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It's Completely Barmy and Bramy!
The 'Brassiere Brasserie' is the hottest new London dining experience. Customers are required to wear a brightly coloured bra over their clothes, before sitting down to eat.
Too Good To Be True
Mr Christian Truman of Bucks was arrested today, for wishing a passer-by a Good Morning. 'I've never trusted him,' said a neighbour. Some people are just too nice to be genuine.
Fringe theatre buffs are flocking to Edinburgh this year to watch a surprise first-time hit: 'Drugged-up Drama'. Every night, one member of the cast overdoses on caffeine before taking the stage.
Singer Kiki Dee has been nominated as a Spanish Ambassador for chickens. When asked about the selection process, the Minister for Farming clarified that Spanish cockerels always cry 'Kikideedee!'.
Black and White Together
A new government bill was passed today, ruling that all official documents must contain black and white print every other word, in order to provide equal representation of colour for British society.
The Write Time
In Manchester today, Technical Author Jim Ravioli inadvertently embedded one MS Word document within another, and ended up getting stuck inside a Documentation time paradox.
Pickles the cat got a fright when she caught hold of a loose piece of string hanging in the garden. It turned out to be a kite rope. The wind picked up and Pickles flew off, landing 5 miles from home.
Bean There Before
Apprentice Bob Cornflakes returned to college after a wasted week of work experience at 'Dozier & Dozier' Lawyers Inc. He only got to make coffee. 'I want to be a Barrister,' he said, 'not a Barista'.
On This Day in 1957... Teddy Boy Billy O'Toole broke his leg by falling from a rooftop in Allerton Liverpool. He later claimed to have been drunk, and was attempting to get a new set of drainpipes.
Escargot to Go
Customers at 'Barnacle' Ben Bennett's Seashell Shack had a nasty shock when they were served snails instead of cockles. 'It's my knees,' said Ben. 'It's easier just to rummage around in the garden.'
A Good Old Day's Work
Workers at Pickwick Victorian Fair were disgruntled after being paid a groat apiece for a hard day's work. Owner 'Hearty' Joe Riley denied any unfair practice. 'It's the going rate for 1828,' he said.
Double or Drop in Crackerjack Toads
Following a recent fall in the number of Crackerjack toads, the Scots Amphibian Society have issued a plea for folk to yell 'Crackerjack!' every time one is spotted every Friday, at 5 o'clock.
JLS - Still Flying High?
Boy Band sensation JLS have now revealed that they named themselves after 'Jonathan Livingston Seagull' - the character featured in the novella by Writer Richard Bach.
Mr Speaker Dishes Out Detention
Today, in Parliament, Master Dee of the Blue Party accused Master Gee of the Red Party, of '...not writing in pencil...' Mr Speaker has administered detentions accordingly.
Goodbye Greasy Tuesday
A new government bill has been passed, which deems the use of the term 'Fat Tuesday' as inappropriate. From now on, the Tuesday before Lent, is to be known as 'Horizontally-Challenged Tuesday'.
Can't Sing, Won't Sing
A brand new reality TV show begins this Autumn - 'Can't Sing, Won't Sing'. Contestants are to be assessed on their ability to sing off-key. Record numbers of applicants have been recorded.
Get Me Out Of Here!
A new series of the popular TV show 'I'm Not A Scarecrow - Get Me Outta' This Field' is to return this Summer. Members of The Rolling Stones are rumoured to be contenders.
The WHO claim that excessive use of fridge-magnets, can induce a magnetic effect on stored consumables.
Jesus Christ Superstar reject tells all
Performer Joshua Cohen today broke his silence about his rejection from the first round of TV's 'Superstar'. 'They said I looked too Jewish,' he claims.
Hawkins poses the ultimate question for mankind
At a Conference today, Prof. Dickie Hawkins posed a conundrum regarding the existence of God. 'If he's in control of everything,' he said, 'how is it that he allows a smug egotist like me to evolve?'
That natural look
The food biotech company Agri-corps have recently developed a range of mis-shapen vegetables, to meet with the demand for a natural look for food.
Green, Black and Blues
Warner movies reveal that the rugged look for Sirius Black in the Harry Potter film franchise was based upon the stylings of 1960s Fleetwood Mac blues frontman Peter Green.
A bee in the bonnet?
Shocking confessions were signed by several prominent car manufacturers today, stating that they had all captured honey-bees and used their skins to create pollen filters for air-conditioning units.
Automated Archers in Ambridge
The BBC have confirmed that the voices of several actors from The Archers are in fact generated by computers. 'It's a great pity,' report the BBC, 'but actors are getting more expensive to hire.
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