of the Year' award. This was later amended to 'Arsehole of the Year' Award.

written by nigmuncher, 25 October 2009
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12st man dies after 13st constipation trauma

Titus Bean's 8 years of constipation ended in an evacuation of biblical proportions today. Bean disappeared in a 13st mound of his own faeces. 'He always was a drama queen.' said his mother.

written by nigmuncher, 24 October 2009
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Ann Widdecombe abhores swearing on TV

Ann Widdecombe has been quoted in the press regarding her abhorance of swearing on TV. "It really f**ks me off, said the fragrant Ann.

written by nigmuncher, 23 October 2009
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Writer of We buy Any Car Ad shot for being a bastard

The writer of the 'We buy any car.com' advert has been executed for crimes against taste. the absolute tosser.

written by nigmuncher, 22 October 2009
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Nick Griffin To play Santa

BNP's Nick Griffin is set to play Santa Clause in Quentin Tarentino's forthcoming movie, 'Santa Clause, the Psycho'

written by nigmuncher, 22 October 2009
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Top Gear's Clarkson reputed to be married

Top Gear's Jeremy Clarkson is reputed to be married.... To a woman.
God! She must have a broad back.
Celebrity watchers refute the claim, stating his chauvinism as a reason.

written by nigmuncher, 22 October 2009
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BBC Defend Griffin Decision

'Question Time' The BBC have defended BNP Nick Griffin's right to free sp...............................

written by nigmuncher, 22 October 2009
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Queen gives AC/DC singer blessing to join Boyzone

Hm the Q today gave her approval at AC/DC singer, Brian Johnson's move to boyband 'Boyzone'.
HRH Phil the Greek is said to be f****n pleased as punch.

written by nigmuncher, 22 October 2009
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Gereatrics on vaccine rampage

Pensioners rampage across country in orgy of vaccine theft.
"We have to protect ourselves." They say.

written by nigmuncher, 20 October 2009
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Lewis and Jenson X Factor Sensations

Lewis Hamilton and Jenson Button are reputed to be next X Factor sensation. The talented duo will be singing their new smash hit. 'A Flash in the Pan'.
David Coulthard said to be green envy.

written by nigmuncher, 19 October 2009
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Hamilton wants 2010 crown

Lewis Hamilton says, "Well done, Jenson, but it's mine in 2010."

Yeah, right!

written by nigmuncher, 19 October 2009
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Jenson in arrogance accusations

Jenson Button given Jeremy Clarkson award for arrogance after 3 hour parc ferme donut marathon

written by nigmuncher, 19 October 2009
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Boris to close central London to all but wealthy

Disarming blondie Boris Johnson plans to close central London off to anyone earning less than 200K per annum.

'Dead right, too.' says BNP luminary Davis Cameroon

written by nigmuncher, 18 October 2009
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Mum buries son alive

"That'll teach him not to give me any lip." says pathologically insane mother.

written by nigmuncher, 18 October 2009
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British Weather experts are bigots. Allegedly

British weather forecasters accused of blatant regional discrimination.
"Michael Fish is Satan's envoy on Earth." says Osama Bin Ramsbottom; 'newsagent of Accrington, Lancashire.'

written by nigmuncher, 18 October 2009
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Speed calories

Not again! Uk police 'fabricate' situations with 60mph burger, fries and a shake, in 50mph zone.

'Not fair', say fatties

written by nigmuncher, 17 October 2009
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Joe Calzaghe cries like baby

Craig Revel Horwood makes Joe 'the Teddy Bear' Calzaghe, blubber like a baby, in strictly come bullying. Calzaghe senior wants 'duel at dawn'.

written by nigmuncher, 16 October 2009
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Prescott loves lard

John Prescott eschews health food for lard. 'I look good off it'. says rotund politician.
I think not, John boy. It'll kill you. Carry on!

written by nigmuncher, 16 October 2009
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Why, oh, why

Gateley dies of exhaustion after bed hopping nightmare. Hubby hugs boyfriend in french kiss consolation

written by nigmuncher, 16 October 2009
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Wreck of Hesperus found in Lancashire canal

British Waterways chiefs were said to be agog at the news that the 'Wreck of the Hesperus' had been found lying in a shallow basin on the Leeds and Liverpool canal near Chorley, Lancashire, England.

written by nigmuncher, 14 October 2009
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Wreck of Hesperus found in Lancashire canal

British Waterways chiefs were said to be agog at the news that the 'Wreck of the Hesperus' had been found lying in a shallow basin on the Leeds and Liverpool canal near Chorley, Lancashire, England.

written by nigmuncher, 14 October 2009
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